


Drifting

by Waterchuck



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, M/M, ghost au, none superhero au, reference/implied suicide attempt, referenced/implied depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-04-29 10:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 67,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5124656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waterchuck/pseuds/Waterchuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his mother's death Bucky needs a fresh start to his life.  He never expected his new apartment had a ghostly occupant that never shut his mouth and never paid rent.  With the help of his sometimes friendly ghost roommate and his friends, Nat and Sam, Bucky hopes his new life brings him some much needed peace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ghost Stories

**Author's Note:**

  * For [apollosnumber1lover](https://archiveofourown.org/users/apollosnumber1lover/gifts).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank apollosnumber1lover for being the best beta on the Earth. 
> 
> I'm going to be updating this fic every Sunday until I get caught up to what I have now and that might be awhile since I have plenty. So, please enjoy!

" _Whenever you’re all alone and you hear something randomly fall just pretend like I used to that it’s a clumsy ghost named Steve and yell at him to stop.  For some reason this worked for me especially if you imagine how sorry Steve would be.”_

Bucky paused his scrolling of Nat’s blog or whatever she called it and slowly nodded his head as he read the post. 

Okay, maybe this would help him sleep at night.

“What are you doing?”

He shrugged then kept on scrolling.  He didn’t need Nat to know that he felt like his apartment was haunted. One, because she would laugh at him for believing in such nonsense. Two, her laughter would bring attention to it and later everyone in their group would know and he would never live it down.

“You told me to look through this.”

She gently grabbed her phone from his hand and said evenly, “No, I said look at this one post that made me laugh.  You’re the one that kept going when I got my coffee and yours when, I’d like to remind you, I didn’t have to.”

Bucky scoffed and nodded as he went to grab onto his coffee when Nat pulled it out of his reach.

“What do we say?”

Bucky glared at her before saying with as much sarcasm as he could, “Please?”

A little smirk formed on her dark red lips before she lowered his coffee onto the table. “I bet you were an angel growing up with that tone.”

Bucky smiled and took his coffee as he watched her sit across from him.  “Oh, I was an absolute angel.  The total opposite of you I’d imagine.”

If he was being honest he was actually a good kid.  He was quiet and never really said anything to anyone.  It didn’t mean he was shy.  Actually when he met someone he liked he turned into a chatterbox that no one could shut up.  He never got into trouble and kept to himself.  He was incredibly boring now that he thought about it.

She laughed as she closed out of her blog app thing then put her phone in her back pocket.  “Oh yeah, your mother would have had a fit with me since all I wanted to do was run around and climb things all the time and I never wanted to sit down.”

“Nothing has changed much I see.”

She shrugged as she moved her exercise bag closer to her.  “Oh, shut it.  Just because I’ve actually found my calling as a trainer doesn’t mean you can make fun of me for it.”

Bucky took a sip of his still hot coffee only slightly burning his tongue. “I’m pretty sure it means exactly that.”

She rolled her eyes before taking a big swig of her black coffee.  Bucky wrinkled his nose as she kept drinking it.   For whatever reason, she had gotten a deal with the coffee shop people.  She got lukewarm untouched black coffee for about a dollar a regular size cup and like two something for a bigger cup.  Nat always got a bigger cup and a cup from home she filled up.  Bucky didn’t get how she could drink that.  He could never handle watching her drink without wrinkling his nose in disgust.

Of course, that’s why Nat always drank in front of him just to get his daily dose of disgust out of the way.

“You are disgusting.”

She drank the rest of the cup before putting the cup down with huge cheeks.  She took a breath before drinking what was in her mouth in one gulp.  She smiled at him before expertly throwing the cup away. 

“You keep saying that as if that doesn’t make me want to switch your coffee to mine at some point at all.”

Bucky’s eyes widen.  He looked down at his coffee as if it had magically changed into Nat’s disgusting coffee in the second he looked away.  He glared as she laughed uproariously at his reaction.

“I hate you.”

“You love me and you can’t even deny it, bub.”  She rubbed at her eyes before taking in a deep breath and slouching horribly back into her chair. 

Yeah, his mom would’ve had a conniption if Nat was her child.

“How’s the whole moving into a new apartment thing going for yah?”

Bucky looked down at his coffee cup then drank it slowly, trying to buy some time to answer that question.  Finally after a moment he looked at her and shrugged, “Good.”

She squinted at him as if she were looking for a lie in his one word sentence.  “Why did it take you so long to answer?”

Bucky paused in taking another drink before shrugging, “I don’t know?”

She squinted at him for a moment longer before shrugging.  She then straightened up in her usual good posture before going into how ridiculous some of her clients were today. 

He nodded at the right spots and rolled his eyes at the most ridiculous antics of her clients but he was still thinking about her question.  If he were being truthful he’d tell her that moving out of their apartment, which they had shared with their friend Sam, was turning out to be a bad idea on his part.  He didn’t know why but about a month ago he had gotten this urge to set out on his own even though he had a pretty good set up as it was.

He rolled his eyes.  Nat went on to tell him how some of her clients were so focused on her that when she lost her footing at one point they had fallen along with her. 

“Why do they come to you again?”

“Because I’m the master at everything of course!”  She threw out her arms and basked in the weak sunlight.

Bucky scoffed and laughed into his coffee before taking one last long drink of his coffee.  “Right,” he said as he elongated the word to show his skepticism.

She looked at him with a small smile before bringing her hands back in and shaking her head.  “You know it’s true, Barnes.”

He did a light flourish with his hands in her direction before saying, “Oh, how could I ever forget.”

She threw a crumpled up napkin at him and he caught it before sending it straight into the trash.  He ignored her sarcastic OOOOOH and sent his empty coffee cup in an impressive arc.   The cup hit the rim of the trash can and he thought for one awful second it wasn’t going to go in as it stopped moving for a second before it toppled into the trash. 

He turned to Nat with a big smug smile and asked, “Who’s the master of all things again?”

She rolled her eyes before mockingly bowing at him.  He laughed at her antics until she looked at her phone and sighed. 

“Work beckoning you?”

She nodded her head before getting up and fixing her bag onto her shoulder.  “Yep,” she pointed at him and as she grabbed her coffee cup, “I’ll be seeing you later, stranger.  Just because you’re off on your own doesn’t mean you can’t come around, moron.”

Bucky waved her off with a, “Yeah, yeah you don’t have to grovel to get me back.”

She rolled her eyes and swatted him on the back of the head before she slowly walked backwards away. “You hear me punk come over for dinner sometime.  I know Sam misses you to even if he doesn’t say it.”  She rolled her eyes.  “Sometimes I don’t understand how he can be so good with getting people to open up when he can’t do it himself.”

Bucky waved at her and said, “You know Sam.  Always an enigma to us mere mortals.”  But he got up off his sit and said before going the other direction, “And I’ll take you up on that dinner, ok?  Just not today.”

She nodded back and said before turning in a seamless about face, “Ok, just text or call and we’ll be there.”

Bucky nodded at her receding figure.  He never said it but he was glad they never said goodbye.  Just the sheer amount of belief that they’d see each other again reassured him on so many levels.

He kept walking and sighed when he realized that he had nowhere else to go but back to his creepy, small, possibly haunted apartment.

He sighed and wished he had somewhere to go or to work.  Sadly that wasn’t an option to him at the moment so he begrudgingly trudged all the way back to his apartment hoping the advice from that one post would help him.


	2. Hello from the Otherside

He was getting paranoid that he had been imagining all the creepy noises in his apartment.  That sometimes he put things in a certain place and they were somewhere else the next time he needed it was entirely a figment of his imagination. 

Bucky tried to ignore it as he started to unpack his more personal items.   It was a chore unwrapping the mugs out of their bubble wrap, but Bucky found it soothing more than anything.  He put them down gently on the table next to the box he was unpacking and stared at them for a moment.   One of them was obviously from an era before his own.  The craftsmanship that went into it was evident with how obviously it wasn’t made from a factory.   The mistakes clearly showed in the way that the bottom of it wasn’t totally on the table.  If someone looked close enough they could see handprints on the cup where the person who made it had touched the glaze on the cup before putting it into the kiln. 

The cup was his grandfather’s.

The second cup was something anyone would see in any old store.  A cup that really wasn’t anything special with its bottom touching the table perfectly and even.  Its colors were even more plain, a white base while the middle had three different sized lines of blue, green, and red.  The only thing even worth mentioning at all was the small chip in its handle.

The cup was his mother’s and Bucky had to look away.

He removed his mother’s fancy china that she had gotten from his grandmother.  He handled them with such care, not wanting to break or chip any of them.  He didn’t know his grandmother but these were the last things of hers and his mother always cherished them so he would also.  He placed them gently next to the cups and stared at them. 

He wondered what his mother would say about his abrupt move.  She’d probably tell him he was making a bad decision and that he should stick with his friends.  Besides, why move when you’re already home?

He looked around his small apartment and he wondered that himself.

He jumped as the sound of something falling in his bathroom set him at unease. 

He wanted to use the advice but he felt too dumb trying it out so he did what he usually did when something odd happened.  He ignored it.

He made sure the box was empty of all packing peanuts or bubble wrap before he started to take it apart and collapsed it.  He figured, as he put the now flat box next to the rest of the boxes he had opened and disassembled, that he would eventually need them when he went back to Nat and Sam with his tail tucked between his legs.

He flinched as he heard something on the small table in front of his still empty TV stand fall.  He had the firm belief that as long as he never saw anything move that what he was hearing wasn’t real.  He was going to go for another box underneath the table, this one he was almost sure held his small TV but because Nat bubble wrapped everything to hell and put small things in huge boxes just to punish him for moving, he didn’t actually know.  He saw from the corner of his eyes his mother’s cup wobble just a little bit.

That little bit was enough that he fairly slammed his hands down on the mug and growled out, “Move anything you want Steve but not the mugs or the china. “  He closed his eyes and took a big breath before saying out loud to no one but his paranoia, “This are important so please break anything but these.”

He shivered as his hand suddenly grew cold then as quickly the coldness was gone.  The feeling like someone was in the room that had been with him since he had gotten home went away as well. 

He opened one eye, frantically looking for something but once again he saw nothing.  He let out a breath he didn’t know he was even holding as he opened his other eye and let himself deflate.

Okay, that was weird but went better than he thought.  Maybe he could actually do this whole living alone thing after all.

**

He woke with a start when he heard his mop, the mop he purposely put down ON THE FLOOR for this reason, fall hard to the ground.

He moaned into his pillow as he smushed his face as close to the pillow as he possibly could.   Before picking up his head and letting it thunk down in doneness as he heard another less distinct thing fall on the ground.

“Oh my god, shut the fuck up Steve,” he mumbled into his pillow before throwing back his head at the brightness of the phone.

“For fucks sake Steve it’s 3 in the morning, please shut up.”  The falling of objects didn’t stop and Bucky face planted into his pillow. 

He mumbled nonsense into his pillow then got up and went into the living room.  He turned on his now plugged in TV and plopped himself down into his couch hoping the noise from the TV would drown out the noise of things falling. 

He huffed into his cushion (he made a mental note to buy pillows for the couch because this was not comfortable and was not going to happen again if he had anything to do with it) and then kicked out his legs in the air in frustration before turning onto his side and making himself into a ball so he could actually fit onto the couch. 

“I hope you’re happy Steve.”

Bucky closed his eyes and let the noise of the TV lull him to sleep.

He would forget in the morning as he stretched out his aching back and pulled on the blanket tighter around him that was not there the night before but right as he drifted up to sleep a low male voice said, “Thanks.”


	3. The Story of Tonight

“What’s wrong with your place?”

Bucky dropped the five dollar movie back into its bin he was looking at and turned to Sam who was looking at another five dollar movie.  “Nothing.  Why do you ask?”

Sam turned around the movie in his hands and stared hard at the cover of the case.  “You never invite us to it and it’s been like what?  A week and some?”  He looked up and held out the movie to Bucky and asked, “Does this movie seem at all familiar to you?  I think I’ve seen it but I can’t place where.”

Bucky took the video and stared at it before shrugging and putting it back in the bin.  “Doesn’t look familiar at all.  You must not have watched it with me.”  He looked up and smiled as Sam snorted before going back and searching in the bin.

He didn’t know why but every time that they came to the store they always ended up at the five dollar movie bin and they always looked it in.  They rarely bought any of the movies so it was usually a total waste of time but Sam had called and asked if he wanted to go to the store with him and Bucky had nothing else to do.  So, really, it was a great time waster.

“It’s nothing to look at, it’s small, and why would you even want to see it?”

Sam hummed at him for a second then picked up a western movie that could have been made between the fifties and the seventies.  Bucky was never sure of western movies and generally tried to avoid them at all costs.

“Did you ever see this movie?  Racist as shit.  They didn’t even have Native Americans play Indians but poorly dressed Italians.”

Bucky shook his head then took it from his hand and looked at the back to see when it had come out.  1963.  Well, at least he was in his time line.

“Why did your grandfather like Westerns again?”

“I have no idea.  Told me it reminded him of his youth, which makes no sense since he never rode a horse in his life or even saw a real cowboy.” 

Bucky read the synopsis of the movie and wrinkled his nose and put it back in the bin.  “Your family is weird.”

Sam snorted then laughed as he took a step away from the bin.  Bucky furrowed his brow as he followed him to the check out.

“Oh please, mister ‘for no real reason my family used to eat raw liver every Monday because it had lots of iron in it even though no one was anemic.’”

Bucky punched Sam lightly in the arm and said, “Shut up.”

Sam laughed before turning towards the check-out stations.  “Whatever, all our families are weird, man.  There’s nothing we can do about that.” 

Bucky just grunted as he passed Sam to see the how the other check-out lines were doing.  When he got to the end he shook his head and headed back towards Sam.  Their line only had two people in front of them rather than the three or four the other lines had. 

 Bucky stared at the magazines as Sam said, “But really you need to have us over sometime.  I need to see the glorious apartment that took you away from us.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes before motioning for Sam to go first but Sam rolled his eyes and did an even more dramatic bow for him to go first.  He would have done a more dramatic bow and flourish but then two people came behind them.  He begrudgingly went forward and put his meager amount of stuff on the conveyer while Sam put a barrier stick and added his purchases.

“I’m telling you it’s just another apartment.  There’s nothing special about it. And-“he quickly grabbed a pack of gum from the candy display and threw it into his pile.  “-I didn’t leave you guys because of the apartment, I just needed to be on my own for a while.”

He moved forward as the person in front of him stood next to the card swiper waiting for the worker to scan and get their stuff bagged. 

“Alright, I’m gonna give you your space but you need to invite us over soon.  Soon Nat’s going to start bothering you for an invite.  Then, my dear friend, she’s going to get on MY case to get you to invite us over.”  Bucky bit his lip as Sam became deadly serious.  “I don’t like a nagging Nat, Buck. Buck I can’t have that negativity in my life.”

Bucky turned away to hide his mirth and to move forward to the card swiper as the cashier rang up his items. 

“Give me a week to settle in to the place then we’ll have a meal or something just so your life doesn’t get wrecked by a nagging Nat.”  He shook his head as the cashier asked if he wanted to join their membership club.  He swiped his card and pressed the no button as it asked if he wanted to get cash back.  He didn’t even know how much he had in his checking right now and was hoping he wasn’t going to get an overdraft fee.  He pressed yes then stared up at the cashier computer screen hoping the transaction went through.  He felt so much lighter when he saw “Transaction Approved” on the screen.  

How he survived thus far was still a huge mystery to himself.

He got his bags and moved away to let Sam do his thing.  He didn’t miss Sam’s smirk at his relief.

Sam knew him too well.

Sam quickly got his stuff paid and off the bagging area.   They walked out together in silence before stopping outside of the store. 

“You’ll be good right?”

Bucky rolled his eyes and nodded his head.  “Yes, Father-sir, I’ll be good.”

Sam looked at him as if trying to discern a lie in his sarcastic comment then nodded.  “Okay,” he brought him into a one armed hug before clapping him on the back.   “See yah, man.”

Bucky hugged him back for a second before nodding.  Sam looked at him again before nodding his head and turned to his left.

Buck watched him silently walk away before he turned to his right and walked home in a silence he wasn’t all that comfortable walking in.


	4. Wait For It

He dropped his purchases on the table and looked around at his apartment.  It still wasn’t anything special even though he had finally unpacked everything.  It looked. . .like any old apartment.

Like he could switch it with any other person in the city and it wouldn’t have even mattered. 

He sighed and rubbed a hand down his face. 

He felt so tired and yet he hadn’t done anything all day other than go to the store.  He spread his hands on the table and bent his head down on the small island that separated his living room and his kitchen.  He took a few breaths in before sighing again.

He straightened up before turning around and going to the fridge as he worked his shoulders up and down, trying to get the knots out of his muscles.  He opened up the fridge and he stared at it, not knowing what he wanted but needing something to distract himself from his own brain.

He shook his head before taking out some onion, garlic, vegetable broth, and the raw chicken livers he had gotten today when his sister came over and dropped it off.

She had laughed at him when she’d given him hell for keeping up the tradition because he didn’t have to when he was living all by himself.  Her little family had stopped that tradition a long time ago and she even laughed at the absurdity that it even existed in the first place. 

He had laughed but it had bothered him.  His mother was always for traditions even if the only people around were each other, since he always visited her as much as possible.  He guessed that’s why he got more of her belongings than his sister did.

 He walked away before going slightly behind the door and closing it with his hip.  He turned around and put the ingredients down before getting the bags from his shopping adventure and moved them to the side where they couldn’t get in the way. 

Going to the cabinets, he got out a medium sauce pan and put it on his beaten down, had seen a lot of better days, stove.  He reached over and got a knife from his designated knife case.  The case was his mother’s old glass case that was meant to hold noodles, not his pathetic collection of knives mixed with his mother’s impressive one. 

He grabbed his cutting board as well before grabbing onto the onion and peeled away the dark flakey inedible layer and set it aside to toss later.  He put the onion down then cut both ends and put those away in the discard pile as well.  Moving the onion until it was on one of the cut sides, he cut the onion in the middle then took the two halves putting them middle side down.  Using the trick his mother taught him he made a few cuts horizontally from one side of onion to the other side making sure to not cut all the way through.  Then he did a few cuts down vertically across the onion then in one easy swoop he cut the onion in perfect little pieces.  He did the same to the other half then roughly chopped the left over part of the onion he used to hold the onion in place during his other cutting process. 

He opened up his cabinets and got out some olive oil he had bought and used the other day.  He turned towards the stove while opening the bottle.  He poured enough of the olive oil to cover the bottom of the pan before turning on the left burner until it flamed up into the biggest flame the stove produced.  He capped the bottle before turning around and putting it away. 

He turned and grabbed the garlic then clawed at it to get three cloves out of the head.  He put the cloves on the board then whacked the shit out of all three of them before taking off the papery outer layer then putting that away in the waste pile.  He roughly chopped the garlic not caring how big or small the pieces got.  He turned and put his hand over the pan, testing out how much heat came off of the pan.  Feeling the pan wasn’t hot enough yet, he turned to the bag of raw liver. 

He grabbed it and opened it up with one clean slice of the knife.   He reached over and got an arms worth of paper towels before tearing that in half and putting one half of it to the side.  He folded up the other half of the paper towel until he could easily put it on the island.  He grabbed the bag of raw liver and put the livers onto the paper towel.  Immediately the paper towel is soaked as he threw away the useless plastic bag before grabbing the ends of the paper towel and patting them as dry as he could.  After the ends got wet he reached over and folded the rest of the paper towel just like the first one then putting it right above the now drenched paper towel. 

He looked over at the oil and knew it was most likely ready.  He turned around and quickly washed his hands before grabbing the chopped onions and putting them into the searing hot pan.  He jumped as some of the oil jumped out of the pan and onto his arms.  He ignored the slight sting and tossed around the onions for a few seconds before turning the heat slightly down then turning around and going back to the livers. 

Bucky quickly flipped over the livers onto the dried paper towel and made sure all the livers were on the paper towel before throwing the soaked paper towel away.  This time the paper towel was only slightly damp when he patted the livers down. 

Bucky looked over at the onions and flipped them over a few times before going over to the sliced garlic and putting it in the pan.   He flipped the onions once more then went over to the sink and washed his hands. 

Grabbing the vegetable broth, he opened his silverware drawer and looked around it for a second before he found what he was looking for.  With a satisfied smirk he grabbed his can opener (was it actually a can opener if all it did was make a hole in a can Bucky wondered to himself but shook his head because he didn’t know what else to call the thing) then put two holes on opposite sides of the vegetable broth can.   He quickly grabbed a plate from the cabinet then a big stirring spoon from the utensil drawer before roughly thrusting it closed with his hip.

He turned around and stirred around the now sweated out onions and garlic.  Using the spoon he fished them out of the pan and onto the plate.   He got the olive oil again then added some to the pan before putting it away.  He was just about add the livers to the pan when suddenly something dropped behind him making him jump.  He had been so wrapped up in cooking that he forgot “Steve” liked to drop things.

He looked behind him and laughed as he saw that his glass salt shaker had tipped over.  He shook his head then righted the shaker and cleaned up the spilled salt before shaking some salt into his livers.

“Thanks, Steve.”

When nothing else immediately fell he tossed the livers so all of them would be evenly coated with salt before putting them in the hot pan.  He was satisfied with the hiss and immediate steam that came off the pan.  He let them be for about three minutes before he flipped them around liking the browning the livers were getting.  After another two or so minutes he took the livers off the pan onto the plate with the onions but he made sure to put the onions on one side and the livers on the other.  He let them rest before he turned off the pan for a second so the drippings from the liver wouldn’t burn.  He went into his freezer and got out his flour bin.

He remembered the first time Natasha saw him put the flour in the freezer and she had thrown him a barrage of questions on why he did that.  It was simple and he didn’t know why she kept hammering with questions after the first time he answered her but that was Nat sometimes.  The reason why he kept his flour in the freezer was because his mother used to say that it would keep out all the weevils.  He’d had always done it too so it wasn’t until later that he realized that it wasn’t a common practice like he thought it was.

He opened it and grabbed the half cup he always kept in his flour bin.  Another thing his mother always did so he did too.  He got maybe a little less than a half cup in before he poured it into the pan.  He put the flour bin away then went back and stirred the flour and drippings with the spoon.  He turned the stove back on, with it flaming up again and putting it on near the middle heating setting.  He let the flour and drippings mix together, cooking them until they made a sufficient roux before adding the vegetable broth in.  He used only half of the broth and put it aside to store away later.  He stirred the flour, vegetable broth, and drippings mixture for a few minutes then he added his onions back in and let that heat up to a simmer before turning the stove off.

With an expert hand he grabbed the pan’s handle and poured the gravy onto the livers without getting too much on the floor.  With that done he put the pan away and went to get his pepper shaker and sprinkled on just enough for taste before putting it back into its spot. 

Bucky walked over to his table in the living room and put down the plate.  The plate was huge and if he were a normal human being he’d probably have left overs.  As it was, he was going to eat all of it in one sitting, consequences be damned.

He went back to get a knife and fork.  He had just slammed the door shut with a pelvic thrust when he turned around and on straight up instinct threw his knife at the intruder in his house.  

What made him drop his fork in surprise was that his knife went straight through the guy even though he looked totally solid.  He was nonchalant about it as well as he stared at Bucky’s plate and in a bored tone said, “If you would have made me this when I was alive I would have eaten liver more often.”

He paused and looked behind him and looked mildly impressed at what was behind him.  “If I had a body that would have hurt.”  He looked at Bucky and smiled and said, “Nice aim,” before disappearing altogether.

Bucky didn’t know what to do and was trying to process everything that was happening when he noticed that his knife was now impaled into his dumpster dive couch. 

He couldn’t help the giggle that came out.  He also couldn’t help how the giggles he could not control even after covering them up with a hand kept getting more and more hysterical by the second.  The tears were the final straw though and he bent down and put his hands on his knees and took deep breaths.  He would say they were calming but that was a bold face lie.

After the worst part of his hysterical giggle fest ended he wiped his eyes before straightening up. 

He went over and took the knife out of the couch leaving a slit in it afterwards then stabbed a piece of liver.  He looked at it before taking a bite, liking the simple flavor it had with the crunch of the outside and the rawness of the middle making a nice dichotomy of textures.

“I’m going fucking insane.”

Nothing answered him as he ate the rest of the plate with the knife and the help of his fingers in silence.


	5. Keep Living Anyway

After his plate was decimated and he put everything away and threw away the waste, Bucky sat down on his couch and just stared at nothing. 

He didn’t know what he was doing or thinking but soon he jumped in the air.  He once again grabbed the nearest thing near him and chucked it at the amazing appearing/disappearing man.

The guy looked amused as he watched the newspaper go through him then behind him.  He looked behind him before saying, “You got a nice arm.  Would have liked to have played ball with you back in the day.”

Bucky got up and ran to the other end of the apartment, not taking his eyes off of the guy or thing or whatever it was.

“What the hell are you?!”

The guy, thing?, just stared at him before tilting his head like a confused puppy.  “I’m Steve.  The friendly neighborhood ghost that you’ve been talking to for the last week or so?”

Bucky just kept staring at the thing, no Steve.  What the hell was going on?

Steve looked at him and then ahh’d as if he was just getting something, “You really weren’t talking to me were you?  Do you regularly talk to the air and call it Steve or is that just a new thing people now a days do?”

Bucky just gaped at Steve then his mind started moving again and his mouth was suddenly going a thousand miles a minutes, “What do you mean you’re Steve? What the hell are you?  What do you mean I’ve been talking to you all along? All I’ve been doing was speaking out loud so I wouldn’t get freak out and move because I thought this place was haunted.”  He slapped his hands to his mouth and gasped.  “Oh my god, I was totally right!  This place is haunted and now I’m talking to a ghost and- wait.”  He took in a huge breath and pointed at Steve.  “Are you judging me because I talk out loud?  Is a ghost really judging me for that?”

The ghost, no Steve, watched him with a growing smile until he couldn’t take it and laughed.  “Oh my god, why did I not appear before now?  This is just too hilarious.”

Bucky felt the cold bubble of anxiety form in the bottom of his gut.  The hysterical giggles were back but this time he didn’t stop them because he was just trying to breathe at the moment.  His back hit the wall and he slid down it, vaguely feeling his tailbone sting as he thumped unceremoniously on the floor.  His vision was tunneling he knew but he couldn’t stop it. 

The mantra of, “You’re going fucking insane,” came going through his brain over and over again.  His eye sight was blurry and he closed his eyes trying so hard NOT to cry.  He needed to breathe but nothing was coming through and-

Suddenly he gasped and his body slumped forward bonelessly.   He took in one deep breath between his knees as he was finally able to breathe.  He heard a commotion above him and he turned his head just enough that with his right eye he could see Steve literally glowing as he waved his hands in front of him.

Before he slumped off to sleep he heard Steve’s frantic words of, “Oh, god I didn’t kill you did I? No, he’s still in his body but he’s not moving and holy shit what if he’s not breathing?  Think, Rogers, think.”

He scoffed and muffled out, “Moron,” before falling into a deep sleep.

**

Bucky woke up at an indeterminate time later on his side.  He scrunched up his face then ran a sweaty hand down his face before putting his hand flat down on the ground.  Pushing himself off the floor was a pain but he got up just fine.  When he realized that his back was against a wall he let himself slump into it.  He folded his arm until he was hugging his body before putting his other arm on top of it.  Using his one good hand he started rubbing the bridge of his nose.

He started to recollect the events that happened right before he literally just collapsed and passed out.  This was unreal.  He did NOT have a ghost in his creepy but definitely NOT haunted apartment.  He did NOT just have an almost panic attack.  No, he was just going crazy and that was that. 

He took in a shuttering breath and pushed his doubts away as he asked, “Steve?  You there?”

Bucky was starting to really question his sanity when a soft voice answered, “If I say yes will you not panic on me again?”

Bucky rubbed the bridge of his nose maybe a bit harder than he needed to.  “Okay, so please clarify: I am not going crazy am I?”

There was another beat but Steve answered with a slightly cautious tone, “I don’t think so, but I’ve only known you for about two weeks.”

Bucky nodded his head.  “If I look at you will you not hurt me or possess me or any other unsavory ghost thing I’ve ever seen in horror movies?”

At any other time he’d probably smile at the snort he received back but he was just too damn tired to respond.  “Yes.  If the horror shows are anything like they were in the eighties then yes I won’t do any of that stuff.  I promise.”

He didn’t know why he was going to take the word of a ghost but it seemed the only option at the time.  He opened his eyes and there across from him, seemingly sitting on an invisible chair, was Steve.

Bucky took stock of his appearance and what he saw didn’t reassure him.  The guy was probably his height or even taller with broad shoulders that Bucky could never even hope for.  Bucky would bet his entire life savings that the guy had a six-pack hiding underneath the threadbare shirt they guy was wearing.  Even the suspenders the guy wore looked stylish and neat even though they looked like they had seen better days.  He could even see little beauty marks on the guy’s cheek for fuck’s sake.

He had a handsome ghost and wasn’t that just the damndest thing.

Steve gave him a dirty smirk and teased, “Like what you see, big fella?”

Bucky did a poor attempt of a laugh before shaking his head.  “Ok, totally not what I was expecting.”  He smiled at him for a second and received a smirk in return.  But then it hit him that he was smiling at a ghost and that he was still lying on the ground feeling like a ton of bricks was weighing him down.  “What did you do to me?”

Bucky watched as Steve tried to act nonchalant about his question but he saw the way his back straightened up and how his posture got more rigid.  “I did-“

“And if you say nothing I’m going to reason that if you consider what you did to me nothing than I really can’t trust your word, can I?”

Steve’s lips pursed as if he wanted to deny what he was going to say but instead sighed heavily. 

“Okay, long answer short I saw you panicking and not knowing how to help you since I’m only a ball of energy, I figured I’d take some of that panic energy to calm you down.”  Bucky wasn’t sure but it looked like Steve was blushing. 

Even ghosts blush.  Huh.

“Granted, I took more energy than I meant to but my intentions were in the right place.”  He looked down and bit his lip in a nervous manner before looking up at him through long lashes that Bucky was just noticing before looking away.  He rubbed the back of his neck and Bucky would swear on his life that the blush was now moving down to his neck. 

He flustered a ghost.  What was his life?

“I’ve never done that before on purpose and if I’m going by the other’s experiences gathering energy from the living isn’t an exact science so,” he paused and seemed to come to a conclusion.  He straightened himself up and looked Bucky straight in the eye and said in the most sincere voice, “I’m sorry about appearing out of nowhere like I did and making you panic.  I honestly thought you knew I was here and decided having a chat about liver and onions was a good step in our relationship of ghost and living inhabitants of this humble abode.”

Bucky could not believe what was coming out of this guy’s mouth.  Hell, he was inclined to believe that all of this was just a dream and leave it at that.  Bucky was never one to live strictly by logic though.

He thumped his head on the wall then blew out a tired breath.  “I honestly didn’t think talking to the air would give me this much trouble.”  He looked over at Steve and said, “I only started talking out loud because I read that if you pretended the creepy noises at night were a clumsy ghost named Steve it would make you feel better.”  He groaned as he slowly picked himself up then grunted, “That’s just shows you to never take advice from online strangers ever.”

When he felt he was upright and not going to fall over he looked at Steve and shrugged, “Apology accepted if you promise not to do that thing again.”

Steve looked like he was thinking over Bucky’s words before nodding his head.  “Alright, that’s fair.”

They stared at each other in awkward silence after that.

Bucky had no clue what one would say to a ghost, let alone one he’d accidently led on.

At the same time Bucky said, “I’m going to bed,” while Steve pointed to the wall and said, “I’m going.”

They fell into another awkward silence where both of them made poor attempts at smiling at each other.

“I’m go-” Once again they spoke at the same time and this time Bucky rolled his eyes and just headed toward his bedroom. 

“Goodnight, Steve,” he said as he closed the door behind him.

He stomped over to his bed going to take off his shirt when the thought of Steve popping out of nowhere and staring at him as he stripped entered his mind.  He hesitated then threw himself, clothes and all, on the bed not feeling comfortable without them on.

He closed his eyes and he was thankful that he was already feeling the pull of sleep coming on because otherwise he would have worried the night away that he had an actual ghost in his apartment.

“I’m fucking crazy,” he mumbled into his pillow before he was out like a light.

**

Bucky was not a morning person. 

So, when he woke up the next day he burrowed into his blankets for about an hour before groaning and throwing himself out of bed, just so the momentum would actually get him out of the bed.  Otherwise, he would end up sitting on the bed, thinking of sleep, before falling unceremoniously back to sleep.  He was not thinking about ghosts or Steve or anything.  The only thought in his head was one simple word that he had been thinking every morning since he was sixteen and was allowed to drink it: coffee

He threw open his door successfully, hitting it against his wall like he did every morning.  He waved as he saw Steve twiddling his thumbs on the couch then shushed him with a wave when he tried talking to him.

Bucky did not talk until he had his first cup of coffee.

He checked if his Keurig was full of water before turning it on then getting a little coffee container from the little drawer that kept his coffees in one place.  He pulled up on the lever and threw away the used coffee container before adding his own in.  He waited as he heard the Keurig start up and do its thing.  Finally, it settled down and he pulled down the lever once before bringing it back up.  He closed it again after he put the new coffee container in and reached up and grabbed a huge mug from the cabinet.  He put it down in its designated area before pushing the big coffee cup button.

Once he was satisfied he heard the whirring noise of the Keurig doing its magic he turned around and went to the bathroom. 

By the time he came out the Keurig was done.  He waved off Steve again as he tried talking to him again.  Coffee first then Steve he promised to himself. 

Before getting his cup he stopped by his fridge and got his French Vanilla coffee creamer out.  His sister always hated it and called him a girl for liking the stuff but Bucky didn’t care.  It tasted damn good so he was going to drink it in his coffee, his sister’s teasing be damned. 

He grabbed the sugar as well as he went over to his coffee.  He put down the creamer but kept the sugar as he opened up his utensil drawer and got a spoon then pelvic thrusted it closed.  He took three big spoonfuls of sugar and dumped it into his hot coffee.  He didn’t stir it as he once again lifted up the lever but this time he didn’t take the container out.  No, he just closed it again and pressed the smallest cup button.

He opened up his creamer and waited as his mug got filled two thirds to the top.  Once it was done he took the mug and capped it off with his creamer.  He knew he was going to spill it since it always happened.  He didn’t care.  He got his spoon and watched in fascination as the coffee overflowed from his cup.  He reached out blindly and got a paper towel and cleaned up the mess. 

Once it was clean enough Bucky breathed in the amazing vanilla aroma of his coffee and sighed. 

He turned around and stared as Steve just stared at him like he was acting weird. 

He took a tiny sip just seeing how hot the coffee was and successfully burned the tip of his tongue and lip.  He blew on it for a few moments then tested it out once more before deeming it cold enough to drink and took half of it out in one deep burning gulp.

When he finally got the hot liquid down his gullet he popped open his lips and ahhed out loud as if to allow the imaginary steam to be released.  He let the coffee settle heavily in his tummy.  He let his eyes close and let the coffee warm him up.  The warm heat in his belly did wonders in slowly waking him up. 

He sighed then took a sip of his coffee and opened his eyes.  He smiled into his cup as he saw Steve once again staring at him as the light shone through him from the window above the couch and-

  1.   Shining through him?



Bucky choked on his coffee and almost spilled the rest when he frantically put down his mug.  He hit his chest multiple times to get his lungs working again.   When he finally could breathe he closed his eyes and took a deep breath and mentally prepared himself as he turned around and saw-

Bucky was actually pretty surprised and angry until he flung himself away from Steve’s soft voice of, “Are you ready to talk yet?”

Once again he couldn’t fucking breathe but Steve didn’t move any closer and he didn’t do what he did yesterday and for that Bucky was grateful.  Bucky ran a hand through his hair that so needed a cut before thumping his head hard on the cabinet.

“Don’t scare me like that.”

Steve gave him the most incredulous stare as he threw up his arms towards his bedroom and said, “You told me hi as you went and got your coffee.”  He arms went over to the bathroom, “And when you came out of the bathroom to finish your coffee.”  He brought back his arms back to Bucky and thrust opened his closed fists as if he were angrily throwing confetti at him.  “How could I have surprised you when I hadn’t moved from my spot the entire time you were making coffee until right now?”

Bucky felt himself blush and he hated it because Steve was right.  He had to have been right because really he had no recollection of Steve at all.  All he remembered was getting his coffee ready and going to the bathroom.  But what if Steve said was true, which it most likely was because it has happened before, Steve had a valid point.

He rubbed his face with his hand and blew out a deep sigh as he stared at a still incredulous looking Steve. 

“Sorry.”  He looked at his coffee but Steve was in front of it so he decided he could last a few more seconds and hopefully distract Steve long enough to move away from his coffee.

“Sorry, it’s just in the morning I’m not coherent about anything until I get a cup of coffee in me.” 

Steve looked skeptical so he decided a little embarrassing anecdote wouldn’t hurt.

“My old roommates would do weird stuff like, Nat, she once put clip on nails on me while I slept and I didn’t even notice until my second cup and Sam, well, he once put whipped cream on my hair and I didn’t notice until I took a shower like thirty minutes later.”

Steve just kept staring at him with the most unnerving pair of blue eyes he had ever seen.  “Okay, so you’re saying I shouldn’t say or do anything until you’ve had a cup of joe in you?”

Bucky felt his blush grow in stronger as he rubbed the back of his neck.  He could feel the teasing coming on and even though he should be used to it by now because of his sister, Nat, and Sam, he still was self-conscious. 

“Yeah, pretty much.”

Steve stared at him hard in the face before nodding.  “Okay.”  He turned around sat down on the island. 

Bucky looked at his cup of coffee and saw that he could get it but there was the possibility that he’d run into Steve’s legs.  He was contemplating if his coffee was worth going full contact with a ghost.

“Sorry that I scared ja.  Nothing personal I just thought you knew I was there.” Steve paused for a beat before softly chuckling.  “That seems to be an often thought around you.”

Bucky mentally said fuck it before going over and grabbing onto his coffee trying to be as inconspicuous in that he didn’t want to touch Steve as he could.

Apparently, he needed to learn some tricks in subtlety if Steve’s unamused look was to go by anything. 

 “You can come near me, you know?”

Bucky bristled at Steve’s calm nearing condescending tone.  “No, I don’t know since hey I just met you, like last night and that was crazy.”

Steve’s stare wasn’t exactly a glare but it was damn close to one.  “Alright, since we’re obviously coexisting in the same house-“

Bucky couldn’t help but quietly scoff out, “Obviously,”

“- we should get to know each other during your duration.”

Bucky stared hard at Steve and asked defensively, “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

Steve rolled his.  “It means that eventually you’re going to leave.  God, I haven’t had such a slow roommate since Harold Brunswick in ’58.”

Bucky ignored the jab and said after taking a sip of coffee, “Okay, let’s get the basics down.  Name?”

Steve rolled his eyes but said, “Steven Grant Rogers.  Age.”

“James Buchanan Barnes but call me Bucky, roommate.”  Steve narrowed to a definite glare at Bucky’s sarcastic use of roommate. “I’m 25.  Ethnicity”

Steve jumped off the island and crossed his arms making himself look even bigger than before.  “Died at age 24.  Irish.  Religion.”

Bucky decided he could do some peacocking of his own and stood up straight with his arms crossed.  “Romanian.  Agnostic.  How’d you die?”

Steve’s glare became even more hostile.  “Catholic, and none of your business.  Why you here?”

Bucky glared back even hard.  “None of your business.”

They glared at each other in an intense moment of silence.

“That’s enough bonding don’t you think?”

Bucky didn’t want to agree with him on principle but he forced himself to say, “Agreed.”

Steve nodded his and said agreed before disappearing altogether.

Bucky glared all around him as if he glared around the room long enough he would hit Steve’s stupid face at some point.  He scoffed loudly and turned away and mumbled jerk as he took a sip of his coffee.

He jumped as his glass salt shaker fell from its place by the side of the microwave then shattered into a thousand pieces.

As Bucky jumped and cursed, Steve’s smug voice rang out clear as day.

“Ass.”


	6. A Child Is What a Child Does

Bucky had cleaned up Steve’s mess, cursing up a storm while doing so.  He hadn’t bought a broom yet so he had to make do with his mop.  His mood didn’t improve any when he heard Steve’s laughter from the other side of the room. 

He wanted to glare a hole into the guys smug stupid ghost face. When he tried to he glared near the living room for second before turning back to be scared half to death by Steve’s suddenly close face.

He dropped the thick piece of mail he was using as a dust pain and punched nothing but air as his fist went through Steve’s face.

“Nice try but I’m here, buddy,” then Steve was gone again with a smirk and a laugh. 

Bucky cursed and glared everywhere for a second just to be contrary.  He went back to his task and cleaned up the mess with no other scare tactics from Steve.

After throwing away the last of the mess Bucky rubbed his right arm trying to get the goosebumps to go away.   Ever since not punching Steve in the face his arm had been nothing but cold. 

He looked forlornly at his now cold coffee.  He slowly went over and solemnly poured the coffee down the sink.  Or he was until he jumped as his other arm was engulfed in sudden cold and suddenly Steve was in front of him.  Bucky once again was surprised but this time when he freaked he spilt some of the coffee as he recoiled his arm back.  His arm had gone right through Steve’s stomach and had been the creepiest sight he had ever seen.

“What are you doing?!  You can’t just waste good coffee like that!”

Bucky looked down at the coffee that he was hugging to his chest protectively then back at an annoyed looking Steve.

“Don’t do that.”

Steve crossed his arms and said, “I wouldn’t have to if you weren’t so wasteful.”

Bucky’s mouth fell wide open at this ghost’s tenacity.  “It’s cold.  Unlike my friend Nat I don’t drink cold coffee.”

Steve looked him in the eye and in all seriousness said, “Yes, you are.  You’re not going to waste a good cup of joe just because it’s cold.”

Bucky furrowed his brow and looked around him as if his apartment could give him answers to deal with this infuriating ghost.  “What are you talking about? You are not ordering me to do anything when you don’t drink or eat anything!  If I want to waste this,” and just to piss Steve off he thrust his hand through him shivering at the instant blast of cold air his arm was now in and hissed out, “I fucking will.”

He unceremoniously dumped the coffee into the sink loving the way Steve’s nostril’s flared and a vein on his jaw pulsated in anger. 

Bucky smugly brought back his arm and held out the empty coffee cup. 

“What are you gonna do about Steve?  Pop up and scare me again?  Pff like-“  Bucky jumped as his buzzer went off. 

He put his hands on his knees and willed his heartbeat to slow down to a normal speed.  “Someone is going to scare me to death I know it.”

“Hopefully, it’ll be me James.”

Bucky glared at Steve’s intense glare as he went over to his still buzzing buzzer.  He pressed the button and asked, “Yeah, who’s this?”

There was a pause then a tiny, sweet voice answered back.  “Unkie Bucky we hee-o!”

The smile on his face was instant.  “Okay, baby-girl, I’ll ring you up in just a second okay?”

The little, “Okay!” that answered him back warmed up his heart.  He buzzed his sister and his niece in and turned to unlock the door when he saw Steve still glaring at him.  He felt his heart drop as he wondered what would happen today. 

He had his niece Nadia today since his sister had to go to a doctors, dentist, and eye doctor appointment (why she always scheduled them on the same day he never knew). 

He hurried to unlocked his door and turned to Steve.

He brought up his hands and pressed them together and said in a pleading voice, “Please go away.”  Steve tried to interrupt but he plowed on.  “My baby niece is coming and I’m going to have her here for the day and please just stop being here for a while?”  He bit his lip and looked at the door.  “Please, Steve?  She’s just a baby and I don’t want to scare her.”  He looked at the door again and begged, “Please?”

Steve stared at him and he looked shocked for whatever reason but nodded his head. 

“Promise?”

Steve nodded and said, “Promise,” before disappearing altogether.

Bucky looked around just to see if he was lying but he didn’t appear again and the room felt emptier somehow. 

He tried pondering that until he heard footsteps near his door and he dove behind his island.

He stayed silent as he crouched behind the island waiting with bated breath for his sister to open the door.  She opened the door with great care. He took a peek and smiled. He saw his niece dressed in her pretty blue coat, that he had bought her for her last birthday, with white tights and the little combat boots Nat had given her on the same birthday.

“Uncle Bucky?” His sister cried out softly.  She looked to the left and to the right with Nadia doing the same motions.  “Uncle Bucky?”  She humphed before putting her hands on her hips.  “Huh, I swear I heard him talk to you just a second ago.”

His niece humphed just like his sister did making the most put out expression he had ever seen on a child.  He had to bite his lip not to laugh.

“Unkie Bucky! Whey ah you?!”  She looked to her left and right and humphed again but with a small stomp of her foot. 

His sister shook her head solemnly before offering her hand for Nadia to grab onto.  “Oh, well I guess Uncle Bucky isn’t here so-“

“NO! Jussa second!”

Bucky was finding it really hard to not laugh as his niece stomped her way into his apartment as if she owned the place.

“Unkie Bucky I know you in hee-o! It’s not nice to hide!” 

Bucky waited until she walked right past him to pounce.  He grabbed her in his arms as he pulled her up in the air and rained down kisses on her laughing red cheeks.

“Unkie Bucky stoooooop!”

“Nope! Not gonna happen!” He said as he raspberried her chubby cheeks as she screamed in total delight.  He rained down more kisses on her before stopping when he heard his sister cough.

She mouthed the word whipped before smiling wide as Nadia turned to her and said, “I found Unkie Bucky!”

“Oh my, you did! I’m telling you she’s going to be the next Sherlock Holmes.”

“Damn right,” he said before giving her one last huge wet kiss then putting her down.  She immediately opened up and closed her hand impatiently.  He laughed and took that as his cue to hold her hand.

“Okay,” his sister gave him the huge bag she had on her left shoulder.  “All of her stuff is in there including some snacks for later and her sippy cup when she’ll want her apple juice. And,” she gave him another bag that was on her other shoulder that weighed twenty pounds when she put it on his shoulder with the other bag, “there are most of her toys and papers and some crayons to draw.”

Bucky nodded before letting go of Nadia’s hand to go over to his couch and unceremoniously throw the way too heavy bags on his couch.

She followed him like a baby ducky though and when he turned back to face his sister she was holding tight to his pant leg.

His sister handed him a note then said in a hurried voice, “And that’s Nadia’s babysitter if you need her to come get her for any reason and the doctors and the-“

“Sis,” he pulled her into a one armed hug, “I got this. Now go.”

“Yeah, momma go.”

His sister pretended to look totally heartbroken as she put a hand over my heart.  “My baby doesn’t need me anymore! Oh, my poor broken heart!”

Nadia let go of his leg and tugged on the bottom of her mom’s red jacket.  “No, momma! I ‘uv you!”

He shared a smile with his sister as she picked up Nadia.  She asked dramatically, “I don’t know maybe I should smother you with kisses until you need me again.”  Just like he had done just a moment ago his sister planted kisses all over Nadia’s red smiling face.

“Momma no! You gonna be ‘ate!”

“Yeah, momma, you’re gonna be late.”  He held out his arms and Nadia went straight into them.  “Now go.  I got this.” 

He bit his cheek trying not to laugh as Nadia nodded her head excitedly twice before turning to her mom and said, “Yeah, momma like Unkie Bucky said!”

His sister broke and laughed at her daughter’s antics. 

“She’s just like Mom, I swear.  Okay,” she bent down and kissed Nadia on the cheek, “I’ll be back later okay?  Be good for Uncle Bucky and maybe you can come here more often.”

Nadia smiled wide showing off her tiny top two teeth and her two bottom teeth.  “Okay, I do my bes’ momma!”

His sister smiled and laughed.  “You better.”  She looked him in the eye before nodding and headed out.   “See you at 5, Buck.”

He nodded and waved with Nadia.  “Yeah, see yah later.”

“Yah allogatoh!”

He laughed as his sister waved once more at them before closing the door.

He turned to Nadia and asked, “Now what should we do now?”

And with pure excitement only little children can display she yelled, “CAY-ONS!”

**

It was nearing that time and Bucky was trying hard not to look weak at all.   Screw dogs or horses or anything else, little children were the ones that could smell fear.

They had colored for about an hour before she got bored then she wanted some of her little cereal snacks.   He had made a little peek-a-boo game out of it.  She had been fine and happy until it hit twelve.  One moment she was happy and smiling and the next she was rubbing her eyes and yawning.

Bucky knew he had to play this right or he would have a three year old melt down on his hands.

“Alright,” he got up and held out his hands.  “Let’s go on the couch and watch some movies okay?”

His heart sank when she shook her head with a pout. “No. Cay-ons.”

She needed to nap that’s what she needed.  “Come on.”  He snapped his fingers, “What about you come sit on the couch with me and I’ll show you a magic trick?”

She rubbed her eyes and yawned out a stubborn, “No. Cay-ons!”

He sighed and before he could think better of it he said the one word he knew he shouldn’t have.  “Come on Nadia you need a nap.”

Nadia looked up at him then suddenly her face crumpled up into absolute anger.  Big, fat tears instantly fell down her face as she pulled up her tiny little fists and hid her face.

“NO! NAPS!”

Bucky’s heart broke.  He hated to see Nadia cry but she needed to sleep.  

He took in a deep sigh as he gathered her in her arms.  She screamed at him and tried to wiggle out of his grip but he knew her tricks and kept a hold on her. 

“No! Nap!”

“Nadia come on.  Hey, why don’t we watch Ooogie Boogie?  Hey, you like that don’t you?”

She kept on screaming with pauses of big hiccups.  He tried wiping her tears away but she batted his hand away. 

He bent down to get her blanket that was on armrest of his couch when he jumped as Steve appeared behind Nadia with his hands over his ears.

“What’s wrong with her?”

Bucky glared but Nadia didn’t seem to notice as her screams became even louder.

“Nothing.”  He grabbed her blanket and tried wrapping her in it.  He succeeded for the most part even if Nadia was doing everything in her power to get herself out of his grip.

Steve just shook his head before he put his hand out.  He stopped at Bucky’s glare then held up his palms as if showing he wasn’t doing anything.

“Can I try and tire her out?”

Bucky shook his head as he took a step back.  “You knocked me out and you think I’m just going to let you do that to my niece?”

Steve looked sheepish but he said calmly, “It’s harder to gather adult's energy while kids are more condensed and so easier to gather.”

Steve looked so sure and sincere in what he was saying.  Bucky, though, shook his head and headed to the couch.  He had waited out her screaming matches before he could do it once again.

Steve looked at him like he wasn’t surprised at all.  He let down his hand slowly before shaking his head. 

Bucky shushed Nadia as he rocked her in her arms back in forth as he sat down.  She pushed him weakly with her tiny arms but he let her tire herself out.  After about ten minutes she stopped pushing him and let herself lay on his chest with her legs on either side of him.  After about five more minutes she stopped screaming but kept crying and hiccupping.  He rubbed her back in soothing circles and made shushing noises as he rocked her up and down in his arms. 

She fell asleep about ten minutes after that.

Bucky had closed his eyes half way through her crying but once he felt her breathing leveling out he opened his eyes and for once he wasn’t scared by Steve.

He looked over and was curious about Steve’s expression.  He was staring at them with an almost wistful expression. 

He walked over and sat down on air right near him. 

“That’s amazing.”

Nadia stirred and Bucky put a finger on his lips and Steve held up his hands.  They sat in silence for about ten to twenty minutes, Bucky couldn’t rightly tell.  Finally he felt Nadia was in a deep enough sleep that he maneuvered her face down on his couch then put her blanket around her. 

He walked away slowly making sure he didn’t make a lot of noise before turning around and walking into his kitchen.

He leaned against his sink and saw that Steve was still in his living room staring at Nadia as if she was something special and new.  He coughed in his hand twice before he got Steve’s attention.  He waved him over expecting Steve to walk over to him but one minute he was sitting in the living room and the next he was standing right next to Bucky.

This time he didn’t jump in surprise and Steve looked put out because of that.

“I’m guessing you never had to deal with children when you were alive?”

Steve froze up and his expression became blank.  Bucky was going to change the subject realizing he had overstepped his boundaries when Steve looked back at Nadia and shrugged. 

“Not really.”  Steve seemed to shrink into himself as he rubbed his neck.  Bucky wondered why he was being all of a sudden self-conscious but said nothing about it.  “Kids used to stay away from me actually.”

Giving Steve a once over Bucky shrugged.  “I guess seeing someone built like you would scare most kids away.”

Steve kept rubbing his neck.  “Yeah, I guess.”

A silence descended as they stared at Nadia sleeping and slightly drooling on Bucky’s couch.

“Thanks.”

Bucky felt a bit of pride when Steve jumped.  “For what?”

“For not scaring Nadia and not doing the whole energy thing when I said no.”

Steve tilted his head in a curious manner and just stared at Bucky like he had said an obvious thing but nodded before looking back at Nadia.  “No problem.”

Nadia started squirming her eyes opening just a little bit and Bucky moved to get her when her eyes fluttered back to sleep. 

“How long does she sleep?”

Bucky looked at her bag and decided getting Nadia’s microwavable food from her bag would be a wise decision at this point.  

“She sleeps for like thirty minutes, sometimes more, but we’ll see.”  He carefully and quietly went to the bag and got her food out then came back to his spot.  “So, from what I’ve gathered I’m the first you’ve ever spoken to?”

Steve’s posture wasn’t stiff when he gave out a lazy, “Yes.”

Bucky nodded then reached over and got a handful of Nadia’s apple flavored cereal bits he had left on his counter after she had enough of them.  He didn’t feel like cleaning them up at that point and popped a handful in his mouth and let them slowly dissolve on his tongue.

“So, am I the best tenant ever or what?”

Steve once again gave him the most incredulous look before smiling and shrugging.  “Not even close.”

He pointed to Nadia and Bucky looked to see she was lifting up her head in the cute sleepy way she did when she woke up.  He turned to Steve to comment on how cute his niece was (because yes she was too cute for this world) but Steve had already disappeared.

He didn’t know what it said about him that he was sad to see Steve leave even though logically he knew that he had to be somewhere in this apartment.

As he got Nadia’s food and played peek-a-boo with her he wondered why it was so easy for him to trust someone he’d only known for a day, let alone it be a ghost.

He was insane.  That was the only explanation.


	7. What Do You Fall For?

After her nap and after she ate, Nadia was back to her sunshiny, laugh at everything Bucky did self. 

Once again they did more coloring and even though Bucky was getting so bored with it he knew how to pick his battles.  The amount of times he had tried to get Nadia to do what he wanted before he learned he just didn’t order a three year old around was too many to count. 

Hey, no one ever said he was a fast learner.

By the time his sister came around by four thirty he had already fed her another microwavable baby spaghetti to tide her over until they could eat at home.

Nadia ran to her mother with squeals of enjoyment and lots of kisses.

Bucky talked to his sister some but soon they had to leave since she was picking up food for the two of them later since her husband worked late.

When he was alone he started to clean up all the little apple flavored cereal Nadia had dropped or thrown in her excitement.  He laughed and smiled as he thought about his day and just so happy he got to spend some time with his baby-girl.

He threw away his trash and looked around the room expecting Steve to pop out of nowhere to scare him.

Nothing happened though.

Nothing happened for about six hours and by then Bucky had fallen asleep on his couch with the TV going.  Babysitting his niece was a great joy but it took a hell of a lot out of him.

So, if he startled awake by something falling and having Steve gently directing him to his room there was nothing to it.  Especially since he forgot all about it in the morning and didn’t even wonder why he had fallen asleep on the couch and had woken up in his bed.

Steve kept giving him a mysterious smile and it freaked him out but he didn’t bother on asking why.

**

Bucky groaned as he heard his phone go off in his room.  He had just gotten out of the shower and he wanted to stay in the warm steamy room but he knew he should answer the phone.  It was probably Nat and if she knew he had ignored her because he didn’t want to be cold she’d have a field day with him. 

He wrapped his towel around his waist.  Not because he was afraid of being in the nude but because he wanted some semblance of warmth when he left.

He opened his door and paused as he saw Steve watching TV. 

Huh, maybe he should wear a towel more often from now on.   

He ran quickly to his room as it started to ring again.  Steve was so into the show he said nothing as he ran in front of the TV and threw open his door.  He practically threw himself onto his bed then grabbed at his pillows and threw them off his bed since his phone always sunk into them while he slept.  He found it at the very bottom between two pillows.  

He didn’t see who called he just answered with a, “Hello?”

“Were you ignoring me?”

Bucky snorted.  Of course it was Nat.  “No, I had just gotten out of the shower when I heard the end of your first call.”

She hummed at him skeptically.  “Right.  Well, hurry up and get dressed, I’ve seen you naked way too many times, Barnes.  Sam and I are like outside your apartment as we speak and you need to buzz us up.”

Bucky jumped up out of his bed and went to his window.  “What the hell?” 

“We told you we were going to have dinner and come over here at some point.”  She looked up and of course caught his eye as she waved at him with a grocery bag in her hand, “So, why not kill two birds with one stone right now?”

Bucky waved back before rolling his eyes.  “I could have been doing something you know?”

“No, you wouldn’t have.  You have no job at this point, we are your main friends and since we know that neither of us have plans with you, you are in fact free to do whatever.  Now I’m giving you five minutes to get ready before I annoy the shit out of you with the constant buzzing I’m going to do.” 

She hung up then gave him a smile as she waved at him.  Bucky flipped her off and of course that’s when Sam turned around and visibly gasped before turning to Nat.  He leant his head against her shoulder and pretended to cry before they both laughed uproariously as he brought up both his hands to flip them off.

He turned and grabbed his jeans he wore yesterday from the ground then threw them on his bed as he went to his drawers.  He opened his underwear drawer and randomly got out some over worn blue boxers.  He hurriedly put them on and grabbed his pants as he went to his door.  He said to Steve as he tried to get into his pants, “I’m having people over like right now so don’t feel weird that suddenly there’s a crazy Russian in here with an over dramatic black man following her.”  He eeped as his foot got caught in the second pant leg and he went over. 

His face hit the floor first then his hip took most of his weight making a loud smacking noise on the floor.  He moaned out an ow as he got his breath back before putting on his pants. 

He got his upper body up off the floor but stopped moving as he saw Steve’s face.  Steve was biting his lip hard and his face was so red as he tried not to laugh.  His shoulders were even shaking almost violently as he hid his lower face with his hand.

“What?”

Steve just shook his head and wiped at his eyes as he laughed out, “I don’t know.  You’re just-just-just,” he finally broke and let out a whooping laugh and even slapped his knee.  Bucky couldn’t help the smile that was brought to his face.  He was so going to use so many grandpa jokes on Steve from now on. 

Steve took in a deep breath and in a high pitched voice he said, “You’re a human disaster,” before going into another fit of giggles and knee slapping.

Bucky shook his head as he watched Steve laughed but soon Nat’s threat of buzzing the living hell out of the buzzer came to fruition as his buzzer started going off.  He rolled his eyes and quickly got up from the floor and hit the buzzer.

“Okay, okay, great googily moogily can you stop?”

“No, never.  Now buzz us in.”

Bucky rolled his eyes with a smile before doing as Nat said. 

He turned to a still laughing Steve and shook his head as he went back to his room to get a shirt.  When he came out Steve had gotten himself together and was just sitting on the couch with his eyes glued to the TV.

“So, do I shove off now or is it okay if I stay here?”

Bucky thought about it for a second before he heard the hard insistent knock that was all Natasha.  “Uh, as long as you go invisible I don’t care what you do after that.” 

Steve nodded then disappeared.  Bucky had a feeling he was still there as he walked over to the door.  Before he opened the door (COME ON SLOW POKE WE KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE!) he turned around and said, “No energy sucking, okay?”

Steve didn’t appear but his disembodied voice answered with, “Okay.”

“Promise?”

He imaged Steve rolling his eyes as he heard him scoff, “Promise.”

Bucky nodded then threw opened his door with a huge smile.  “Oh my god, get in here. You’re gonna get me kicked out with your guys’ big mouth.”

Sam gasped dramatically as he walked passed Bucky with huge amount of grocery bags in his hands.  “We come bearing gifts and this is how you treat us?  You’re such a horrible host!”

Bucky laughed and watched Nat pass with less bags.  He could tell that she had at least four different bottles of liquor in her bags that were as heavy or maybe more than the bags that were cutting off Sam’s circulation in his fingers.

“You’re horrible guests for coming unannounced.  That’s what you guys are.”

Sam and Nat both snorted as they dumped their bags on the island.

“If we didn’t come to you, this dinner and you showing us this place would have never happened.”

“Plus,” Sam motioned his head to Nat, “she would have eventually killed me if I hadn’t been her willing accomplice.”

Bucky snorted and went over and started sorting out things out.   “You are such a whipped roommate.”

Sam emptied out a bag and threw the bag straight at Bucky’s face.  “Oh, shut up like you don’t have a healthy dose of fear of Nat.”

“Sure,” Bucky elongated the word as he took one of Nat’s bags and looked in it.  Inside was one big jug of red wine about the size of Nadia.   He looked at the brand and smirked. 

It was the cheap wine they found at this hole in a wall place the one time Sam and him got lost looking for Sam’s job interview.  Sam never made it to the interview but they found the place which sold huge jugs of wine for dirt cheap.  Even though they didn’t taste as good as other ‘proper’ wines it got them sloshed faster and cheaper than other wines.

He counted the bags and whistled as he counted four big jugs.  Nat had carried around like forty pounds of wine to his place. 

He looked to her and asked, “How did you not drop these?”

Nat swatted his arm and straightened out the jugs until they were all up and the logos, a cheesy gold specter with dandelion yellow pieces of gold falling from his hands, were all facing her.

“I have the upper body strength to lift both of you with no problem.  This wasn’t such a big deal.”

“Well, it wasn’t such a big deal for her but my fingers lost circulation about three minutes into us leaving the store to get here.”  Sam rubbed his hands and looked seriously at Bucky, “You better love me, Buck, goddamnit.”

Bucky waved a hand at him as he took stock of what they brought.  “Don’t be a baby of course I do. Now we’re making,” he looked at each individual thing trying to figure out what they were going to make, “Spaghetti?”

Sam and Nat gave each other knowing smiles before turning back to Bucky.

“Nope, now get out of here.  Show Sam around this dhingy looking place while I get this made.”

Bucky made a face at her before moving to the living room.  “Just because you guys live in a rats nest doesn’t mean you can come up into my house and insult it.”  He flourished his arms as he took two steps into his living room and simply said, “Living room.”  He two steps to his right and flourished his arms to his bathroom door, “Bathroom.”  Then he pointed at his opened bedroom door and said, “Bedroom.  Tada!  Now you’ve seen the place. Go home.”

 Sam scoffed as he went to his couch and flung himself on it taking up all the space with just his legs alone. 

“You’re couch sucks.”

“You suck.”  Bucky turned to Nat and asked, “Why do I keep you guys around, again?”

She didn’t look up from her activity of whacking the shit out of the garlic cloves on his cutting board.  “Because you love us and your life would be so much duller without us here?”

 “Plus,” Sam said as he tried to change the channel with his remote but Bucky was guessing it wasn’t working as he kept slamming down on the buttons, “You’re too psychotic for regular people and too normal for psychotic people.  Cue us, who are just like you but better.  Buck your things out of batteries.”  Sam pressed harder on the remote then threw it to the side.  “And when the hell did you start liking “How It’s Made” anyhow?”

“What?”  Bucky walked towards Sam and turned to see that How It’s Made was in fact on.  “Huh,” he looked at Sam’s questioning one and shrugged, “I don’t remember putting this on.”  He shrugged.  “I sometimes just put this on just so I can have noise so I don’t know maybe I accidently changed it to it?”

Sam huffed and got up from the couch to the TV.  “You didn’t buy a new TV did you?”

“No, why?”

“Cuz if you did I’d have to relearn how to use your TV without a remote, but since that’s not the case.”  He went to the side and leaned over as he ran his hands down the side.  “One, two, three, a-ha,” he pressed the button, “And that should-huh.”  He pressed the button again but nothing happened.  The channel stayed the same as Bucky watched how TV cables were made.

“That’s odd it should have changed by now.”

Bucky was going to suggest pressing other buttons when he remembered Steve and how much he liked to mess with things. 

He rolled his eyes as he sat down on his couch and mumbled, “Goddamnit, Steve,” underneath his breath quietly.

Well, he thought he was being quiet but Sam turned to him and asked, “Who’s Steve?”

Bucky wasn’t expecting Sam to ask him that so he just kind of stared at him wondering how to answer that question when Nat came around the island.  She leaned against the island and gave him a piercing stare as she asked before taking a sip of wine from one of his many coffee cups, “Yeah, who’s Steve?”

Sam looked between them and straightened up before crossing his arms and going into his therapist mode.  “Buck did you meet someone and not tell us?  Is this why you moved? Cuz man if you wanted to have more space for you and your person you could have totally talked to us and we’d’ve totally been okay with that.”

Bucky was speechless at Sam’s speech.  He was so not expecting that little speech and he was so not ready to reveal that he in fact had a ghost in his house named Steve. 

He looked between them then sighed as he rubbed his neck. “There’s no Steve.”  At both their skeptical looks he brought up his hands, “Seriously!  I just said that because my house makes weird noises sometimes and sometimes things don’t work so I’ve kinda started to say, “Stop it, Steve” or “Goddamnit, Steve,” just so I can pretend I have a clumsy ghost or something that makes a lot of noise and who breaks stuff so I don’t freak myself out.”

When they looked at each other he pressed on and said, “Seriously, there isn’t any Steve.  I’m just being weird.”

Sam and Nat stared at each other for a second before Nat smirked and held out her hand. 

“Fork it over, Wilson.  I told you Bucky was a weenie.”

Sam rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically.  “Fine, whatever.”

Bucky looked between them as Sam gave Nat some money, he couldn’t tell how much, and he asked, “What the hell was that?  What bet did you place on me?”

Sam looked at Bucky and shrugged as he put his wallet away in his back pocket.  “She bet me that you believed in the supernatural like I do and I bet her back that you didn’t.  Guess I was wrong.”

Bucky looked between them before sighing and throwing himself over his couch.  “You know you could have just asked me right?”

Nat shrugged as she put the money she just counted into her bra.  “Yeah, but at the time something distracted us and we totally forgot to ask you about it until now.”  She fixed her boobs then said, “I didn’t know you were such a gullible person, Barnes.”

Before Bucky could defend himself, Sam turned to Nat and said, “You don’t have to be gullible to believe that there’s more to life than just this.”

Nat made a ‘pffting’ noise as she walked over to the couch and sat down next to Bucky before putting her legs on his lap.  “Right.  Heaven and Hell is just a concept meant to scare children into being good, nothing else.”

Sam sighed heavily and looked like he wanted to say something but he just shook his head and sat down on the ground right across from them.   This must be an old fight between them, Bucky thought as he watched Nat’s provoking face and Sam’s conflicted one.

“So, Buck what do you believe?”

They both stared at him making him feel very uncomfortable.  Before his mom died he never really thought about life or death or anything. By the time he was sixteen he realized he didn’t agree with his religion’s teachings and he had just stopped thinking about that stuff. 

But then she died and now with Steve-

“I don’t know.”

Nat hit his thigh with the ball of her foot as Sam made a rolling motion with his hands as the both said, “Go on,” at the same time.

He rolled his eyes and pushed Nat’s legs off him before getting up and heading to the kitchen.  “I need a drink before I get into this.  Want one Sam?”

“Yeah, if you please.”

Bucky nodded and went straight to his cabinet and got out two huge mugs.  He set them down on the island and uncorked the jug of wine and poured them out two good helpings of wine.  He corked the jug then looked to his stove and saw that Nat had a huge soup pot covered with a lid on it.  He moved to check what she was making when she yelled, “Don’t even think about it, bub.”

Bucky sighed and decided to listen as he grabbed the mugs.   He left the kitchen and put down Sam’s mug on the little table before going back to his original spot.  Nat immediately put her legs up to let him sit and then back on him.

He took a big gulp of wine and he let it swish around in his mouth before swallowing it.  He smacked his lips then looked down at the cup gathering his thoughts.

“I don’t know.  Like, I don’t actively think about this stuff.   It’s just not on my regular mental list of things I think of.”

“That makes sense.  You’re not exactly the deepest person, Barnes.”

Bucky softly pinched her ankle and mockingly glared at her but she just rolled her eyes at him.

“Anyways, I don’t know, it’s just nothing I think about, but like after my mom died,” he has to stop to force down the emotion that is suddenly choking him, “I-I want to believe that there’s a heaven and stuff because that’s where she belongs but-” he looked down at his drink.  He shrugged as he took another big swig.  “I don’t know.  And the whole Steve thing just came about because sometimes it just feels creepy in here. I don’t know it’s reassuring to have TV as background noise to stop me from hearing the other unsettling noises.  And pretending I have a clumsy ghost named Steve when I hear that stuff just helps settle my nerves I guess.”

Bucky looked at Nat and Sam as they stared at each other just nodding their heads.  

He really hated when they did the simultaneous head nod thing as if they were having a telepathic conversation that he wasn’t privy too.

Finally, Nat said to Sam, “At least he’s not dumb like you.”

Bucky was going to dispute that but Sam just rolled his eyes before turning to him. 

“Don’t listen to Nat.  She’s a bitter old nag who doesn’t have a soul.  I am one hundred percent sure a Dementor tried to kiss her but ran off when it realized she didn’t have one and that she could kick its ass.”

Nat rolled her eyes and took a deep swig of her wine before burping and saying, “God, ghosts, and afterlifes are just like Dementors.  Fictional and given way too much thought.”

Sam scoffed.  “Just because Harry Potter is above your reading level, Nat, doesn’t mean you have to bash it.”

Bucky snorted into his mug. 

Sam had taken personal offense when Nat had told them she didn’t like the books or the films of Harry Potter.  She didn’t help any when she started making fun of Sam for his Hogwarts house of Hufflepuff. 

Bucky just tried to keep his opinions to himself when they got into heated debates like these.  Sam and Nat were the best of friends but in spite of, and maybe because of that fact, they fought hard when they didn’t agree with something. 

Only once had he seen Nat and Sam in a real all out verbal war and it was not pretty.  He had avoided the place for a whole week to stay with his mom just so he didn’t have to be in the same room with the murderous idiots.  Eventually they made up but Bucky made sure to always make sure to distinguish between their playful insults from their down and dirty insults.  Just in case he needed to intervene before anything escalated into anything like last time.

So far so good.

“What are your feelings about stuff Sam?”

Sam broke away from his and Nat’s glare off to shrug.  “I don’t go to church or anything but I do believe that there is a higher power.  I do believe that if you live a good life with more good than bad you live in heaven for all eternity with your loved ones.  If you lived a bad life you get punished.”  Sam glared as Nat scoffed.  “And yeah, I believe ghosts are real.  So, if you have some you better get a cross and a priest or something up in here because if you have any spirits in this house I’m fucking out.”

 Bucky bit his lip trying not to snicker at Sam’s comment.  If he only knew.

“Well, just let it be said I don’t believe in any of that crap.”  Nat took her feet off Bucky’s lap and got up.  “Now excuse me, I think our dinner may be done.”

“Doubt it.  It’s only been on the stove for how long? Yeah, not long enough.”

Nat stuck out her tongue at Sam and he gave her the exact same face back in return. 

All Bucky could do was laugh. 

Sam turned to Bucky and said in total seriousness, “But if you want I can talk to some people. I can help you get this place blessed and stuff just in case.  I mean, if you’re staying up all night because of stuff maybe some good vibes will help this place?”

Bucky was super surprised by Sam’s invitation but was touched just the same.  Sam was too great of a friend sometimes.

“No, I’m good but if anything happens like a ghost popping up and turning on my tv to watch How It’s Made I’ll let you know.”

Bucky laughed with Sam only because it was true.  He was going to ask Steve why that show of all shows later when they were alone.

Sam looked over at Nat and yelled, “Done yet?”

Nat just gruffed out a noise before shaking her head and closing the lid on the pan.  “No.”

Sam smiled wide at Bucky and said in a sing song voice, “Told you~!”

Nat just gave him a death glare before coming back and sitting on the couch and on Bucky.  “Why do I love you again?”

Sam closed his eyes and touched his face dramatically.  “It’s because I am beautiful and you love beautiful things.”

Nat snorted into her mug.  “Yeah, that’s exactly why.  Now shut up and sit there and look pretty.”

Sam just mockingly saluted her before taking a big drink of his own. 

“So,” he pinched Nat’s ankle again and she glared at him over her glass, “What are we eating?”

Nat just stared at him as she took her sweet time drinking her just refilled mug.   He rolled his eyes as he knew she loved making him wait for things and stared at Sam as if pleading to make her talk. 

Sam just shrugged as he took a big gulp at his expense.

He turned back as he heard Nat say, “My “everything but the kitchen sink” soup.”

Bucky straightened up and hit her ankle in excitement.  “Why didn’t you fucking tell me?  You know I love that!”

Nat turned to Sam and gave him a “look at this moron look”.  “This is why I didn’t tell you.  You get too excited.”

Bucky got up quickly almost sending Nat off the couch.  “I don’t get too excited.  I don’t get excited enough.”

He disregarded Sam and Nat’s comments about his over eagerness and went straight to his stove.  He tested the lid handle to see if it was too hot.  After determining that it wasn’t, he grabbed onto it and lifted it up.  He couldn’t keep the manic grin as he stared into the pot.  He closed his eyes and took in a deep breathe before opening them again.

He stared at the red liquid boiling up.  He could see some carrot, celery, potato, rutabaga, snap peas, tomatoes, chicken and corn floating around.  He closed his eyes and smelled it once more, taking in the smell of tomatoes, the garlic (so much garlic), pepper, and other spices he could never fully distinguish.  Since Nat literally put everything and anything in the soup.   

He had tried so many times to replicate her soup but to no avail.  There was something Nat put into it that made it so much better than anything he could ever make. 

He went to open his utensil drawer but he barely saved his fingers from being squished to death by Nat’s murderous pelvic thrust.

“No, you sit down and wait like the rest of us to eat.”

Bucky turned to her knowing that he wasn’t going to be going anywhere with Nat by her stern face but he had to try.  “But Nat it’s so good let me just taste a little bit please-“

Nat smacked his hands before forcefully turning him around.  “No,” she said as she marched him forwards out of his own kitchen. “You may not taste or peruse or any other fancy word you want to use because if I let you, nothing will be left for me and Sam.”  She turned him around then lightly pushed him back on his couch.  “Now sit and let me refill your mug.  You are too sober and it’s pissing me off.”

Bucky just frowned as he watched her walk off with his forgotten mug.  He turned his pouting face to Sam who just shook his head.

“I told you last time that you shouldn’t have squirreled yourself away with the pot.”

“But you guys were eating it all!  How was I supposed to eat it if you guys were going to eat everything?”

 Okay, so Bucky could admit he had a slight problem when it came to Nat’s soup.  It was not his problem though that it was so good and the fact that Nat rarely made it made it even more special to him.  It was not his fault his friends ate too much of his favorite soup and he had to hide it in his room from their thieving mouths.

Okay, he may have taken it a little bit too far but Nat and Sam did not have to judge him so harshly.  It wasn’t his fault Sam couldn’t catch a spoon to save his life and that he almost lost an eye.  Totally not his fault.

Bucky saw Nat roll her eyes as she came back with his mug and hers filled to the top. “You’re addiction to my soup is equal parts flattering and disturbing.”

Bucky took his mug and humphed as Nat sat back down.  He smirked as some of the wine sloshed onto Nat’s shirt as she spun around to put her legs on Bucky once again.  She looked down at her wet shirt and shrugged as she patted the wine into her shirt. 

Bucky rolled his eyes and looked over at a disgusted looking Sam.  He smirked at that as he took a big gulp wanting, to feel the warm, tingly feeling of being more than bit tipsy. 

“You two are so disgusting I swear.”

Nat waved a hand at Sam.  “Oh, shush you’re not drunk enough yet Sammy.” 

Bucky snorted at Sam’s pained expression.  He didn’t know why but whenever Nat would start to drink she would call Sam Sammy.   Sam hated it but if he told Nat how much he hated it she’d call him that more just out of contrariness. 

Why they were friends still baffled Bucky.

“This is what I get for helping you two losers figure out that that one washer was in fact eating all your coins and helped you beg for more.”

“Oh, shut up.  It wasn’t my fault here Bucky can’t do simple math to save his life.”

Bucky pinched hard on Nat’s foot.  As retaliation she glared at him then dug her heel into his stomach.

“As someone who proudly complains that you’re my keeper you should know better than trust my math skills.”

Nat flicked him on the arm.  “It’s not my fault that someone who took so many math classes that he might as well be a math major can’t be trusted to do simple math.”

Bucky flicked her foot and Nat got “the look”, the one that meant she was ready to murder someone, and moved herself up, looking ready to get up when both Bucky and Nat jumped at the feeling of wetness on their face.

They looked at Sam who was shaking his head with his hand on a water spritzer.

“Y’all fight like cats and dogs.  I swear I don’t know how you guys were friends before I came along.”

Bucky and Nat looked at each other and smiled wide as they both said at the same time, “Remember how we met?”

They stared at each other for a second before Bucky broke with uproarious laughter followed by Nat who by now was covered in more liquor than she had drank.

Sam stood in the corner snorting at the display his two best friends were making of each other.  “You guys get so creepy when you’re drunk.  I don’t even know why I’m here.”  He got up and started to leave when Nat cried out with tears of laughter streaming down her face, “Shut up you love your little misfit family!”

“Whatever.  Don’t tell me I love you guys since you don’t know me, you don’t know my life.”

Bucky couldn’t breathe as his laughter just wouldn’t stop. 

Nat’s laughter quieted down before she wiped her eyes.  She asked with a smile on her face, “Sammy, where’d you get the water squirter?  And isn’t it the same water squirter I’ve been asking you where’s it’s been since Bucky left?”

Bucky wiped his eyes as he slowly stopped laughing.  He looked up to see Sam shrug.  “I accidently packed away the water spritzer in Bucky’s TV stand.”

Both Bucky and Nat looked between them in confusion. 

“Are you telling me that that spritzer has been in my TV stand the entire time and I didn’t notice?”

Sam shrugged as he poured himself some more wine.  “Pretty much.  Despite being able to tell if somebody moved your shit a centimeter you’re not very good at finding things Buck.”

Bucky gently slapped Nat’s thigh as she laughed uproariously. “Shut up.  If I know what’s there then I can tell what’s up.  If someone just hid something from me it’s not my fault that I didn’t know it was there!”

Nat and Sam said at the same time in the same monotone voice, “Right.”

Goosebumps appeared suddenly on Bucky’s side not full of Nat as it became icy cold.  Bucky just barely stopped himself from jumping out of his skin.  He did jump when Steve whispered into his ear making his whole body shiver, “You know they’re right. Even I knew it was there.”

“What the hell’s wrong with you?” Nat asked as she kicked him softly.

Sam sat down in his sit and said tipping his cup in his direction.  “Someone just stepped on his grave.”

Nat rolled her eyes then flipped Sam off.  “Shut up with the whole superstition crap.”

Sam shrugged again and took a deep drink from his cup.  He smacked his lips before saying, “I’ll stop with the superstition crap if you stop being so abusive but since we know that’s not gonna happen.” He shrugged again with a smirk directed right at Nat.  Nat flipped him off with both of her hands but only succeeded in dropping her wine on herself.  Sam threw back his head with laughter successfully smacking his head hard against Bucky’s wall. 

“OW!”

Nat stuck out her tongue.  “Deserved it you big baby.”

Bucky just rolled his eyes just glad that the focus was off of him.  He didn’t know how long he could keep Steve a secret from Sam and Nat.  He told them literally everything about his life that if they ever turned against him he would be in a world of trouble with all the secrets they knew. 

But telling them about how he lost his virginity was one thing and admitting he had a ghost roommate were two different things.

That’s what he kept telling himself at least.

“Hey,” Nat wiggled her fingers in his face with a small smile on her face, “Speaking of finding things how is the job search?”

Bucky could only groan and slumped further into his couch while he tried to hide his face in his mug.  “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He jumped when Sam sprayed him in three quick successions with his water spritzer.  “You know exactly what we’re talking about.  You promised us you’d be hitting the pavement when you moved out.”

“Yeah,” Nat lightly nudged his thigh with her heel.  “That’s one of the reasons why I didn’t tie you up in my room and make you stay with us.”

Bucky snorted because he knew that she was telling the truth.  He looked over at Sam expecting him to be amused at Nat’s comment but all he got was Sam’s serious face. 

He looked between both their serious and concerned faces before blowing out a breath.  He ran his free hand through his hair before looking down at his drink.    

He didn’t want to admit it out loud, let alone to his two best friends, that he simply hadn’t wanted to.  After his mom died he just didn’t have it in him to go into his old job that he only went to because he needed to keep busy.  He hadn’t even liked his coworkers let alone the work enough to stay so he had quit right after her funeral. 

Bucky was pretty sure that the only reason Sam and Nat let him leave was because it was the first thing that made him move for a whole three weeks.  He had been so adamant that he needed to move out by himself that he was almost desperate if he was honest with himself. 

He remembered the day Nat and Sam had sat him down after he had torn apart his room while packing.  Well, packing would be a nicer word for what Bucky was doing.   Roughly throwing things would be a better word. 

They were talking in calm and nice voices that just made Bucky even angrier.  He wasn’t stupid nor was he an injured animal to be placated.  He had glared at them and called them out on their babying behavior in the harshest way he had ever talked to either Sam or Nat. 

He knew that the kiddy gloves were off when even Sam’s eyes held no sympathy as they both nailed into him that he was being reckless with not only whatever money his mother left him but his safety and health.  He wouldn’t eat nor shower unless prompted, he had quit his job, and he always so angry at them both when all they wanted to do was help. 

Bucky had finally cracked and sobbed into both of their arms pleading with them that he needed to get out of their apartment and be on his own.  That he couldn’t stand living in his room anymore and how every time he opened his eyes to his white ceiling everything came crushing down on him.

They had promised to help him out after that with a few terms and conditions. One of them being that he had to find a job or else they would kidnap him back to their home and never let him leave.

They had looked at many apartments and they had packed up all his stuff until Bucky was just left with a box full of clothes he recycled for a month just so he wouldn’t disturb his already packed clothes.

Then one day he found this apartment and he knew it was the one.  He bought it on the spot even though the realtor never explained why the apartment was on the market for so cheap.

He moved right after in secret, not wanting Nat and Sam to see his apartment.  He didn’t know why.  He chalked it up to just wanting to have the place to himself for a while before he shared it with his friends. 

Then suddenly his house was haunted and he needed advice to sleep at night which led to him finding out that not only did he have a ghost but a handsome asshole ghost that he couldn’t tell his two friends about. 

His life was one weird ride and he didn’t know if he liked it or not.

“I would’ve gone job hunting sooner but it’s taken me longer to settle in.”

He looked up to see Nat and Sam sharing unconvincing looks.

He rolled his eyes and said with more force to it, “I’m being truthful here guys.  Not only did my mom leave me enough money to last me a while, I did save a good amount on my own at the last job to keep me going.  So, stop looking at each other like you’re just waiting for me to come back starving and pleading back to you guys when I’m doing just fine.”

Nat pushed herself up, dropping more wine on her shirt but she quickly put it down on the floor beside her.  She grabbed onto Bucky’s hand firmly but gently. 

“Bucky.”  When he didn’t look at her she gently pulled his hand towards her.  He got the messaged and sighed before looking at her.  “We’re not here to judge you or to pressure you into doing anything you don’t want. But, we all know that you have to get a job sooner rather than later.”

“Yeah, Buck.” Bucky looked over to Sam who was staring into his drink.  Sam sighed before looking at Bucky.  “Look.  We get it.  You want to be on your own and away from the apartment.  We’re not trying to step on your toes but you can’t live off your mom’s inheritance for forever.  From what you said it wasn’t much to go on anyways. And,” Sam looked over at Nat, “We both think you working will do you good.”

Nat nodded back.  Bucky looked back at her when she pulled his hand towards her once again. “We know that you want to be alone while you’re grieving but, c’mon, Buck you’re a social butterfly who needs socializing on a regular basis and a job would do that.”

“And,” Sam said with a flourish with his free hand, “You’d be getting money which would mean you’d get to keep this swanky little hole in the wall.”

“And,” Nat elongated the word with a smirk.  “Who would Steve bother without you here to scare like the little baby you are?”

Bucky actually perked up at that thought.  He hadn’t even thought about leaving Steve.  Despite him being a huge pain in his ass he had gotten used to him faster than he expected. 

Bucky bit his lip and looked between Nat and Sam’s concerned faces.  He sighed then pulled his hand out of Nat’s hand.  Running his free hand through his hair made him feel more centered.  He knew he needed a haircut when it took longer than two seconds to card his fingers through his hair.  Ever since he was little he had always been very clean cut with his appearance and, in particular, his hair.  He never liked it long, in fact he hated it how he looked with it and had always had his hair short enough to be manageable yet long enough to style. 

These days though all he ever did was run his fingers through his hair and that was it.  He slid his fingers down his face and was surprised by the thick beard he had going on.   He couldn’t remember the last time he shaved.  He swore he shaved for his mom’s funeral but that couldn’t have been that long ago could it? 

He hadn’t gone down the rabbit hole that far had he?

He looked over at Nat then Sam before he sighed and threw up his hand.  “Fine.  I’ll start the job search tomorrow but neither of you are helping me unless I come to you for help you hear?”

Sam and Nat at the same time gave him the skeptical eyebrow.  He rolled his eyes before getting up and saying, “Say that you guys won’t interfere or I’m going to take this soup and run with it.”

He glared at them when neither of them said anything.  He grabbed the pot holders and took the heavy pot of soup off the stove.

Nat glared hard at him as Sam looked afraid yet slightly impressed.

“You wouldn’t dare,” Nat fairly hissed.

Bucky glared back in full force back her own glare and said in a dangerous whisper, “Try me.”

The air thickened with suspense as Bucky and Nat glared at each other, daring one another to bow down to the other.

Sam was used to this ridiculous battle of theirs and got up in another attempt to change the channel on Bucky’s TV.   How It’s Made had run its course.  Sam snorted then once again tried to manually change the channel.  He was so surprised that when it changed he yelled out a loud whoop while Bucky and Nat said at the same time, “Truce.”

Nat and Bucky stared at Sam who stared back at them with a surprised smile. 

“Uh, we never talk about this again?”

Nat and Bucky looked to each other before looking back at Sam. They all three nodded.

“Soup?” Bucky asked as he raised the pot which was growing heavier by the second.

“Yep!” 

Nat stumbled off the couch and Sam changed the channel quickly before going over to the kitchen.  Bucky gratefully put the pot on the stove again.  He turned off the burner before opening the cabinet above his head and grabbed a bowl.

Nat slapped his hand away as he tried to grab the mixing spoon. 

“Nuh-huh. You sit your ass down or you’re losing an eye.”

“Yeah, cuz last time I trusted you, I nearly lost an eye.” Sam said with a deadpan tone, looking directly at Bucky.

Bucky tried to pout but ended up laughing instead.  “Fine, you assholes. I’ll be on the couch but you better serve me huge bowl or I swear-“

“You’ll kill us in your sleep.”

“We know, Buck.”

Bucky just rolled his eyes at them and went back to the couch.  He saw the channel was on the local news station and rolled his eyes.

Of course Sam had to watch the news.  Some things just never changed.


	8. I Hear the Drumming

Bucky groaned, regretting the action right away as the drumming in his head intensified.  He smacked his mouth opened a few times trying to get some saliva going in his desert dry mouth.  Nothing happened and he whined deep down in his throat.

He rolled over onto his back, whining again. His face had gotten stuck to the floor and peeling it off stung like a bitch.  Bucky planted the heels of his hands hard on his eyes.  Rubbing his eyes until he saw stars made him feel better. It was like his eyes were having orgasms and he couldn’t help but get off.

After a while he felt a cold spot right by him and he groaned when an ice cold blast trailed up his arm. 

“Steve,” he whined as low as he could without making the drumming in his head intensify even more, “Stop.”

 Bucky groaned as Steve laughed close to his ear.  “That’s not what you said last night.”

That piqued Bucky’s interested real quick.  “What?”

He opened his eyes and flinched back at Steve’s to close face.  “Dude, space.”

“That’s not what you wanted last night either.”

Bucky glared hard at Steve’s smug face.  “What are you talking about?”

Steve shrugged before straightening up then sitting on thin air.  “Did you know that you’re a cuddler?”

Bucky scoffed and flipped Steve off as he turned onto his side.  “Yeah, why does that matter?”

“Well, despite me not having a corporeal body drunk you desperately tried to hug me all last night.  That’s why you’re on the ground.”

Bucky laid his hands down flat on the ground before pushing himself up unto his knees.  “I still have no idea what you’re talking about and I don’t want to know.”

Bucky shifted most of weight onto his hands as he straightened until he was on his tiptoes and his ass was in the air.  He slowly walked backwards on his hands until finally his feet were flat and his whole upper body was slumped before them.  With slow precision Bucky lifted his upper body one vertebrae at a time until he was face to face with a very amused Steve.

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

Bucky flipped him off then asked, “And why’s that?”

“Cuz I made you coffee.”

Bucky’s eyes widened and his whole body perked up at the mention of coffee.  He turned his head too fast and his neck popped painfully.  He rubbed his neck tenderly but completely forgot the pain as he saw the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his entire life.  A cup of piping hot coffee on his counter just ready for him to take.

“Oh my fucking God.”  Bucky turned to Steve and said in the sincerest voice, “I love you.”

Steve just looked like he was about to start crying and just barely got out the words, “You’re welcome,” before throwing his head back and laughing.

Bucky winced at his loud laugh but trudged forward towards the little cup of heaven waiting for him.  He walked forward and when he saw the delicious light brown liquid he almost started crying. 

“How much sugar did you put in?”

“Five spoonfuls.”

Bucky clutched his hands together.

“Did you put creamer or milk?”

“The creamer.”

He brought up his fist and softly bit his knuckles as he said a silent thank you to all the deities he knew.

“If you weren’t dead I’d marry you on the spot.”

Once again Steve cackled out loud and Bucky vaguely heard him say something about him wishing he had a recording device on him as he took his little cup of liquid gold into his hands.

He almost started sobbing in ecstasy when he realized his first sip of coffee was the most perfect sip of coffee of his life.

That’s how Sam found him almost sobbing into a cup of coffee.

Sam squinted at him and rolled his eyes as he moved his way from Bucky’s bedroom to the bathroom.

“Bucky? Are you crying?”

Bucky looked up to see a very frumpy looking Nat resting on his bedroom door and said with such emotion for just one word, “Yeah.”

Bucky couldn’t see most of Nat’s face as her medium length hair obscured it almost completely.  There was no hiding the disgust on her face though.

“We are never getting blasted again together if this is what I’m going to wake up to.”

The sound of the toilet going off made Nat jump.  Sam soon came out with a wet face and a groan. 

“Can we not ever do that again?  I swear little men are drilling into my head as we speak and I just want to die.”

“Yeah, I second that.  I think Bucky’s still wasted since he’s practically sobbing into his coffee.”

Sam went up to Bucky then put all his weight leaning onto Bucky’s back with his chin on Bucky's shoulder.  “He probably made the coffee with his drunken tears.”

Nat snorted as she opened up a random cabinet. “Sounds like my kind of meal.”  She closed the cabinet she had just opened and opened up another.  She awed real loud before taking out a mug. 

“Sweet victory.”

“Get me a cup too Nat.”

Nat dismissively waved her hand at Sam as she got another mug out of the cabinet.  “I’m getting you a cup but you’re making your own coffee you mooch.”

“Says the lady that owes me five dinners.”

“Hey,” Nat pressed the big cup button on Bucky’s coffee machine before pointing a finger at Sam, “You said that I could pay you back in coffees for the rest of the year!”

“Yeah, but you still owe me so you can’t say anything to anyone about being a moocher, Queen Mooch.”

Nat waved her hands away.  She opened up a cabinet door then made a soft noise that made Sam and Bucky look up.

“Nat?” Bucky asked cautiously.

Nat slowly closed the cabinet door before turning around and giving Bucky an apologetic smile.  “So, you know how I have this habit of moving stuff around when I’m drunk?”

Sam and Bucky both groaned. 

“Don’t tell me you moved my bowls to god knows where right?”

Her smile got bigger as she awkwardly laugh.  “Maybe?”

Sam just heavily side.  “Right.  Why don’t you make me a cup of coffee,” he said as he gave his cup to Nat, “While Bucky and I look for his shit?”

She nodded her head in disgrace as she took her cup of coffee away from the machine then placed Sam’s onto the cup holder. 

Bucky groaned as Sam stared at him hard.  He put his cup down and stared at it wistfully for a moment before following Sam’s lead.

“I swear Buck if you could only look at your dates like the way you look at coffee every morning you’d be married with 2.5 kids by now.”

Bucky just grunted at Sam as he opened what was supposed to be his food cabinet but was now a mixture of his pots, pans, and utensils.

He just sighed and shook his head as he said in a defeated tone, “Natasha.”

“Sorry.”

It took Sam and Bucky just a few minutes to figure out that Nat had only messed around with his food, bowl, and pots and pans cabinet.  They quickly put everything back into its proper place with them only dropping two pots, one on Sam’s foot and the other that barely missed Bucky’s. 

When they were done Nat had Sam’s cooled coffee in one hand and hers in the other. 

“Look at you manly men fixing up this mess.”

“Yeah,” Sam took his coffee and took one big gulp of it, “A mess you started.”

“Point taken.”  She grabbed onto Bucky’s now cold coffee and tipped it towards Bucky. “You still gonna drink this?”

Bucky sadly looked at the cup of used to be perfection and shook his head.  “Nah, I’m good.”

She smirked at him then dumped the cold coffee into the sink.  “Thought so.”

They stood in silence with Sam and Nat drinking their cold cups of coffee and Bucky tracing patterns on his island. 

“So, what are you guys gonna do today?’

“Well, I was hoping that we’d have some soup left over but if I remember clearly SOMEONE,” Nat pointedly looked at Bucky, “Finished it all off without telling me or Sam about it.”

Bucky shrugged at the accusation.  If he was honest he’d tell them that he blacked out after their third game of strip Jenga.  He remembered clearly that he had lost all three of the games and he was almost sure that they had started a new game but honestly after that he remembered nothing.  He didn’t tell them that because they wouldn’t believe him.

What he did say was, “It’s not my fault that you leave me alone with your soup and you guys expect it to be there when you come back.”

Sam hummed into his coffee.  “You know he’s right.  We should have known better.”

Nat pfft’d really loud then rolled her eyes as she tried to tame her bedhead.  “Says the man that tried to bargain back his underwear with me.”

Sam eyes widened in shock as he slowly lowered down his cup he was about to drink.  “Really?”

“Yeah, really. Bucky was already buck naked for the second time in a row and you were down to your skivvies.  You told me you’d do my laundry AND the dishes if you were able to get five pieces of clothing back.  I got you to actually lose your undies AND you promised to do all the chores for five months.”

 Sam looked at Bucky who tried hiding his smile behind his hand.  Sam glared at him for a moment before asking, “Do you remember this happening Buck?”

Bucky bit the inside of cheek hard keeping himself from laughing by a thread then answered, “Nope.  I sure don’t.”

Bucky let out a huge laugh as Nat glared at the both them then flipped them off with both of her hands.  “You guys are the worst cheaters.”

“Lies,” Sam said as he walked over to the sink.  He poured some water into his empty cup and swirled it around.  He dumped the water out then turned off the faucet.  “I don’t even like pumpkin.”

Nat groaned while Bucky tilted his head to the side. 

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know?  Cheater, cheater pumpkin eater?”

Bucky blinked once then twice before making an oh with his face and going, “Oh, I get it now.”

Nat looked unimpressed and Sam just looked at Bucky like he did when his goldfish Herb did something particularly stupid. 

“Alrighty then,” Sam clapped his hands and turned towards Nat, “I have to do laundry today so I’m gonna head out soon.  You gonna come with me or stay here with slowpoke here?”

Nat blew out a breath picking up the strands of hair that were in front her face.  “I’ll leave with you.  I got to do some laundry too and I have to do an errand with Sharon today.”

Bucky snapped his fingers as he remembered something.  “Right.  You’re going with her to see her grandma right?”

“Great Aunt but yeah.”  Nat looked down at her shirt then brought it up to her nose.  She made a disgusted face as she sniffed it.  “Okay, I need to steal one of your shirts Bucky because I literally I can’t hold my liquor.”

Sam and Bucky both snorted.   Nat could drink them under the table any day but she always spilt a good amount on herself first.

“Alright, but you’re not stealing it you’re borrowing it.  You will give it back to me.”

Nat didn’t look at him as she walked into his room but she mumbled something that Bucky couldn’t hear.

“What was that?”

She sighed before closing the door to his room.  “I said,” she yelled through it, “That unless you come on over back home then you’re never getting this shirt back.” 

Bucky turned to Sam who just shrugged at him.  He rolled his eyes as Nat opened his door, tying the ends of Bucky’s shirt that looked enormous on her. 

“I don’t know what your obsession about first coming then making me going back is.  I’m pretty sure if my memory serves me right that you threatened to kick me out on a daily basis while I was there.”

Nat glared at him before flattening her hair down.  “Lies. I smothered you with love.”

Bucky and Sam looked at each other and smiled at Nat’s lies. 

“Right, and you don’t nag me every day.”

Nat pointed her finger menacingly at Sam before going over and getting her bag that was left by the door.  “I’m practically married to you so I have every right to nag.”

Sam groaned as he walked after her.  “Please never say that to my mama.  She’s already half convinced we’re in a relationship and I don’t need her calling up the church and setting up a date.”

Nat scoffed as she opened the door and waited for Sam to follow after her.  “Oh please like we’d be married in a church.  Straight to the courthouse with this one as the witness and we’d be done before lunch.”

Bucky walked after them and snorted as he leaned against his doorway.  “Right.  As if Mama Wilson would have anything but a church wedding with no less than five hundred guests for her baby boy.”

“Exactly!”

“Not if I any say in it.”

“Oooh! Fighting match between Nat and Mama Wilson!  Sam we would so make bank if we sold tickets!”

“Right so when my mama whoops her ass Nat will have something to pay for her medical bills?”

Bucky ooh’d at that pumping his fist in the air looking at Nat to see what she’d say.  She just shook her head and looked at Bucky with a resigned face.  “Don’t get me wrong Mama Wilson would be a worthy opponent but come on guys you know I’d win.”

Bucky looked back at Sam waiting for him to blow up but was surprised to see Sam smile instead. 

“Ooh, I’m so gonna tell her you said that.”

Nat froze.  She turned robotically to Sam and said in a low threatening voice, “You wouldn’t dare, Wilson.”

All mirth left Sam’s face.  Bucky stopped smiling worrying that this was going to turn into another real big fight between them when Sam said in a dead even tone, “Try me Romanoff.”

Then he turned and ran away towards the stairs at a dead sprint.

A smirk slowly formed across Nat’s face before she turned to Bucky and said, “See you later and remember to come by later or what I’m going to do to Sam right now is what I’m going to do to you.”

Then she took off at a run after Sam.

Bucky watched as she exited through the stairs.  He couldn’t help but shake his head in amusement at his two idiot best friends.


	9. Beware the Steve Ghost

“Your people are strange but amusing.”

Bucky jumped as Steve appeared by his side with his neck sticking out looking where Natasha had just left.

“You know I really hate that you do that.”

Steve turned to him with a smirk.  “And that’s exactly why I do it.”

Bucky rolled his eyes before turning around and shutting the door.  Steve moved out of his way thankfully so he didn’t get a blast of cold air like he did when they touched. 

“So, what did you do last night?”

Steve popped away from his spot and came back sitting on air by the island. “I watched you guys basically.”

Bucky walked around him to his sink.  He looked down at the mess of mugs and dishes in it and sighed.

“You’re weird.”

Bucky looked back to see Steve shrug.  “What a can I say?  I’m a ghost that has nothing better to do then watch three people get totally drunk.”

Bucky nodded his head and hummed at Steve before going over to his stove and looking at the pot that held the stew last night.  He sighed once again when he saw that they had forgotten to soak it last night so now the pot was all encrusted with gunk. 

“You know if you put water in the pan after you’re done with it and then let it sit overnight it would have been way easier to clean.”

Bucky softly glared at Steve before saying, “I know, but as you pointed out all of us were drunk and didn’t think of it at the time.” 

He looked over to his living room checking if there were any dirty dishes lying around.  “Hey, did we leave any dishes around?”

Steve shook his head before he stopped and looked off to the distance as if thinking deeply.  He laughed for a moment before covering his mouth as if to try hide his laughter.  “No, but your friend Nat did squirrel away all the liquor to the right corner of your closet though.”

That made Bucky look at him as he started to clean one the left side of the sink.  “What?”

Steve looked incredibly chuffed at Bucky’s question.  “You heard me. After your drinking game with the blocks both you and Sam went off to bed but the red-head watched you with calculating eyes waiting for you guys to sleep before she quietly and quickly got all the liquor that still had liquid in it into your closet.” 

Bucky watched as Steve's eyes squinted in mirth before he threw back his head and deeply laughed.  He couldn’t help the smile that formed on his face at the sight.

“And-and then she looked right at me and, oh god, I thought she had actually seen me when she told me to keep this a secret between us but then-but then-“ If ghosts could have tears in their eyes Steve definitely had them, “-she just fell face first into your shoes and was out like that.” Steve snapped his fingers when he said that and looked like he was going to fall off the air with how much he was laughing.

Bucky had completely abandoned his task of prepping his sink for washing dishes and instead watched Steve lose himself in his laughter.  Bucky leaned against his island then put his head in on his hand just taking in Steve.    Steve had only been twenty-four when he had died but he had little crow’s feet already forming around his eyes.  Every time he laughed too hard he held onto his stomach as if to hold himself together or he’d burst from laughing. 

Steve may have been a ghost but he certainly was a pretty one.

“You find me and my friends amusing?”

Steve wiped away his eyes and nodded as he gathered his breath (Could ghosts gather breath Bucky wondered?).

“Oh yeah.  I haven’t had this this much fun since the early nineties.”

Bucky tilted his head and asked, “And why was that?”

Steve laughed for a moment longer before shaking his head with a smile.  He looked at his hands for a moment like he was contemplating answering Bucky question.  He looked up with a guarded look then asked, “You really want to know?”

Bucky scoffed before saying, “If I didn’t want to know I’d wouldn’t’ve asked.”

Steve stared at him hard and Bucky started to feel uncomfortable.  He grabbed onto the towel he was using to clean the sink and turned back to rub at the countertop.

“I mean if you want to tell me that’d be cool but you don’t have to.”

Bucky didn’t think Steve would answer as he sterilized the countertop with bleach then he got out his drying rack from underneath his sink.  He jumped and dropped the drying rack on the countertop making Steve stop talking and jump in surprise.

Steve’s ears turned red as he avoided Bucky’s eyes.  “Sorry.  Didn’t mean to scare you that time.”

Bucky didn’t know what to do other than to snort.  “That time.”

Steve finally looked up and gave Bucky a small smile.  Bucky couldn’t help but notice that it was a crooked smile that made Steve boyishly cute.

“Yeah, that time.”  Steve coughed twice and straightened up.  “So, in ’96 I got four new roommates.”

“Four?” Bucky looked around his small apartment. “There’s barely enough for me let alone four.”

Steve threw up both of his hands.  “Right?!  Even when I was alive this would’ve been a tight fit.  But, anyways, the rumor of my tenantment hadn’t gotten around yet and-”Steve stopped and tilted his head in confusion as Bucky laughed out loud.  “What?”

“I’m pretty sure that tenantment isn’t a word.”

Steve waved the comment away with his hand.  “Whatever.  You know what I mean.  Anyways, the apartment was worth a lot more back then so there needed to be four college kids here to pay for the rent.”

Bucky nodded his head as he accepted that fact before going back and plugging his sink in.  He started to run hot water into the sink before he added in soap. 

“So, these kids are the most ridiculous people I have ever met, alive or dead. The alpha male was this big jock that had to have gotten a sports scholarship because he wasn’t all that smart but he was built like a brick shit house.”

Bucky snorted as he stopped the water and added a couple of cups to the hot water.  “I’ve known a few of those.  That type doesn’t ever go away, huh?”

Steve shook his head.  “No and I think since dying they’ve just multiplied into bigger, stupider idiot spawn.”  Steve paused then quickly breathed out air through his nose.  “To be honest when I first saw you I didn’t know if you were going to be a jock or a messed up junked up rocker.”

Bucky threw down his towel and asked in frustration, “Why does everyone say that?!”

Steve threw up his hands right at Bucky and said, “I don’t know!  It might have something to do with you built like a brick shit house and,” Steve pointed to his hair, “And the hair and dark circles don’t really help either.”

Bucky touched his hair remembering that he needed to get it cut soon.  “Did you have a rock star roommate once?”

He looked up when Steve snorted loudly and shook his head with a small smile.  He swore he heard Steve mumble underneath his breath, “Roommate,” but he wasn’t so sure.

Steve tilted his head then looked up at Bucky.  Bucky was struck again at how long Steve’s eyelashes were and he wondered if Steve even knew how handsome he looked right now.

“I lived through the eighties, and I use the word live loosely, so you’re not a glam rocker though you have potential.  You do have the grunge rocker of the nineties going on for you but the early two thousands rocker has a more intense look to him than you do on the regular and it’s too early to tell on how the tens rocker will overall pan out so-,” Steve stared hard at Bucky, “I’m going with grunge rocker.”

Bucky’s disbelief just grew over the span of Steve’s speech.  “Can you leave this apartment?”

Steve shrugged.  “Yeah, but I can’t leave the building.  Why?”

Bucky threw up his hands and said, “How do you know so much about rocker fashion and trends?”

Steve slowly turned towards Bucky giving him the most bored look Bucky had ever been given.  “I have a lot of time.  You know, with the whole eternally dead but living among the living thing gives you a small amount of free time.  But, you know, only a small amount.”

Bucky couldn’t help but be chagrined at how sarcastic his roommate ghost was.  “Were you always this sarcastic?”

Steve shrugged again.  “No.”

Bucky squinted hard at Steve’s straight face.  “Are you being sarcastic right now?”

For one second Steve looked very serious and was mid yes before he cracked with a huge smile then he threw back his head and laughed. 

“If you stick around long enough you’ll eventually figure out when I’m sarcastic and when I’m not.” 

Bucky elongated the word right in a very skeptical way before looking back at the sink then to the massive amount of dishes he still needed to clean.

“I should have used the dishwasher.”

Suddenly there was a high pitched panicked noise that filled the air. 

Bucky looked over at Steve and raised a questioning brow at him.  Steve cheeks were a harsh red on his pale skin, making the freckles scattering his nose and cheeks stand out.  He rubbed the back of hair a few times before he rubbed it once more roughly enough to make his hair stand up on end. 

“See the thing is that the dishwasher doesn’t work.”

Bucky could only blink.

“Say that again?”

Steve wouldn’t look him in the eye as he suddenly became very interested in the wall.   “Okay, so that actually ties into the jock story.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes at Steve then waved his hands around motioning for Steve to continue, “Keep talking.  I need to know how this has to do with my nonfunctioning dishwasher.”

Steve just nodded still not looking at him but growing redder around the ears.  “So, uh, up until the late eighties I hadn’t had enough energy and practice to move things around.”

 “Remind me again how this energy thing works again.”

Steve stopped and opened his mouth before closing it again with a grimace.  “It’s hard to explain.”

Bucky watched as Steve bit his lip before giving him an almost sorry shrug. 

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Fine, tell me later after I hear about this dumb jock and how my dishwasher is now broken.”

 “Okay, so this guy right is just so horrible to be around.  He’s mean, he’s rude, and overall is this obnoxious guy.  Now I’ve been around for so long that I’m used to this sort of character and usually I can just ignore guys like him.  But this guy-this guy took the cherry.  Just seeing this guy made my blood boil.”

Bucky slowly turned back to sink and picked up a cup to start cleaning it.  “What about the other guys?”

Steve waved off the question.  “You wanted the details about this guy not the others.”

Bucky stopped wiping the cup and turned back to look Steve dead in his eyes. “What about the other guys?”

Steve stared back before breathing out a sigh and rolling his eyes.  “You would be that guy that wants to know everything, even people not even relevant to the story.”

Bucky flipped him off with a soapy finger which only made Steve smile wider.

“Okay, _fine_ so his two main best friends were like him, obnoxious but in a way that I’m used to so they weren’t that bad to be around.  Like any other dumb asshole they made stupid jokes and said offensive things that they thought were just hilarious so that was annoying but I’m used to it, you know?”

Bucky didn’t know but he just nodded as he started wiping another cup. 

“The last guy was kind of just there.  He would participate but I could tell that he wasn’t really into the group.  The other three would throw parties and he’d be nowhere around, either at the library or somewhere else.  I remember the jock admitting that the only reason they kept him around was that his parents were paying for majority of the rent.  The guy eventually found out when the other guys fled the apartment.”

Bucky sighed then asked, “Why did they flee the apartment?”

Steve snorted then appeared right next to him on the counter making Bucky jump in surprise.

“When will you stop doing that?”

“When you stop being so jumpy.”

Bucky glared at Steve’s smiling smug face before adding more cups to the soapy water.  “Are you ever getting to the point of this story?”

“Yes, I would but _someone_ keeps interrupting me.”

Bucky just rolled his eyes and went back to washing. 

“As I was saying, I hadn’t used my abilities that much and hadn’t really planned on doing anything with them until one day during one of their parties, the jock took a girl into his room.  I usually left those things alone but I was checking on something when I realized the guy was being-”

Bucky looked over to see Steve looked conflicted.  “Rough?”

Steve slightly shook his head.  “No, but we’ll call it that.  He was being rough and I don’t know, I just got so angry that I forgot that I couldn’t actually grab the guy and yell at him to stop.  I didn’t realize at the time that I could take so much energy from someone until he just sort of flopped unmoving on the bed.”

Bucky stopped washing dishes to look in stunned silence as Steve talked.  “What, uh, happened to the girl?”

Steve wasn’t looking at him but at the island.  He shrugged and said, “She started to freak out when he wouldn’t get off her and started screaming for someone to help.  Someone eventually came and got her out underneath him.  When he woke up he was all groggy and confused but he just laughed it off as him drinking too much.  The girl never came back which I was all too happy happened.”

Steve went silent for a moment before he sighed out loud.  “After that I just really didn’t care anymore.  I would move stuff when they weren’t looking.  I’d make strange noises when they were alone to scare them.  I even broke the dishwasher when one of them was being wasteful.  So, I taught thought teaching them a lesson on how to do things yourself would help them gain some sort of character.” 

Bucky turned to Steve and pointed a soapy finger at him before saying, "Remind me to never get you mad."

Steve snorted then waved his hands as if waving off Bucky's comment.   The left side of his mouth turned up into a small smile.  “That's not even the worst of it.  Scream had just come out and they had the mask and everything for Halloween.  Well, the day after Halloween as they were waking up from their massive hangovers, and the one guy was out for the night, I decided to wear the costume.  There were only two guys here at the time so when I came out of the bedroom they thought I was their friend and started busting my balls for wearing the suit.  But when I didn’t answer them they started to get annoyed and started to yell at me, when the other friend who I knew was out getting them food came in and asked who they were yelling at.  All of them looked at each other before they started yelling at me to tell them who I was.  When I didn’t answer they came over and roughly took off the mask like in that old cartoon with the talking dog and when they realized that nothing was there they dropped the mask.  When the masked dropped I let all my energy go and so the rest of the costume fell as well.  They used to have this full sized mirror where you have the TV and when they left the day before to get supplies I moved a glass of water under it and steamed up the glass to write the words, “Death is Upon Thee,” on to it.  The glass of water was still there when I did the whole nobody in the costume thing and so I made a noise to distract them from noticing me fogging up the glass.  When they turned and saw the messaged they dropped everything and ran out screaming for their lives.”

“That’s bru-”

“Wait I haven’t gotten to the good part yet.  So, later they brought the other roommate all shaken up trying to prove that I existed but I had wiped the message off the mirror and since I had done nothing to the cool roommate he told them to knock it off with the booze.”  Steve chuckled and said, “I remember the dumb one was just petrified and told the cool roommate that he could stay in the haunted apartment but he was not going to be one of those white people that died in a horror films.  The other two agreed and the three packed up and left.  The cool roommate got the apartment to himself for a while before he found two brave enough people to live here before they left in 2000.”

Bucky bit his lip trying not to laugh at the images Steve created.  “Please remind me to never piss you off.”

Steve just smiled and shrugged.  “Oh, at this point it doesn’t matter. I’m gonna haunt you until the end of your days.”  Steve brought up his hands and wiggled his fingers in front of his face.  “Wooooooo!  Beware the Steve ghost!  Fear me!”

Bucky tilted his head and couldn’t help but shake his head in disbelief.  “Do you watch a lot of cartoons?  Because if I’m not wrong you took that from Danny Phantom.”

Steve smiled wide.  “Remember when I said I can leave this apartment?  Well, when I first became a ghost I couldn’t leave this place and go into another apartment without being invited.”

“Like vampires?” Bucky asked with a raised eyebrow.

Steve made an indecisive noise at that before shaking his head.  “Yes and no.  It’s complicated.”

Bucky snorted and nodded his head.  “So, you keep telling me.”  Bucky unplugged the sink and let some of the water out before plugging it back up and adding more hot water.

“Well, after enough years the barriers that kept me from going into other apartments just got too weak compared to the energy I had.  Also if I enter a home after someone tells someone else come in it makes the barrier weaker simply because the owner did allow someone access to their home.”

Bucky stopped the faucet.  He looked at Steve and asked uncertainly, “So, every time I say come on in a ghost enters my home?”

Once again Steve made an indecisive noise.  “Yes and no.  Mosts ghost stop trying to leave after a few years but I’m stubborn.”

Bucky just nodded his head slowly not quite believing what he was hearing. “Right.  Remind me to never do that again either.”

Steve saluted him and said, “Yes, Sergeant Bucky, sir!”

Bucky flipped him off again.  Steve threw back his head as his hands went straight to his chest almost like he was making sure he didn’t fall off the counter.

After Steve stopped laughing he wiped at his eyes then said, “Anyways, now I can go into other people’s homes and let me tell you cartoons have gotten amazing over the years.  I mean, some of the art styles are ridiculous now but the _stories_ and the _characters_.  Wow, they are just amazing.”

Bucky put the large pot that held the soup in the hot water and stepped away to let it soak.  “Who do you watch them with?  Kids?”

Steve nodded.  “Yeah, pretty much or college students! College students really love their cartoons now.  And memes.  Actually I really don’t know what memes are but I know that’s what they like.”

Bucky could only stare at Steve who looked so confident in what he was saying.  It actually reminded him of his grandfather whenever he used some new slang right or knew what Bucky would ramble about when he was a kid.  It was an expression that made Bucky smile just a little bit.

“I should show you the internet sometime.”

Steve perked up quickly at that.  “Would you? I always wanted to get on it but computers are a whole other breed of energy that deserves more finesse than I have.”

Bucky laughed and went back to the sink to start scrubbing at the pot.  “So, I’m guessing you’ve destroyed a few computers, eh?”

“Oh, yeah.  I never do it on purpose but it kinda just happens.”

Bucky stopped scrubbing to blankly stare at Steve.  “I was totally joking.”

Steve bit his lip and looked shyly away.  “Oh.”

“Yeah. You’re so not using my computer. But!” He held up his hand with the scrubber to stop Steve’s indignant comments, “I will show you it and maybe teach you how a non-ghost person works it. Okay?”

Steve closed his mouth as if swallowing his comments before he nodded his head.  “Okay, but can you promise me one thing?”

Bucky nodded his head.  “Yeah, what?”

“Can you not show me porn on the first go around?  I may not be able to see it but I can tell you that porn now-a-days is freaky.”

Bucky didn’t know how to respond to that other than to look at Steve in total surprise before laughing to tears. 

Steve didn’t think it was funny and said so but Bucky couldn’t stop laughing for the life of him.

Steve humphed at him before disappearing altogether.

Bucky had the feeling Steve was still around just hiding from him.  When he stopped laughing he wiped his eye with his wrist then said to the air, “Fine no porn, you stick in the mud!”

Silence answered him.

Bucky snorted before finally finishing his dishes.  He drained and cleaned up were the water splashed everywhere then sighed.  He threw down the towel in his hand and called it a day.  He walked into his room and flopped down on his bed ready for deep sleep.

He was just comfortable when he remembered what Steve said about Nat and the liquor.  A nagging feeling of needing to know if what Steve said was true or not overcame him and he groaned as he flung himself out of bed and checked his closet. 

He barked out a laugh as he saw what Steve said was true with all sorts of bottles stashed at the corner of his closet.  

Bucky shook his head before closing his closet and going to bed.

He was once again near sleep when he heard Steve say, “Lazy bones.”

Despite wanting to ignore Steve and fall asleep Bucky couldn’t help but counter with, “Shut up Steve.  Some of us need to sleep.”

He laughed as he heard Steve make a raspberry noise.  The room suddenly felt empty after that and soon after Bucky went off to sleep.


	10. Everybody Scream

“So, where you going?”

Bucky grabbed his backpack from the floor before opening it and stuffing the folder that held a few copies of his resume into it.  “I’m going to go looking for a job at local spots before I try any of the big chain places.”

Steve looked up from another marathon of How It’s Made and asked, “Don’t you have to go on the internet now and put your resume in that way?”

Bucky stopped struggling to zip up the backpack and stared in surprise at Steve’s question. “Yeah, how’d you know that?”

Steve shrugged.  “I notice a lot of the people trying to get jobs are always on their computers and complaining about the hiring process.  I kinda just connected two dots.”

Bucky nodded his head before hissing a yes out when he successfully zipped up his backpack.  “Sounds logical.  Don’t scare any little old ladies while I’m gone okay?”

Bucky smiled wide as he heard Steve yell back at as he opened the door, “Wow, how to be a buzzkill, Mom!”

Bucky stuck out his tongue then smiled even wider as Steve threw back his head and laughed.  He closed the door and locked it, shaking his head at Steve.  He pulled at the handle making sure the door was locked then nodded to himself and turned to leave, to jump five feet in the air at the unexpected appearance of girl right in his space.

“Oh my god, you scared me.”  Bucky put a hand over his pounding heart trying to get his breathing back under control.  Using a calming trick Nat taught him, he looked at the girl and started categorizing her appearance.  The process of identifying stuff had always helped him calm down.

The girl in question was watching him closely behind a pair of glasses that were bright neon green around the rim and black on the temples.  She had big lips that were painted a soft pink.  There was a little mole on the side of her mouth that quirked up when she smiled at him.   He could see her hair was brown since it was so long but her head was covered by a maroon beanie that clashed horribly with her glasses.

“You know you’re weird right?”

Bucky couldn’t help but give her a confused and offended expression before looking around him.  “Huh, excuse me?”

The girl’s smile widen as she nodded her head towards the door behind her.  “I’m your neighbor.”

Bucky nodded at her and looked around him once again trying to figure where this girl came from.  “Uh, that’s nice but-”

“I’m getting there.”  She walked back a few steps towards her door and pointed at it.  “The vents carry noise.  Not enough that I can actually hear what you’re saying but I can hear you talking to someone. But I’ve noticed that this person never actually leaves your apartment.”

Bucky waits for her to continue but she just keeps smiling at him making him feel more uncomfortable by the second.  “I’m sensing there’s a question?”

She shrugged and opened up her door and walked in half way before saying, “There isn’t one just yet, but know I’m watching you.  Oh, and the name’s Darcy!  And if you ever have sex can you please not be very loud since the last girl that was there was a screamer and let me tell you it wasn’t pleasant being reminded about the one thing you’re jonesing for while also trying to sleep.  So, yeah, be kind and rewind neighbor.”  She waved at him before going in and closing her door.

Bucky couldn’t help but look around the empty the corridor as if looking for answers after the bizarre encounter.  He shook his head and just chalked it up to it being a weird morning and not a weird day.  He was hoping that he could find a job today and save himself the hassle of a long job search. He knew from experience not to hold his breath though. 

After the fun night with Sam and Nat, Bucky successfully nursed his hangover with sleep and coffee.  He had remembered their conversation of finding a job and had procrastinated looking up jobs in his area on his computer until he couldn’t stop Sam and Nat’s nagging voices in his head.  He had quickly gotten frustrated at the amount of jobs that he didn’t want or didn’t have the qualifications for bombarding him at every turn before closing his laptop in frustration.  He decided that in the morning he would go hit the pavement before going through the online headache he knew he would have to go through.

He had struck out the first three places he went to.  He’d talked to some of the employees asking if they were hiring and, if so, do they have an application?  At the first two the employees had simply shaken their heads and told them they weren’t hiring at that moment.  The third one had given him an application but the employee had said after the manager had asked Bucky a few questions that he shouldn’t get his hopes up since the boss’s kid was coming back from living abroad and needed a job.  Bucky had nodded back awkwardly and threw away the application as he left.

After walking for so long, Bucky hadn’t wanted to get a bus back home just yet and had decided he’d look for a coffee shop or a small restaurant he could sit down at until he could get feeling back in his feet. 

He didn’t realize just how hard finding somewhere to sit in the neighborhood he was in was actually going to be or he would have taken the bus.  Every shop or store he went into either didn’t have sitting or there were too many people in the store or he’d try to sit and the employees would shoo him away.

He was getting ready to head to the bus and forget about the day when he passed by an unassuming store, not thinking about anything other than complaining to Steve when he heard the most ungodly sound coming from the store.  He had stopped and doubled back to look into the entrance. 

The sight before him made him tilt his head in confusion and question how his day went from weird to weirder.

There before him was a man singing, er, screaming along to a screamo song blasting in the background.  What made the scene even stranger was that the man was cleaning the counter very heavy handedly while wearing a pink bra over his plain black barista t-shirt.  The man’s face was also covered with deep scars that could have only been made from a fire.  But instead of hiding from Bucky’s gaze when he locked eyes with him the guy simply flipped him off before throwing up his hands and screaming in sync with the singer in the song.

Bucky walked a few steps back and looked up at the sign above him.  It read, “Barton’s,” but the R and the apostrophe had faded off so much that all it read was, “Batons.”  Bucky didn’t know why but he needed to enter the store right then and there.

 Bucky ignored the too loud music and the man screaming along with it to look around the coffee shop.  There wasn’t any booths at all just small short tables with wooden chairs that actually looked comfortable, in all different colors scattered around the place.  There was enough light from the windows that the natural light gave the place a pleasant almost timeless feel. 

Bucky tilted his head in wonderment when a bright ray of sunshine appeared for a few seconds showing him the small dust that was falling all around them. 

He couldn’t help smiling and feeling right at home in the place.

Bucky’s feet were throbbing at this point and when he looked to the back right of the store there was a sign by an opening that read, “REcorDs UpStairs.” 

Bucky looked at the guy who was now singing to a cartoonish sounding song and smiled at the guy.  The guy in turn saw the smile and flipped him off promptly then spun around on the spot and tried to hold a note, but that only made it sound like he as dying.

Bucky shook his head and headed towards the doorway.   When he got close he noticed that the doorway lead up to some stairs.  Bucky stopped then looked back at the sign then rolled his eyes at himself.

“The sign says upstairs. Why wouldn’t there be stairs?” Bucky mumbled underneath his breath as he climbed up the stairs.  By the time he got to the top, his feet were hurting again and he was starting to question all of his choices until he saw a small stool right in front of the first row of records and he let out a big sigh of relief before collapsing onto it.

Bucky closed his eyes and let out another huge sigh of relief.  He stayed there, just slowly letting himself enjoy not being on his feet when he heard the music from downstairs stop.  He opened his eyes and wondered what was going on downstairs when he heard thumping from the stairs and sighed at having his alone time being interrupted.

A tall but well-muscled blond came up the stairs looking pissed off moving his hands wildly in front of himself.  Once he caught sight of Bucky though he paused and put on a forced customer service smile that Bucky was all too used to seeing, before speaking.

“I’m sorry about Wade down there.  He doesn’t work here.  He just helps out and I had to go to the bank real quick and I’m sorry if he did anything untoward and-”

Bucky waved his hand before shaking his head, “Don’t worry.  The whole reason I came in was to see what type of place employed a man with a blindingly pink bra singing screamo music.  So far, I like it.”

The guy blinked then asked slowly, “Wade was wearing a pink bra just now?”

Bucky slowly nodded his head.  “Yep.  And he was singing screamo.”

The guy just slowly blinked at him looking like whatever was downloading in his head was taking a while.

He shook his head then smiled at him.  “Well, I still hope he didn’t do anything to make you feel uncomfortable.”

Bucky shrugged again. “He flipped me off when I made eye contact, but I’m sort of used to it so it didn’t bother me.”

The guy stared at Bucky once again in a silence. 

Bucky couldn’t handle it and held out his hand.  “Name’s Bucky.  I like your place even if it has scary looking guys singing cartoon theme songs.”

The guy looked at Bucky’s hand and shook it slowly.  “Yeah, well, at least one of us does.  The name’s Clint and I own this dump.”

Bucky let out a big laugh that made him embarrassed for how loud it was.  He took his hand away then asked, “So, if that guy isn’t working here why’s he covering for you?  Cuz I’m assuming this isn’t a regular thing?”

The guy sighed and rubbed the back of his head.  “The kid that was supposed to work today had to go off on a family emergency.”  He waved his hands.  “Or so he told me.  I’m figuring his father whisked him off on a ‘vacation’ that he didn’t ask for.”

Bucky tilted his head in question. 

The guy waved his hands again and shook his head.  “His father’s this overbearing rich guy who doesn’t take no easily.”

Bucky stared at the guy who just shrugged and motioned towards the stairs.  “Want a drink? Wade’s still here but he’s under control.”

Bucky smiled at that as he got up from the stool.  “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Bucky followed Clint down the stairs wondering what he was going to be met with.  He was a little disappointed to find the strange barista working with a costumer acting like any other barista in any other coffee shop.

The music was now what a typical coffee shop would play.  Slow jazz music softly playing in the background to the point that if Bucky stopped paying attention to it would disappear from his attention. 

Now that the music wasn’t blasting and the barista wasn’t screaming and flipping him off Bucky took another look around.  He quirked a smile when he saw on the menu board a little drawing of an arrow by the word, “Espresso,” and underneath that were the words, “Take a shot of espresso for another .50!”

He looked back when Clint called out his name.  The other customer walked past him, not even giving him a glance as they walked out with their attention on their phone.

He ignored their dismissiveness and walked up to the counter leaning on his arms.  He looked at the menu trying to remember the drink name he got last time he was in a coffee shop.

He shrugged and decided to play it safe even though there were many different things on the menu that he wanted to try just because of the name. 

“I’d like a medium mocha.”

Clint nodded his head and turned around but instead of saying anything, he did something with his hands.  Wade must have understood because he nodded his head and started on his drink.

Clint turned back and smiled before saying, “$3.62.”

Bucky nodded and turned around to get into his backpack.  As he got his wallet out he saw what Clint was doing before.  Clint was signing to Wade on how to make a mocha.  Wade silently nodded back and did what Clint signed. 

Bucky just stood there watching the conversation happening before him.  It wasn’t often that he saw people using sign language.  He felt really awesome that even though he hadn’t signed in a while that he could still understand what the two were saying.

He quickly looked down and got his money out when Clint turned back around with his drink.  He handed Clint his money before signing thank you and taking the drink.   Bucky turned away from Clint and Wade to scope out which chair out of the entire place looked the best to sit on when he felt a tap on shoulder.

He turned back to see Wade very enthusiastically jumping up and down with a smile that didn’t quite lift up on the right.  He quickly signed, “You know how to sign?”

Bucky nodded and put down his drink before signing back, “A little.  Go slow, please?”

Wade smiled before signing very slowly, “Is this slow enough for you?”

Bucky had to bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing. “I don’t know.  You tell me, Scream-o king.”

Wade smiled even wider before he nodded his head then looked over at Clint with a smile.  Clint just kind of stared at Wade with an empty expression until Wade nodded his head towards Bucky.  Clint rolled his eyes before running a hand down his face. 

“So, I’ve been trying to find someone that knows ASL since it’s easier on Wade’s vocal cords if he signs rather than speak all the time.”

Wade nodded and turned back to Bucky and signed, “Fire.”

Bucky nodded at him before turning back to Clint who looked weary.

“He was singing scream-o earlier so doesn’t that hurt his vocal cords at all?”

Clint just nodded and looked disapprovingly at Wade, who was looking anywhere but Clint, “Yeah, but Wade’s a moron so I’m not surprised.”

He shook his head. “Anyways, I’m usually not one to hire on the spot, but would you mind filling out an application and coming for an interview?  It’s all a formality since I’m pretty sure you’ll be hired on the spot anyways but could you?”

Bucky didn’t know how to process what was being asked of him.  All he could do was blink a few times in stunned silence.

“Wait are you telling me you’re offering me a job?”

Clint made a despairing noise before nodding.  “Yes, but it wouldn’t be much in hours and hell if you’re not used to customer service.  Also, you’d have to be working along Wade for most of your shifts and I don’t know if you’re up to that challenge.”

Bucky looked between Clint and a bouncing Wade still trying to process what exactly was happening.  He was just handed a job on his first day of job hunting.  This had never happened to Bucky.  He had always had to search and butter up people just to get a chance for an interview.

Clint huffed out a breath and said, “If you don’t want it I understand I’d just-“

“No.”  Bucky lifted up a hand and shook his head.  “Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting the offer is all.  I just started a job search today and I didn’t think I’d get anything for a while.”

Clint nodded his head.  “So, do you except or-?”

Bucky nodded his head quickly.  “Yes, yes!  Where do I get the application?”

Clint turned to Wade and signed something too fast for Bucky too see but soon Wade headed behind a door that Bucky assumed lead to a kitchen. 

“I’m not lying when I say the hours are going to be crap and that Wade can be a handful especially when I’m not around.”

Bucky took his drink and just nodded his head.  “From what I’ve seen of him already I can tell he’s different-”

Clint snorted, “You’re telling me.”

“-but I can honestly say I’ve worked with way worse.  Even if we don’t get along I’ll survive.”

Clint nodded.  “Let’s just hope Wade will keep to you.”  He turned around when Wade came from the back and tapped him on the shoulder.  He looked at the application in Wade’s hands before motioning his head towards Bucky. 

“I don’t need the application.  I own the place.”

Wade rolled his eyes and put the application underneath his armpit before he once again signed something too fast for Bucky to see all of what he was trying to say.   He did see some choice curse words like asshole and moron being used though.

Bucky laughed but tried to cover it up when Clint looked at him.  “Does he always talk like that?”

Clint nodded his head before taking the application from Wade who looked satisfied and said, “Pretty much.  I don’t know why I keep him around since he’s a pain in my butt.”

Wade signed very slowly and with exaggerated kissy faces and noises, “You love me.”

Bucky couldn’t help the barking laugh that left him this time as he took the application from Clint.

Clint just snorted with a soft smile.  “You can sit anywhere and fill that in if you have nowhere else to go.”

Bucky shook his head before taking a quick sip of his coffee.  “No worries.  I have no place else to be right now.  I’ll fill this in and give it back to you as soon as I can to let you guys bicker on without me.”

Wade threw back his head but only a soft wheezy laugh came out.  When he was done he looked at Clint and signed, “I like him.”  He then turned to Bucky and said in a stronger voice than Bucky had expected, “Call me Deadpool.”  Wade, er, Deadpool showed Bucky how to sign his name and Bucky copied it three times before Wade nodded in satisfaction.

Clint looked like he was ready to murder someone but Bucky had a feeling that that was just his resting face and forgot about it as he sat down and filled out the application.

It took him longer than it should have just because he hated filling out applications, but soon enough he dotted his last i and crossed his last t.  He put his pen back into his backpack and got it resettled on his back before going up and giving it to Clint.  Clint told him he’d call him back in a few days and usually Bucky didn’t put much stock in that phrase but when Clint said it he actually believed it.

Wade tried to quickly teach him new words but Bucky knew cuss words when he saw him and shook his head at a put out Wade.  Clint snorted loudly at that and Bucky signed his goodbyes before heading to the bus in high spirits that he finally found a job without even trying. Hopefully, this would get Nat and Sam off his back for a while.


	11. No One Told You Life Was Gonna Be This Way

“So, when he said he’d call you back in a few days did he actually say a few days or did he say a week?”

Bucky rolled his eyes and threw a piece of paper at Steve.  When he realized what he had just done he looked at Steve then behind him.  When he saw the piece of paper he had just thrown on the ground he groaned before turning back to the sandwich he was making.

“Well?”

Bucky gave Steve a deadpanned stare before putting the top of his sandwich on the bottom half. He put the sandwich on a plate and headed to his couch.

“Shut up, Steve.”

“What?  He told you he’d call you but he never did!”  Steve popped away from the kitchen to the seat right next to where Bucky sat.  “Why don’t you go down there and talk to the guy?”

Bucky wasn’t in the mood right then to take Steve’s reasonable questions.  He had been certain that Clint was going to call him back.  Clint seemed to have liked him and especially Wade.  So, why didn’t he get a call back?

“I don’t know Steve.  I just don’t want to be that guy who can’t take a hint.”

Steve scoffed before popping off the couch to the kitchen then back to the couch.  He threw the wadded piece of paper that Bucky had thrown at, er, through him at Bucky’s head.  “Nonsense.  Just go back and see what’s going on!  You said that he was short staffed so maybe something happened and it slipped his mind to call you?  Or maybe it’d be nice just to hear, “Hey, sorry but I didn’t actually need you,” so you can get on with your life and job hunt?”

Bucky balanced his sandwich on the arm of his couch before putting his laptop on his lap.  He slumped into his sit and started up his computer. 

“I _am_ job hunting.” 

Even to his own ears he could hear how petulant and whiny he sounded but he didn’t care.  He had been unofficially job dumped.  He was allowed to be whiny and petulant.

“Watching another episode on Netflix isn’t job hunting Bucky.”

Bucky just made a huffing noise before signing in then headed to Netflix.   

“I thought you said you wanted to learn about computers?”

“I do but all you’ve been doing is binge watching FRIENDS, which okay is a good show I’m not gonna lie, but you haven’t actually taught me anything about them.”

Bucky glanced over at a worried looking Steve before grabbing his sandwich and taking a huge bite out of it.

Steve’s worried look turned into a super done one.  “Okay, I didn’t want to be that guy but if you don’t call Clint today I’m gonna text Nat that you’re not doing your end of the deal.”

Bucky paused his hand over the mouse pad then turned and stared in confusion at Steve.  “You don’t even know how to work computers so how could even use my smartphone?”

Steve straightened up from his position and said, “I don’t know how to manipulate a smartphone’s energy but I do know how to use a stylus and I know the combination to get into your phone.  Don’t test me.”

Bucky straightened up and put his laptop on his little coffee table.  “Okay, then how would you get Nat to believe it’s me and not someone else?”

Steve shrugged.  “I would simply explain the situation and then ask for her help.”

Bucky took another bite of his sandwich and literally and figuratively chewed over his situation.  Once he swallowed he looked Steve in the eye and asked, “Why do you care if I get the job?  Don’t you get lonely when I’m gone?”

Bucky took note of how Steve straightened up in his sit categorizing it behind “nervous tick” underneath his ever growing knowledge of Steve. 

“I get lonely yes but it would be lonelier if you got evicted for not paying rent.”

Bucky noticed how pink Steve got around the ears.  His ramrod straight posture and the way he balled up his hands clued Bucky in on how uncomfortable and defensive Steve was.  Bucky didn’t understand why he would be but decided he wouldn’t ask.

“Fine.  I’ll call Clint but after my sandwich.”

Steve seemed to deflate into himself in relief.  “Okay, but you can’t watch Netflix until after you call.  Agreed?”

Bucky nodded his head.  “Okay.  Now shut up so I can eat.”

Steve nodded with a soft relieved sigh and small smile.  “Okay.”  Steve popped away from the couch to the TV and turned it on.  He switched the channels until he found the History Channel and let out a disappointed groan when How It’s Made wasn’t on.

Bucky ate his sandwich watching as Steve changed the channels slow and deliberate waiting and watching until finding a channel unsatisfactory then moving on to another.  Bucky wondered what Steve thought about his generation.  He wondered what he had thought about youth in the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, 90’s, and beyond. How did it compare to his youth?  What was better than before? Worse?  He wanted to ask a lot of these questions but didn’t know if he should.

Steve eventually found a food channel and hummed in approval before poofing back onto the couch right next him.

Bucky finished his sandwich and wiped his hands on his pants before getting his phone from his pocket.  He looked up Barton’s on his phone looking for the phone number and found it after a few seconds.  He sighed as he stared at the number not wanting to call the number prolonging the inevitable.

“The longer you wait the longer you’ll miss out on your FRIENDS binge.”

Bucky just grunted at Steve before he dialed the number and brought the phone to his ear.  His heart was pounding, wanting and not wanting for Clint to pick up the phone.  It rang three times and Bucky was going to hang up and call it a day when suddenly Wade’s voice answered with a, “Barton’s or Batons depending how you want to toss it.  How may I help you?”

Bucky let out a tiny panicked laugh before saying, “Is that your company slogan or is that just how you answer the phones, Deadpool?’

There was a tiny pause before Wade suspiciously ask, “Who is this and do you have a particular set of skills?”

Bucky snorted out a laugh, “Sorry, it’s Bucky from the other day.”

There was another pause where Bucky started to sweat and started questioning himself whether he even went to Barton’s at all or just hallucinated it when the ungodly screech of Wade screaming his name made him cringe away from the phone.

Steve turned away from his watching to raise an eyebrow at him.

Bucky shrugged and mouthed Deadpool before putting the phone back to his ear.  “I see you remember me.”

“YAS!  The handsome homeless looking guy who knows how to sign! Eff yeah I remember you!”

Bucky couldn’t help but smile even though he felt conflicted about Wade’s description of him.  “Yeah, that’s me.  Uh, I was wondering if Clint was in?”

Bucky heard Wade suck in a deep breath to have it loudly expelled on the phone.  “No, not right now but I’ll tell him right away to call you back!”

Bucky felt his hopes that he had been trying not to rise fall at Wade’s words.  “Oh, uh, it’s okay.  I was just wondering about the job but it’s okay you don’t-“

Wade made a psh-ing sound and he snapped loud enough that Bucky could hear it. “No, dude, you don’t understand. Clint just had to deal with some emergency family stuff so the place has been closed for a few days.  We’ve only been open for today so don’t think you’re getting off the hook on being my new employee.”

Bucky tried keep his hopes squash but they were rising once again.  “I’m pretty sure I’ll be Clint’s new employee since he’s the one who actually owns the place.”

Wade suddenly got quiet and whispered, “Shhhh don’t tell Clint this but I basically run the joint.  I just make him think he is.”

Suddenly there was another voice in the background and Bucky couldn’t hear what the person was saying but figured out it was Clint when Wade yelled, “I practically built this store from its foundations!”

The voice on the other end got louder but still not clear enough that Bucky could understand what was being said.  Wade humphed before oohing.  “Ooh-ooh!  Guess who’s on the line and it’s not one of the sexy phone line ladies either!”

Bucky suddenly felt panic and was about to tell Wade not to tell Clint he was on the line even though that’s exactly why he called in the first place when Clint took away the phone.  “Yeah, yeah it better not be one of those sexy phone ladies or it’s coming out of your pay check.”

Bucky contemplated just hanging up when Clint asked, “Hello?”

He sighed and swallowed nothing before saying, “Hey, it’s me Bucky from the other day.”

The knots in his stomach finally started to loosen up when Clint enthusiastically yelled back, “Bucky! Hey, man how you doing?  I haven’t seen you around.”

Bucky blanked at that.  He didn’t know if he should remind Clint of what Wade just told him about the shop not being opened but Clint’s groan stopped him.

“Okay, sorry, that was stupid.  Would you be kind and rewind this conversation?”

Bucky breathed out a laugh before nodding and saying, “Yeah, that’s cool.”

Clint breathed out a big breath before saying, “I’m sorry for not calling you back.  I was going to when there was a family emergency on my end and I had to leave for a couple of days.  If you’re still interested would you mind coming down tomorrow and doing a not so formal interview?”

Bucky couldn’t help the huge smile.  He excitedly ran his hands through his hair and straightened up in his sit before saying, “Yeah, I can totally do that tomorrow.”

Clint breathed out another big breath this one sounding more relieved than the earlier one and said, “Okay, good.  If you could come in a dark shirt and pants. Do you have slip resistant shoes?”

Bucky nodded his head.  “Yeah, I do.”

“Good if you can wear those as well.  After your interview if it’s slow we can get your training started.  If not, well, we’ll see tomorrow at around two?”

Bucky bit his lip and tried to keep himself from jumping up and down in his sit with excitement.  “Yeah, I’ll see you at two.”

“Alright, I have customers coming in so I’ll let you go but see you tomorrow. Bye.”

Bucky said his goodbyes and hung up.  He dropped his phone on the couch and turned towards Steve who was staring at him with a smile.

“So, do you have the job?”

Bucky smiled so wide and a big bubbly laugh escaped Bucky’s lips.  “Yeah, I got the job.”  He widened his eyes and smile even before jumping off the couch and threw a fist in the air.  “I got a job Steve!  A real actually real fucking job!”  He kept jumping up in excitement wanting to take Steve’s hands but remembering just barely that he couldn’t.  Instead he hopped in front of Steve and said, “Hear that Stevie?  I’m not leaving anytime soon and I got Nat and Sam off my back.”

Steve rolled his and eyes and scoffed but Bucky could see the mirth in his eyes.  “You’re a loser.”

Bucky hopped away from Steve and shook his head, “You’re just jealous because you’re not goona be making bank soon.”  Suddenly, Bucky felt like dancing.  He slowly hopped on his feet before turning around pretending he had a stack of money on his hands and letting the imaginary money rain.

“I’m gonna make bank and you’re jealous!”

Bucky let the imaginary money rain down near Steve who was turning red in the face from him trying not to laugh.  “You’re an idiot.”

Bucky stopped making it rain and got close to Steve.  He got so close that he actually felt the cold spot that Steve naturally created.  He smiled wide and said, “Yeah, but at least this idiot has a job.”  He eyed his phone and grabbed at it until he could put Pandora on.  He clicked on his Backstreet Boys channel and suddenly a Britney Spears song came blasting from the phone.  He dropped it back on the couch then he started to dance with abandon.

He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this fucking happy.  He closed his eyes and let the Britney sing about how she was stronger than yesterday flow over him, not caring about anything but just moving his hands and hips around.

After the song came to an end and a Backstreet Boys song came on he opened his eyes and smiled at a smiling but pink around his ears Steve.

“So, like my moves?”

Steve jumped as if he was startled and his ears turned a harsher red.  He coughed and shook head before smiling once more at him.

“Nope.  I’m of good authority that your white boy dancing is in fact really terrible.”

Bucky tilted his head keeping his mad dancing skills going.  “Oh really?  From what I can see you’re also a white boy who looks like he owns his own set of left feet.”

Steve’s whole demeanor changed.  He seemed to bristle with how his lips thinned and his hands tightened in angry fists. 

Bucky felt his stomach drop and he slowly started to stop dancing but soon Steve shook his head and he once again was smiling and he fists were relaxed like before.

Bucky didn’t understand why his comment could warrant such a reaction but he filed it under ‘Don’t ever talk about it ever’.

“You’re right that I’m white but I’ve lived long enough to know when someone doesn’t know how to dance.  Even though I may be short of being a hundred and know nothing of the dance styles today I do know a teenager on the sixth floor that would tell you bluntly that your white boy dancing is terrible.”

Bucky stopped dancing and stared at Steve in question.  Wanting to save the mood from his blunder he fluttered his eyes dramatically before asking Steve dramatically, “Steve are you a peeping tom?”

Bucky stopped fluttering his eyelashes as his stomach dropped.  Steve lost the humorous look in his eyes again and rolled them in annoyance. “No.  She comes and goes a lot so I see her as I roam.  And when I do go into someone’s apartment I don’t go into their bedrooms.”

Bucky didn’t even know why he opened his mouth because once he opened it he regretted immediately, “But you saved that one girl from the jock-”

Steve waved a hand.  “It was _my_ room, Bucky.  If I want to go in there when that jock or even you want to have sex I’ll do so because I’m not sure if you know this but I live here and since I’m the oldest one here I claim dibs on everything.”

The last of Bucky’s sudden rush of excitement died.

“Look I didn’t mean-”

“Whatever, I got to go anyways.”  Steve disappeared for a moment and Bucky started to feel like a total ass when Steve popped back up again but near the door.  His back was towards Bucky but he said over his shoulder, “Sorry for ruining your fun.  I’m just poor company right now. And the girl I was talking about?  Her name’s America by the way. If you ever see her around you should chat her up.”  With that Steve was gone.

Bucky looked towards the door in his now emptier apartment.  He grabbed onto his phone and quickly turned off Pandora no longer loving the 90’s pop that was blasting from it.  He slumped back onto his couch.  He combed his hands through his hair before stopping mid-way then thrashing his too long hair in all directions making his head hurt. 

After a few moments he stopped then took his fingers away.  He knew he had knew tangles and just tried his best to pat his hair down to no avail.  He gave up on it and grabbed his laptop.  He was just about to click on another episode of FRIENDS when the show on the TV caught his eye.  A man with spiked up bleached hair was narrating about a diner and all its tasty creations.  Bucky glared hard at the man before getting his channel changer and turning it off.

Bucky huffed in anger before turning back to his computer clicking on the episode wanting to get lost in the world of Joey, Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, Rachel, and Ross.  At least their fuck ups only lasted an episode rather than an entire lifetime.


	12. Let's Get Down to Business

“Steve?”

Bucky finished tying his shoe and looked around his living room.  He didn’t know if his feeling was right but Steve hadn’t been in the apartment all night and this morning.  Bucky had tried not to say anything hoping if he stayed quiet Steve would pop back and everything would be the same as it was.  He had gotten ready for the interview/possibly first day of work and was chewing on how to say sorry for whatever he did to piss Steve off so much that he hadn’t come back to the apartment.

He realized that he shouldn’t have said the peeping tom joke, because, well, not everyone took kindly to be being called one even if it’s a joke.  He thought that his and Steve’s humors were compatible and that Steve would know that he was just joking and not really calling him a pervert.   Bucky thought for a moment that maybe Steve _was_  a peeping tom when Steve was alive and even now that he can go into other people’s apartments but had dismissed it right as he thought of it.  From what he’s seen of Steve and what he knows of Steve that just didn’t jive.

What got him stumped was why got so pissed at him saying he had two feet.  There was something obviously negative connected to that statement and he really wanted to know what it was.  He knew he was on thin ice with Steve or was hoping that at least since Steve still hadn’t appeared.  Even though Steve was a pain in the ass Bucky really didn’t want him to leave just because he was unintentionally an ass.

“Hey, Steve I don’t know if you’re in here or not but I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for pissing you off and calling you a peeping tom.  It was all in fun and I didn’t mean anything by it but I did hurt you feelings and I’m sorry for that.”

Silence met him.

He sighed and grabbed his backpack and keys.  He walked slowly towards the door and opened it slightly before saying to the room, “I'm really sorry Steve.”

When nothing answered him he sighed again before exiting.  He turned and locked the door hoping Steve heard him and would forgive him.  He didn’t like the idea of coming back to an empty apartment.

He turned, thinking about Steve not noticing the person next him until he gasped and jumped back clutching his rapidly beating heart.

“Do you always do this to your neighbors?”

His neighbor, he couldn’t remember her name at the moment since he was trying to learn how to breathe again, had a steaming cup of something in her hands that she took a sip of watching him over the rim of it.

“So, have a fight last night with your roommate?”

Bucky took in a few deep breaths before glaring at her.  “I don’t know how that’s any of your business.”

She nodded her head taking in a deep sip before wiping her lips.  “True, but sound carries and I figured asking if this silence will be a normal occurrence or not?”

Bucky opened his mouth to tell her to mind her own damn business when her question hit him.  He slowly closed his mouth in shock because what if Steve didn’t come back?  What if he offended him so much last night that he simply doesn’t come in the apartment when he’s around while visiting everyone else?

He was suddenly knocked out of his thoughts when he saw the calculating look on his nosy neighbors face. 

He couldn’t think of a witty response so he said flatly, “If it does you’ll be first one to know.”

She slowly nodded her head before she walked backwards towards the door.  “That I will be.”  She turned and opened her door.  She walked half-way in the entrance before saying, “Say hi to Steve for me.”

Bucky was ready to say, “I would if I could,” until he realized what she said and he asked instead, “What did you just say?”  By that time she had already closed her door, leaving Bucky in confusion and with too many questions running through his head.

He shook his head and scowled at her door before sticking his tongue at it.  He knew it was childish but he was already dealing with his drama with Steve now he has to deal with his creepy neighbor.

He roughly checked to see if his door was locked before walking towards the stairs needing to do something with his annoyed energy, hoping by the time he got to the shop he’d be in a better mood.

**

By the time he got to Batons he was in an even worse mood.  The buses were running late and not only that but the people around him would just not shut the hell up about the fact.  At one point someone had said shut up and oh god the riot that almost happened made Bucky want to bang his head bloody against the sidewalk.  It took forever for the bus to come and even longer to get him to the stop he needed.  He called Clint letting him know he was late and he was so sorry for being late.

Clint had simply grunted it away before hanging up on him.

Bucky was hoping that was good grunt and he hadn’t just gotten fired before he could even start.

He ran to the store but stopped a few feet before the store to close his eyes and to take in some deep breaths to calm his anger down.  It wasn’t working and the noises around him were pissing him off even more but he knew he needed to make a good impression and going in pissed off was not going to work.

He tried for almost a minute to calm down but when he realized it wasn’t working he huffed out a sigh and viciously kicked at the air.  It made him look like an idiot by the looks of the people around him gave him told him anything but he felt slightly better after doing it so he didn’t care.

He took one deep breath before repeating in his head, “Fake it ‘til you make it,” because that was going to be the only way he was going to survive this.

He straightened up his shoulders and thrust out his chin hoping if he faked his confidence he’d soon feel it.  He walked to the shop ready to face his interview and pushed open to the door-

To have it forcefully pushed right back at him not fully hitting him straight in the face but enough to leave Bucky with a bruised cheek.

“Watch it buddy! The line starts here!”

Bucky grabbed his face and hissed out a low fuck as he watched the tall, blonde, hipster looking lady give him a glare before she turned around and walked away.  Bucky suppressed the urge to flip her off, but he didn’t stop himself from glaring at the guy who yelled at him as he entered through the door.

“I have an interview here, buddy, so let me through.”

The guy curled up his lip then dramatically bowed towards the front of the line, “Go ahead, _pal,_ but I don’t think you’ll be having an interview any time soon.”

Bucky ignored him as he pushed his way inside to realize the prick was right.  The line was huge and it looked like Clint was busy at the register waiting on impatient and loud customers while Deadpool was running around like a maniac.

Bucky took in a deep steadying breath thinking for a microsecond that he could just turn around and tell Clint later that he noticed the line and thought he’d only be a nuisance so he went back home.   He could come back at a better time.  Do the interview and be formally trained by Clint and Deadpool.

He breathed out a, “Fuck it,” before he pulled his hair in a tight but sloppy ponytail.  He marched up to the counter before he lifted up the partition between the counter and the outside world.

“HEY! NO ONE’S ALLOWED BACK HERE!”

Bucky held up his hands watching Clint’s face go from murderous to confused, “Yell or interview me later because you look like you need help now.”

Clint opened his mouth looking like he was going to tell Bucky to go to hell when Deadpool turned to Clint and signed, “We need help,” and then a sign that Bucky couldn’t tell if the way he mimicked shooting an arrow meant Clint’s nickname was Arrow or something else.  He quickly put it under “Things To be Asked Later,” and looked to Clint who looked to Deadpool to the customers then back to him before sighing and nodding.

“Fine.  Do you know how to use an espresso machine, Bucky?”

Bucky nodded then went straight to the sink to wash his hands.  “Yes, I worked as a busboy for a while and my friends taught me somethings on the DL.”  Bucky turned back quickly grabbing a paper towel before signing, “I don’t know how to do your special drinks.”

Clint nodded before signing, “Deadpool will help,” before turning back and doing the customer service dance of smiling and placating the angry mob of customers.

After that everything became a blur of steam, accidental burns, whip cream, and every coffee ingredient known to mankind.  Bucky fumbled at first and that’s where he got the majority of his burns from (mostly from the steamer) but soon all there was to think about was getting the next drink, the pastry, and the next clean up.  It was fast paced and for once Bucky wasn’t thinking of anything at all.  Not about Steve, not about his creepy neighbor, or that his sister had been texting him and he forgot to text her back.

When the last few customers were waiting for their respective orders Clint passed by Bucky to give Deadpool a hot pastry.  After Deadpool took the pastry Clint turned around to Bucky and clapped him on the back. 

Bucky raised an eyebrow at him as he finished up the drink in his hand then handed it to Deadpool. 

Clint smiled at him before saying, “I guess your interview and training went well?”

Bucky snorted as he added the extra shot of espresso to another coffee.  “Well, I’m hoping but the boss man hasn’t called me back yet.”

Clint sucked in a breath and put his hands over his heart like he was wounded.  “You wound me, good sir.”

Bucky just smirked at Clint before shaking the whipped cream bottle and topped off the drink.  “It happens.”

Clint shook his head and laughed while Deadpool popped into Bucky’s space squinting at the both of them suspiciously.

“A budding romance is afoot,” Deadpool said in a dramatic documentary voice, “The two males flirt over the gifts of the village before consummating their love.”

Clint gave Deadpool an unamused look as Bucky snorted and went over to give the customer her drink.

Bucky smiled and told the customer thank you for coming and watched her leave realizing slowly that his feet were killing him and that he was starving.

He turned around and caught the tail end of the Deadpool signing, “-in this universe you and him could be a couple!”

Bucky raised an eyebrow and watched as Clint replied with roll of the eyes, “You say that about everyone.  Remember Phil?”

Deadpool nodded so hard Bucky was surprised his head didn’t pop off.  “Yes, and in another universe you and him hooked up and had beautiful man babies!”

Bucky waved a hand and the two looked over at him.  “Who’s this Phil?”

Clint rolled his eyes and signed back, “A regular that Deadpool tries to torture, but Phil is too cool for school to react.”

And exaggerated frown crossed Deadpool’s face and he ran down his index finger down his face.  “You wound me,” and once again he made a sign as if he was releasing a bow and arrow.

Bucky turned towards Clint and asked out loud, “What does that stand for?”

Clint sighed before saying back, “Its Wade’s nickname for me.  Archery is kind of my thing, and he said that in another universe I was a superhero that took down dinosaurs and aliens with my mighty bow.”

Deadpool nodded his head and signed, “He is a superhero though!  He’s a superspy with a heart of gold!  But in one universe he’s married with children protecting his loved ones at all costs but the other one he has a dog and eats pizza!”

Bucky could do nothing but blink at Deadpool’s explanation.  “Why can’t he have all of those in one universe?”

Deadpool shrugged, “Because the writers of the universe don’t like putting all their eggs in one basket.  Except for one where they do and let me tell you that universe is just in tatters. We do not speak of it.”

Bucky nodded his head slowly not really knowing what to say.

Clint touched his arm and said, “Just so you know it means Hawkeye.”

Bucky tilted his head in confusion.  “Why use the bow and arrow sign though?”

Clint shrugged before signing, “Its Deadpool’s idea and I go with it.  It’s easier that way.”

Bucky nodded and looked back at Deadpool who was intensely staring at him.  “So, uh, what does my other universe selves do?”

Deadpool stared him down before shaking his head.  “I don’t know yet.  Just give it time.  The universe will speak to me when it’s ready.”

Bucky nodded again not really knowing what was happening.  He didn’t know what sort of crazy Deadpool was but he actually really liked it.  It was different than his kind of crazy but similar enough that Bucky knew they’d get along.

Clint looked to the side of Bucky before he nodded his head and said, “Wade, go up and see if there’s anyone up there.  If there is help them out otherwise come back down and help us clean.”

Deadpool nodded his head before saluting. 

Bucky turned back and grabbed the rag he had been using to clean up the messes he had made.  He looked at it wondering if he should get another rag when Clint suddenly took the one in his hands and gave him another one.

Bucky jumped and Clint laughed as he laid out the dirty towel on the sink behind them.

“Thank you by the way.”

Bucky just shook his head before walking past Clint to get to the bucket of soap and water he’d been using to clean with.  He dumped it out before adding soap and fresh water to it.

“Nah, I did what anyone would.”

Clint dipped his own clean towel in while he shook his head.  “No, you had the option of leaving when you saw the mess we were in.  Hell, if it were me I’d’ve high tailed it out of here, but you came in showed initiative despite not having the job and helped out.”  Clint rung out his towel as Bucky stopped the faucet.  “Thank you a million times for that.”

Bucky nodded feeling a little insecure that Clint hadn’t confirmed he had the job or not.  He knew that he wouldn’t completely regret helping out if he didn’t get the job but really the job would be a godsend at the moment.

“So,” Bucky hesitated for a second but he really did need to know, “Do I have it?”

Clint turned back around from where he had started cleaning the counter and gave him a shocked look.

“Of course! Otherwise I would have kicked you out by now and Wade wouldn’t have gone on about my multiple universe selves.”

The knot in his stomach disappeared leaving him feeling light and happy.  He let out a breath and smiled at Clint who was smiling back.  “Good cuz otherwise I was gonna sue you for time wasted.”

Clint scoffed and rolled his eyes.  Bucky smiled as he started to clean around the espresso machine feeling happier and lighter than he did this morning.

He paused and remembered his sister text this morning and hoped that she hadn’t tried to call or text him back.  He would be totally screwed if she had and he wasn’t ready to face her fury.

He shook his head trying to get that negative thought out of his head but he paused again as he remembered that Steve still wasn’t talking to him.  He didn’t even know if he would anytime soon. 

He shook his head and tried to forget the negative thoughts and tried to remind himself that he got himself a job and he survived the first day.

He couldn’t completely shake them off so he decided a bit of talking would help him out, “So, what’s with Deadpool and his own brand of multi-universe theory?”

Clint shrugged as he opened up the pastry display and started cleaning it.  “I have no idea.  He’s always going on about how each of us has another universe self and what they do.”

Bucky nodded as he stopped washing trying to understand.  “So, you don’t have a family in this universe?”

Clint scoffed and looked at Bucky as he opened and closed his mouth looking like he had something to say but somewhere it got lost in the process from brain to mouth.

“Okay, I do have a family but what he’s talking about is that I have a wife and 2.5 kids which I don’t have.”

Bucky nodded.  “So, you’re not a superhero?”

Clint threw back his head and laughed.  “I wish.  I can barely speak let alone save the world.” Clint looked around then leaned closer as if he was telling a secret, “One time this pretty lady came in and instead of saying I’ll be with you in a few secs I said I’ll be with you in a few sex.”

Bucky couldn’t help the snort of laughter at that.  “You didn’t.”

“No, I did but thankfully she was on her phone and didn’t notice my Freudian slip.”

Bucky snorted again and went to re-soak his rag when he stopped then asked, “So, you also don’t have a dog?”

Clint wagged his finger and shook his head.  “Now that’s where Wade gets confused because in this universe I definitely have a dog.”

Bucky nodded before he saw how empty the pastry display was and dropped his rag into the bucket.  “Where do you keep the pastries?  I can stock them up for you.”

They both looked towards the door as a customer came in talking on their phone.  Clint tossed his rag back into the bucket before saying quickly to Bucky, “I’ll show you later.  First I’ll get this guy then we’ll fill in some paper work ok?”

Bucky nodded once again feeling lighter and happier.  He stepped out of Clint’s way not really knowing what to do with himself but he was ready to face anything else this day would throw at him.


	13. Grilled Sandwich Anyone?

Bucky had just settled down with his dinner of grilled cheese and Kool-Aid when the show he was watching switched to the History Channel.  Bucky sighed as How It’s Made appeared on the screen.

“Are you punishing my TV choices now?”

When he was met with silence Bucky defeatedly sighed before eating his sandwiches.  He was half way through his second sandwich when Steve appeared next to him.  Bucky was waiting for him to appear so this time he didn’t jump.

“Are you still mad at me from yesterday?”

Bucky wanted to look straight at Steve but he didn’t know where they were in this weird relationship they created. 

He heard Steve sigh and he realized that he didn’t feel the couch move, despite how heavy Steve’s huge sigh was.  Another reminder that even though Steve was here he wasn’t really.

“Look, I’m a little hot-headed-“

“I didn’t notice.”

“-AND,” Steve noticeably ignored Bucky’s interruption, “I haven’t had an actual conversation with an actual living person in a while so I’m a little rusty on how to react when conversation topics get too personal for me.  So,” Bucky saw Steve’s thigh move to where they were facing him so he turned his head to see a very determine and earnest Steve, “I’m sorry for my overreaction.  I would say it won’t happen again but I know myself well enough to know I can’t make that promise.  I do promise to not make a scene like last time, though.”

Bucky watched as Steve stopped talking.  Steve was staring at him and Bucky was hoping he was the type of person that genuinely apologized and didn’t apologize just to make himself feel better.

After a moment Bucky nodded his head.  “Apology accepted.  I’d also like to apologize for accidently bringing up a bad memory of some sort and I vow not to mention dancing or anything of the sort in the future.”

Steve got the look like he wanted to argue and even started to say, “Well, dancing in general isn’t bad but-” But once he glanced at Bucky’s raised eyebrow he shut up and said instead, “Apology and vow accepted.”

The both stared at each other for a moment in complete seriousness until suddenly they both cracked and started crackling.   Bucky didn’t know what they were laughing at but whatever it was it felt so good to laugh.

“Oh my god,” Bucky sucked in a big breath trying to ease his hurting lungs, “How long did you practice that?!”

Steve was so red and laughing so hard he wasn’t even making any sound.   All he could do was shake his head with tears rolling down his cheeks as he clenched his stomach tightly.  Bucky feared for a moment he was going to fall off the couch but then he remembered Steve was in fact a ghost so even if he did fall it wasn’t like Steve was going to hurt himself.  That thought alone sent him into another fit of giggles that was contagious since Steve was set off again as well.

“W-were you always so good at apologizing?”

Steve shook his head and in between laughs said, “No.  If I was still alive I would have given you the cold shoulder.”  Steve took in a deep breath and blew it out before saying in a calmer voice, “I was even more dramatic when I was alive if you could imagine that.”

Bucky wiped his eyes and he couldn’t stop smiling even he wanted to.  “Oh, I pity the thought!”

Steve snorted as he wiped at his eyes.  “You laugh, but if you only knew the truth.”

Bucky couldn’t think of anything else to say as he watched Steve compose himself.  Bucky didn’t know why but being around Steve calmed him down like nothing since his mother’s death did.  He felt so much more at home and at ease sitting with Steve than the last month he had lived with Nat and Sam.  He didn’t know why someone that was already dead made him feel more alive than he had in a long time but he didn’t question it.  He just smiled at Steve who smiled back at him before going back and watching How It’s Made.

He was still a very curious person though and even though he knew that this might break this new peace surrounding him, Bucky just had to ask.  Bucky bit his lip gathering up his courage and sighed before Steve said blandly, “You don’t need to ask. I’ll tell you what my deal was yesterday just give me this episode then I’ll tell you.  I haven’t seen this episode all the way through.  So, just be patient okay?”

Bucky didn’t know what to say so he didn’t say anything.  He just nodded and ate the rest of his now cold grilled cheese.  When he was done he looked down at his plate trying to figure out if he was hungry enough for another sandwich.  He weighed his options when he looked at Steve as Steve made an appreciative sound at the TV. 

Before he could think better of it he asked Steve, “Want to share a grilled cheese?”

Steve seemed to freeze for a second before he slowly turned to Bucky.  He face was totally blank as he blinked a few times before he sucked in his bottom lip and looked like he was trying not to laugh before he said with a slight condescending tone, “I’m going to let you sit on that one.”  He turned back towards the TV looking like he was trying not to laugh.

Bucky didn’t understand what his problem was and was going to go into a long argument about how grilled cheeses were indeed the most amazing food on the planet and if Steve had a problem with that he should poof his ghost ass out of his apartment this second and-

And that’s when the obvious hit Bucky and he wanted to do slide down a big dark hole.

“I see you’ve realized your mistake.”

Bucky’s entire face felt like it was on fire and he didn’t want to look at Steve’s smug face but he couldn’t keep his mouth shut as he shot back, “You’re a dick.”

Steve softly snorted and asked, “And pray tell, what makes me dick? That I let you figure out the obvious that ghosts cannot share food because we have no real body to eat said food with or because I’m laughing at you right now?”

Bucky sucked in a breath then glared hard at Steve’s smug face and said, “Both.”  Which only succeeded in making Steve go into hysterics.

Bucky just rolled his eyes and if he could have he would have thrown a pillow at Steve but since he still hadn’t gotten around to buying any pillows he was just left with glaring at the TV with a huff.

“Oh, stop pouting!”  Bucky shivered as goosebumps prickled all the up his body as Steve patted his knee.  “It’s actually really flattering that you forgot that I was dead long enough to offer me some food.”  Bucky turned towards Steve and he felt his embarrassment bleed away at Steve’s bright and earnest smile.  “And why would you share food with me?  Don’t I annoy you enough without stealing your food as well?”

Before he could think better about it Bucky rolled his eyes and scoffed out a, “Oh please, all my friends are annoying.  You are no exception.”

Steve’s smile faltered for a second and Bucky felt his stomach drop.  Did he once again fuck up? 

Steve stared at Bucky before his smile was back on and he asked sarcastically, “So, we’re friends now?”

Bucky didn’t know why he suddenly felt shy but he shrugged and turned back to the TV.  He said with a calm he didn’t feel, “Of course we are.  Otherwise I would have taken up Sam’s offer and exorcised your ass by now.”

They sat in silence as the end of How It’s Made slowly approached. 

Bucky felt stupid for assuming they reached the point of friendship in this weird relationship he had been thrown into.   He thought that with how even though they fought sometimes that they actually we’re friends and not just co-habiting in their apartment.  He thought of all the times he had laughed so freely with Steve and how easy things with Steve were and he wondered if he just had a low set of standards for what counted as a friend or if Steve just wasn’t feeling what he was feeling.

The ending credits soon rolled on the screen and Bucky felt like it would be prudent to make an excuse and leave before he embarrassed himself even more but at Steve’s cough he stopped the excuse that’s at the tip of tongue.

“There was a woman.”  Steve seemed to falter for a moment as if he hadn’t thought this far ahead.

Bucky just raised an eyebrow at him and said in his best imitation of a bartender in the romance movies Sam (and Nat but she always fought that point) liked to watch, “There’s always a woman.”

That seemed to break Steve out of whatever mind fog he was in and he asked, “Are you quoting Castle?  I’m pretty sure you’re-”

At Bucky’s stare Steve shook his head with a slight blush blanketing his cheeks.  Bucky couldn’t help himself, he thought it was adorable how easily Steve blushed. 

“When I was alive there was this woman-”

 Bucky was going to make fun of Steve for not being able to finish a sentence when he saw Steve’s face.  He wasn’t looking at him but at the wall.  His eyes were far away as if remembering a distant memory (Well, Bucky thought, he was almost a hundred years old if what Steve told him was true.) but the wistful expression along with the soft smile on his face is what grabbed Bucky’s attention. 

“Her name-her name was Peggy and she was the most beautiful woman I have ever had the pleasure to meet.”  His smile couldn’t get any bigger.  “We didn’t get to see each other often since she was in the army,” Steve looked over at Bucky and shrugged, “Who knew secretaries could be so busy?”

 He stopped for a moment then chuckled.  “The first time I met her I was on a bus going to look for some work when I saw this one prick giving her hell and I was gonna give him a piece of my mind but they both exited at the same stop and I had two more to go.  I was gonna yell out the window at him but then I saw her clock him with the best right hook I’d ever seen.  After that I tried gathering up the courage to ask her out for a drink but I always chickened out.  I didn’t actually get to talk to her until I got into a fight that I couldn’t finish and she came from god knows where and saved my skin.  She called me an idiot and for some reason I couldn’t stop laughing because there she was standing there in this amazing blue dress and red hat looking like an avenging angel with a suitcase in hand that she had used to beat the guy’s head over with this deep disapproving scowl.  She actually smiled at after a while, I think she thought I was a bit stupid, and asked if I was okay.”

He leaned in close to Bucky that Bucky’s arm formed goosebumps at Steve’s natural coldness. “I wasn’t but I wasn’t going to tell her that.  She saw right through me though and brought me to this café where her friend worked and got me some ice for my face as she talked about how I needed to keep my feet apart and to put my body into my punches.  I was pretty much a goner from there.” 

Steve’s smile dimmed and he sighed out a sad sigh.  “It was going good, I mean as well as it could go since she was gone more than she was here, but it was V-Day and everyone was in such high spirits that at that moment I forgot why I was so scared and picked up the phone and called Peggy to see if she wanted to go dancing with me.  I caught her as she was leaving to-” He stopped and his brow furrowed as if he was trying to grasp something that was just out of his reach, “-I don’t remember where, but, oh god, I can still remember her laugh as she called me stupid because of my timing but she promised when she came back we would go.” 

And then as if he hadn’t been beaming this entire time the light went out of Steve’s eyes.  “I remember I told some people about us going out, and fucking Bernard Wright laughed at me.  He told me that he saw how I had two left feet and that she would ditch our date because her pity could not extend that far.”

Bucky sucked in a breath and couldn’t help the, “What a fucking dick,” that came out.

Steve shrugged.  “I decked him after that comment, but I can still remember it as if it happened yesterday.”

Bucky watched as Steve seemed to lose himself in his memories. 

Everything suddenly made sense on why Steve was so mad at the two feet comment now.  Bucky knew that it wasn’t his fault but knowing he brought up a memory that bad still made him feel a tad bit guilty. 

When Steve didn’t continue Bucky’s curiosity got the better of him again and he asked, “So, how did the date go?”

Steve was silent for a moment, his face shut off as he shrugged and said dully, “It didn’t.  I died before it happened.”

Bucky wanted to kick himself so hard after that.

They sat in silence Steve seeming to be in his own world while Bucky thinks of the many ways he’s a total moron. 

He wants to say, “I’m sorry,” but even in his head it sounds empty.  He wants to pat Steve on the hand but he’s hand would just go through him and would probably, no scratch that WOULD remind Steve that he’s dead.  Bucky also wants to scream but he’s pretty sure if he did Steve wouldn’t feel better and his nosy neighbor would call the police on him.

“Why, yes, officer I have a sad ghost in my apartment and screaming seemed like the best way to cheer him up.”   Yes, that would be the perfect way to end the night.

While Bucky was mentally screaming at himself, Steve turned to him and for some reason smiled.

“You know, I can hear your mental screaming from here.”

Bucky’s eyes widened and before he could stop himself he asked, “You can read minds?!”

Steve blinked at him before a small laugh escaped his lips.  Steve tried to stop himself but suddenly a cascade of laughter filled the air as he stared at a red-faced and embarrassed Bucky.

In a high pitched voice of laughter Steve laughed out a, “Nooooooooo,” before losing himself in his laughter.

Bucky doesn’t know if he should feel better that Steve was not sad anymore or annoyed that he was laughing at his expense.

He settled on relief and said, “You know, it may be a surprise to you but I’m not an expert on ghosts so you can cut me some slack here.”

Steve was now snorting (Bucky raised an eyebrow and categorized that as Well Wasn’t Expecting That) with laughter.   He looked so undignified, and just ridiculous, and Bucky couldn’t find it in himself to look away.

“I-I’m a ghost. N-not a mind-reader.”  Steve slowly stopped laughing. 

Bucky couldn’t help but stare at his heaving chest wondering what Steve did as a living when he was alive to give him such an incredible body

“I have it on good authority that in another alternative universe that you are in fact a mind-reader.”

Steve wiped his eyes but asked skeptically, “Oh, really? Then what are you?  Wait let me guess.”  Steve closed his eyes then brought up two fingers to his temple, “You are a. . .um,” his eyes fly open and he snaps his fingers, “I got it!  You control metal! With your mind!”  He brought up his hands and wiggled them at him before making ooooohing noises at him.

Bucky rolled his eyes and even though he knew it would just go right through him he grabbed a wad of paper that was on the floor by his feet and threw it at Steve. 

“You should stop doing that or people will think you’re a ghost or something.”

Steve looked unimpressed but all Bucky can do is smile.

Despite everything, Bucky considered him lucky as Steve went into full “No, listen, you’re multi-universe self would totally-” mode.  Bucky couldn’t help but feel like he had finally come home


	14. Answer at the End of the Beep

“What do you mean you found a new job?”

Steve raised an eyebrow as Bucky threw up his free hand. 

“I don’t know how to make this any clearer, sis, but I went out, talked to some people, filled in an application, and they hired me.  I know, you’re a stay at home mom now but come on.  You should know how the hiring process goes.”

His sister clicked her tongue at him and he sighed waiting for her rant.  “What did I tell you about pushing yourself too hard?  What you need is to be home, with me, you know, your family.  Not by yourself all alone in that sad apartment of yours.”

Bucky felt himself bristle at that.  “My apartment isn’t sad.  Yeah, it’s just me here but it’s not like I feel lonely.”

His sister clicked her tongue again and Bucky really wished he could just tear it out of her mouth.  “Right, like someone like you could stay in an apartment all by yourself and not be driven up the wall in loneliness.”

“What’s that even supposed to mean?”

He could physically hear her eye roll.  “It means, despite your tendency to want to hide from the world when you, GASP, have feelings, you’re actually a social butterfly that thrives on having company around.  So, I’m sorry that I don’t believe you when you say you’re fine.  At least when you lived with Natasha and Sam you had people you knew that had your back.  At least then I knew you were okay.  Now you don’t answer my messages back until hours later, you still haven’t come around like you said you would, and-”

Bucky knew what was coming and tried to stop it with a, “NO, don’t you-”

“-AND Nadia is heartbroken her Uncle Bucky hasn’t been around.  There were tears Bucky.”

Bucky rubbed his hand down his face really hating how his sister knew exactly how to guilt trip him.  He sighed then said with no real bite, “You’re exaggerating again.”

His sister didn’t come back with a snappy reply only with a tone that Bucky knew that she knew she had won this fight.  “Okay, maybe I was exaggerating just a tiny bit.  But come on, James,” oh God no, Bucky thought, she was bringing out the big guns, “Mom would have wanted us to still be close and visit each other as much as we possibly could. Right?”

Bucky went over to his wall and softly thumped his head against it softly before sighing in defeat.  “When do you want me over?”

The sound of his sister’s perked up voice aggravated Bucky more than it should have.  “I’m making spaghetti and meatballs tonight.  Be here before six since that’s usually when I get them done.”

Bucky sighed and said, “I wouldn’t miss it sis.”

His sister laughed, “Good.  Now I have to go.  I’ll talk to later.”

Bucky nodded knowing she couldn’t see it and said, “Love you, bye.”  Before he took the phone away from his ear he softly heard his sister softly say I love you back before he hung up the phone.

He sighed before he started to hit his head slightly harder than he had when he was talking to his sister.  

After the fifth hit Steve asked, “So, I’m taking you couldn’t get out of dinner with you sister?”

Bucky sighed and stopped hitting his head.  He turned around then walked back to his living room before throwing himself right beside Steve on his couch.

“Yep.”

When Bucky didn’t add anything else Steve simply nodded then went back to watching the food channel. 

Bucky threw back his head and stared at the ceiling asking the universe why he had been settled with his sister.  Why couldn’t he have been born a single child and not have to deal with her?

He wanted to groan as he remembered she’s his older sister and if she hadn’t been born neither would he.  Even logic hated him.

He slightly jumped when Steve asked after a moment of silence, “Do you two not get along? I mean, it looked like you two did when she dropped off Nadia last time.”

Bucky blew out a breath, watching as a few strands of hair lifted off his face because of it.  “We’re on good terms, and I love my sister, don’t get me wrong it’s just-” He sighed heavily, “I just don’t get her is all.”

Steve turned to him and stared at him for a moment as if he was debating something when he asked, “How do you mean?”

Bucky didn’t know what to say to that.  He sucked in a breath before letting it out in one big puff.  “It’s just I don’t-”

He sighed again trying to get his thoughts in order.  “It’s just that she used to be this very independent person that never followed the rules.  Like,” Bucky had to turn to look at Steve, “when we were younger she would literally just sneak out of the house and would not come back for days until she suddenly felt like coming back home.”

At Steve’s nod Bucky went on.  “And like my mom would be so furious with her and she would try to keep her home and punish her but my sister, holy crap, you just didn’t mess with her and her freedom okay?”

“And there was me.  The good kid, the one who always listened, and did what he was supposed to.  Like, it wasn’t like I wanted to be my sister, actually it was the total opposite I didn’t want anything to do with her.   My mom actually showed me how to do stuff that she wanted to pass on to my sister but my sister was literally never there for her to teach her.  I was the one that she told all our family stories and traditions and I loved it.  I saw how it affected my mom to be denied that and how she worried and I just always resented how callous and careless my sister was.”

“But then my-” Bucky has to pause because suddenly he realized that if he opened that can of worms to Steve then he would be revealing things he hadn’t even revealed to Nat and Sam.  He side stepped his blunder and just kept talking like it never happened, “But then my mom really needed her and I guess she realized that she needed to be there for her not just me and so she slowly started turning around her life and stuff.  She’s still pig-headed as ever but ever since meeting her husband and now Nadia she’s definitely calmed down.”

Bucky finally turned away from Steve and shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I just can’t forget all the shit she’s pulled, y’know?  And yeah, we get along better than we did when we were growing up and she means well it’s just-” He didn’t know how to word how he exactly felt about his sister but he still tried, “I still have this underlying resentment, y’know?  But most of the time I can ignore it because she’s my sister right?  Family is everything or so my mom used to say and I should just get over it.  But sometimes, even though she’s just doing her best to look out for me, that resentment just comes surging right back at me and I can’t stop it.”

Steve doesn’t say anything.

Bucky suddenly felt vulnerable in a way he hadn’t been in a while.  

Nat and Sam had both met and mingled with his sister so he knew that they understood where he was coming from even if they didn’t have siblings to deal with. 

But Steve-

He knew almost nothing about Steve and now he just spilt his feelings about his sibling.   Bucky didn’t even know if Steve had siblings when he was alive let alone if he was just like his sister and in that case he probably offended Steve.  Or he didn’t have any siblings and he was now judging him over how whiny he was.

He just wanted Steve to say something but he didn’t know how to break the silence that suddenly cropped up around them.

After a moment, Steve said, “Well then, your sister sounds like a character.”

Bucky could feel the relief like a weight come off him.  Steve didn’t sound judgy he just sounded like he was commenting on the weather.  Bucky was totally ok with that.

“Yeah, you have no idea.”  Once again Bucky’s mouth ran ahead of him and he asked, “So, did you have any siblings?”

Bucky was expecting some other reaction other than the indifferent shrug Steve gave him as his focus went back to the TV.

“No.”  For a moment Bucky thought that was the end of that answer when Steve softly snorted then smiled.  “My ma used to call me her miracle baby, because she had tried so many times before and she would lose them before they were ready.”  He laughed as if remembering a happy memory, “She told me that I had come early too and that the doctors had all but told her I wasn’t going to make it but she told them she was damned if she spent so much time having me inside her not to take care of me.”  He smiled wide.  “She told me that she knew I was gonna make it because I had the same stubbornness that she and my dad had.  That even as this small wee thing that she knew I was fighter and that death wasn’t coming for me just yet.  That I was important enough to God that he helped me live longer than anyone expected.”

He shrugged.  “I don’t know about the God part but I know that until the day I died I was determined to show everyone that I wasn’t just there.  That I was more than what God had given me.”

Suddenly Steve stopped as if he was coming back to himself.   He looked at Bucky before shrugging and laughing with an awkward smile and said, “But that was a million years ago.  So much time has passed I’m just talking out of my ass now.” He waved his hands as if to dismiss the entirety of what he said and turned back to the TV and ah’d before saying, “Look! Triple D is on!”

Bucky really wanted to ask what the hell Steve meant by “more than what God had given me”. He didn’t know what Steve was talking about because from where he was sitting he saw what God had given Steve and Steve was blessed.  He was so handsome that Bucky had trouble understanding how Steve didn’t just go after Peggy.  With Steve’s looks he would’ve been so cocky and arrogant that asking out a girl shouldn’t have been a problem.  And his body?  His thick arms, his broad shoulders that tapered down to a small waist that Bucky would kill to put his hands on, and those stupid long lashes?  How could anyone see Steve and think him wanting?

People back in the day had to be stupid, was all Bucky say to that.

For once Bucky’s curiosity didn’t get the better of him and he let it go.  After opening up to Steve and feeling vulnerable he didn’t want to make Steve feel regret over sharing something so obviously happy. 

So, he sat there dreading his visit to his sister but feeling so comfortable in their silence he got lost in the world of diners, drive-ins, and dives.


	15. Running Outta Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I've started a new job so I'm not sure if I'll be able to post another chapter next week. I'll try my hardest to, but if it doesn't happen just know that's the reason and not because I'm abandoning you guys! 
> 
> Also, thank you to everyone who has kudo'd, bookmarked, and especially left comments! They mean the world to me!

He was cutting it close and he knew it.

Bucky quickly put on his shoes not caring that they were untied.  He put on a plain black shirt then as quick as he could he swiveled around some mouthwash before spitting it out in the sink.  He put his hands in his pockets and cursed when his phone wasn’t there.

He came out of the bathroom and looked in the living room but didn’t see his phone.  He rolled his eyes and huffed out an irritated breath before going into his bedroom.  Once again he did not find his phone.

Bucky tried taking deep breaths to help calm him down but he could feel his heart beat faster. The truth was that he was running late to his official first day of work and he could not for the life of him find his phone.

He checked the cushions, then he completely messed up his bed in the vain hope that he somehow lost it in his sheets. 

His panic was slowly but surely rising.  Bucky softly hit his head with the heel of his hand and started a panicked mantra of “Where is it? _Where_ is it?  Where IS it? WHERE IS IT?” 

He looked around and said, “Steve if you know where my phone is and you’re invisible and not telling me cuz you want to see me suffer please don’t.  I’m late. I’m probably-“

Bucky perked up when he heard his phone chime at a text message and ran into his kitchen.  He looked around and couldn’t find it swearing on his mother’s life he had heard it when it chimed again.

Bucky paused in incredulity and whispered, “Don’t you fucking tell me-” As he opened his fridge and right near the orange juice was his phone.

Bucky could not have rolled his eyes any harder at himself as he quickly grabbed it.

When he saw that it was his sister texting him once again apologizing for making him late he snorted then shoved the phone into his back pocket.  He went over and grabbed his keys ready to finally be leaving when he paused at the door with his hand on the knob.

He cursed and went back to his room to where he knew he had some scrap paper and found himself a pen on the floor right by his bed.  He wrote a quick to Steve before he went back to the living room, put the note on his island and finally left his apartment.

Bucky was so focused on locking his door he didn’t hear the door open or the soft gasp but he jumped when he turned and once again there was his nosy neighbor.

He grabbed his heart and said, “We have to stop meeting like this,” before he walked past her as she gawked at him.

If he weren’t in such a hurry he would’ve been felt curious and a bit mortified at her gawking but as it was he totally forgot about her as he ran to the bus stop and only just got there in time to board it.

Bucky kept staring at his phone at the time begging it to slow down. 

Another text from his sister arrived with her once again apologizing.  Bucky didn’t have time for her apologies nor the time for this old lady that would not just let him pass as she continued to block his path to talk to her friend.  Normally he would have just politely told her to please excuse him but he just took her by the shoulders and lifted her out of the way.

Bucky’s sure if she weren’t surprised by her just been lifted out of the way she would have hit him but as it were he practically ran out the bus, almost falling as he almost missed the last step, and tripping over his still not tied shoes, then ran the entire way to Baton’s.

He looked at his clock and he had just one minute before he was officially late.  The panic he felt earlier was coming back and even though logically he knew he was okay and Clint would probably not be that upset at him for being a minute late his brain didn’t stop with the awful images of Clint yelling at him then firing him as Deadpool laughed at him and told him his other multi-verse self actually was competent enough to keep his job.

His lungs were on fire and his could feel a cramp forming on his side but he stopped right outside the store.  He tied his shoes and tried to breathe so he wouldn’t look like he had just ran for his life.  He looked at his phone and decided if he looked a bit winded it wouldn’t matter since he would be on time.

He took one big gulp of air before going and walking into Batons.

Deadpool was nowhere to be seen but Clint was silently cleaning the counters.  As Bucky entered he looked up and gave him a confused look.

Bucky just waved and said, “Sorry I’m late,” as he opened the partition.

Clint stared at him for a second then said, “You’re not late.”

Bucky paused as he put on an apron.  “Uh, according to my phone I am.”

Clint stared at Bucky for a good moment before he looked away towards the door.  Bucky did the same and saw the big clock that was above the doors said he was ten minutes early.

Bucky turned to a pissed off looking Clint who sighed and was patting his pockets. “Uh, my phone says it’s,” Bucky grabbed his phone, “Nine oh three.”

After checking what looked like a billion pockets Clint got out his phone and stared at it before he cursed softly.  Bucky didn’t quite catch it but it sounded suspiciously like Clint said the name Peter.

Clint sighed again before putting his phone back into one of his numerous pockets and said, “Well, I was gonna commend you on your earliness but-” he paused and looked like a thought just popped up into his brain and he shrugged, “-And I won’t but thanks for at least trying to be here on time instead of cheating.”

Bucky wanted to ask what he meant but Clint suddenly seemed very interested in his face all of a sudden.

“Is there something-”

They both jumped as the entrance door was slammed opened.  Bucky watched as Clint’s face went from mildly concerned to full on alarmed as a slight woman with brunette hair and a grumpy looking dog being dragged behind her.  She gave Clint a full on glare as she pulled at the dog only just making it move an inch.

“Barton.”  The way she said Clint’s name promised of pain and suffering long overdue. 

Bucky looked between the two of them wondering if he should duck for cover when Clint coughed.

He looked sheepish as he said, “Hi, Kate. How-”

“Are you seriously going to ask how I’m doing?”  She dropped the leash she was holding and thrust out her hands to the dog that was now heading over to Clint.  It sat in front of the counter before going on its hind legs and put its paws on the counter.  It looked pathetic as it gave Clint the worst case of puppy dog eyes Bucky had ever seen. 

Bucky could practically see Clint crumble at the look.

“No.  No, Barton you will not, I repeat, _you will not_ give into this demon dogs demands just because Lucky gives you that look.”

The entrance opened up again and the man that had been rude to Bucky on his unofficial first day of work walked in.  He looked like he was ready to bark out his order until he saw Kate and just stood there like he had just got caught by his mother doing something naughty. 

Bucky was impressed and put a mental note to never mess with this woman.

She turned back to see the man and scoffed before turning to him and said, “Well, aren’t you gonna help this man?”

Bucky just nodded just glad that he finally had something to do.  The hostility that was still in the air was stifling and he just wanted to have a good day.

She nodded back before going over to the dog and grabbed the leash.  Once again the dog would not budge from its spot until Kate physically moved the dog out of the way with a glare at Clint, who sighed like a man about to be ripped to pieces as he put away his cleaning supplies.

They went off to the further corner of the store and started talking, well Kate was teetering on the edge of talking and yelling while Clint listened as the dog lied down uninterested at Clint’s feet.

The guy came up to the counter almost cautiously said his order without the massive amount of condescending tones that people like him usually have when giving an order.

Bucky didn’t say anything but gave his best customer service smile as he got the man’s order down then proceeded to make it. 

Bucky wondered what had happened that the guy was clearly frightened of Kate.  He wanted to ask the guy but as he looked up to see Kate wildly gesturing at the dog he decided that he had some idea what happened. 

He got the man’s order and gave it to him.  He actually was shocked when the man leaned into him and whispered, “Watch out for that one.  She’ll eat you alive if you’re not watching.”

Bucky didn’t know how to respond other than to smile awkwardly and nod his head.

The guy stared at him for longer than was necessary making Bucky feel even more awkward before he nodded and left the store.

Bucky took in a shuttering breath, letting it stay in his lungs for three seconds, then let it out slowly.

His day was getting weirder, and weirder, and he didn’t know how to stop it.

He looked over to where Clint was talking to Kate and he was surprised to see Clint give the dog commands in sign language that the dog obeyed instantly.

Bucky wondered who Kate was going to kill first by her expression, Clint or the dog. 

She caught his eye and for a second Bucky was going to look away but her gaze held his attention in place.   She seemed to assess him before turning to Clint.  She said something too low for Bucky to hear but Clint stopped giving his dog commands and looked over at Bucky.

Bucky finally looked away with his cheeks feeling warmer than they had just a second ago.  The pastry display wasn’t full nor was it empty but Bucky suddenly felt like he needed something to do with hands.  He went into the back and if it took longer than it was necessary to get the pastries Bucky decidedly ignored that fact.

His whole attention was on refilling the display so when he turned around and saw that Kate was staring at him idly he couldn’t help but jump in surprise.

He silently cursed at himself and vowed he’d stop being so jumpy.  He was lying to himself he knew but, he figured, one should set goals for oneself.

Kate twirled around a straw in her hand looking as bored as anyone had the right to be.  She stopped twirling the straw and straightened up as she started with, “So, who are you-” while Bucky went with, “How can I help-”

They both stopped talking.  Once again they tried talking but spoke at the same time.  Bucky was just grateful that she looked just as awkward as he felt when she waved a hand at Bucky.

“You first.”

Bucky shrugged and said, “I was just going to ask what you would like?”

Kate nodded before she started to twirl the straw in her hand.  “Nothing right now, thanks, but you can tell me who you are?”

Bucky raised an eyebrow and looked to where he had last seen Clint to find him not there.  “Uh, didn’t Clint already tell you and where is he?”

Kate shrugged as she ripped opened the straw then proceeded to chew on it. “He went upstairs to put Lucky away.”

Bucky couldn’t help his confused look as he asked, “He’s just gonna leave a dog up there with the records?”

Kate looked at him like he was slow for a second before she bit her lip as the corners of her lips turned upward.  “I’m guessing Clint didn’t tell you he also lives up there?”

Bucky blinked for a moment processing that information before ahhing out loud and nodding his head.  “Good guess.”

Her smile seemed to grow as she hummed approvingly at him.  “It’s a pain for his brother to come around but since the two of them are being absolute idiots right now I think that’s to Clint’s advantage.”

Bucky wanted to ask what she meant by that when suddenly she was leaning in for more closer in his space than she was as a second ago.

“So, since we got past that are you gonna tell me who you are stud?”

Of all the ways Bucky had been hit on this one amused him the most since all he could think about was Grease. 

“Well, it might be too much for you to handle Sandy.”

Instead of going along with him Kate blinked at him in confusion before asking, “What?”

Feeling the mood successfully ruined Bucky sighed then held out his hand as he said, “Bucky Barnes.  Grease reference extraordinaire.”

Kate just stared at him blankly.

Bucky waved his hands and said, “You know, “Tell me about it, stud.”  From Grease?  Said by Sandra Dee?”

Kate still looked at him as if what Bucky was saying was pure gibberish.  Bucky was going to change the subject when suddenly Kate made an oh sound and said, “Right! Grease!”  She snapped her fingers like she had just gotten something particularly hard when she chewed on her straw hard for a few moments before saying, “You’re weird.”

Bucky didn’t know if he should defend himself or not but she thrust out her hand.  “I like it.  Name’s Kate Bishop.  I’m sometimes dog-sitter for Clint and overall common sense for him.”

Bucky took her hand and nodded his head.  “Bucky Barnes, new employee of Clint’s.  Nice to have met you.”

She nodded her head as well then took her hand away from his.

 “So, not to be a creep but I thought you were supposed to be all grunge rocker and totally not David Beckham levels of good looking.”

Bucky felt his face warm unpleasantly.  He was used to people complimenting his good looks but she said it with air of someone just asking for the time. He didn’t know how to take the compliment.

He jumped when Clint came out of nowhere to stand by Kate and said, “Stop embarrassing my employees, you wench.”

Kate gasped dramatically then stepped backwards then gave a very impressive bow.  “Oh, I’m so sorry my lord.  I shan’t embarrass your poor servants anymore.”

Clint rolled his eyes and signed, “Idiot,” before saying, “Stop that.  Just because I’m watching historical dramas doesn’t mean you get to make fun of me like that.” He went to the opened partition and as he closed it he looked over at Bucky and said, “Ignore her.”

Kate straightened out of her bow then once again leaned against the counter before she stuck out her tongue at Clint, who stuck his out in retaliation.  She rolled her eyes before she started to bite on her straw again.

Bucky kept his amusement to himself.  

The door chimed and a group of what Bucky could tell were college kids came in. 

Kate looked behind her and quickly left to sit at one of the tables.

Clint took the orders and got the pastries ready as Bucky did the drinks.  Bucky didn’t mind working as a barista since making drinks was sort of soothing to him.  Once he got started everything seemed to fade away until all that was left was him and a thousand other ingredients but at least he had control over how he used those ingredients.  Totally opposite of how he felt normally.

Soon a slow but steady flow of customers came in.  Clint and Bucky don’t speak to each other than to sign to each other questions and answers about how to make a certain drink.

After a while the customers stop coming in.  Bucky started cleaning up the counter when he saw Kate coming over.  He smiled and she smiled back as she took back her position of leaning on the counter. 

“Just so you know,” Kate’s head tilts to the side in question, “to answer your question and why I don’t look like a homeless person anymore is because my sister basically forced me into getting a haircut.”

She gave him a confused look before asking, “And how did she force you to get a haircut?  Did she ambush you then take you to a hairdresser where they tied you up then she held your head as the hairdresser cut your hair?”

Bucky blinked at her question. “Uh,” he rubbed at the head feeling the short hairs on the back of his neck, “Not exactly.”

Kate stared at him and he stared back at her not really knowing what to say.  She rolled her eyes then made a rolling motion her hands and said, “Okay, go on.  Explain.”

Bucky just shrugged awkwardly and said, “Well, yesterday I went over for dinner to her place and everything was going as it usually does when my niece- Who by the way is the cutest three year old in the entire world- wanted to play with her toys.  So, there I was playing with her when she asked if she could play with my hair.”  He shrugged again.  “I said yeah it was okay.  So, I’m just sitting there letting her play with my hair when I feel it.  The gooey, gummy, sticky feeling of gum in my hair.”

Kate’s eye widen and she asked, “She didn’t?”

He shrugged again.  “Yeah, she did.  I guess my sister gave my niece some gum while we were playing and I have no clue why she thought it was a good idea to put it in my hair but she did.”

Kate winced then asked, “Did you get mad?”

Buck shook his head then started to clean the counter again.  “No.  She’s a kid being a kid and accidents happen.”  He paused for a second.  “Poor thing though started crying her heart out when her dad started scolding her for what she did.  I made everything right with kisses and hugs,” he snorted as Kate ahh’d, “But yeah, we tried to get it out with peanut butter since my sister heard from internet somewhere that THAT works but I just felt stupid.  So, I let my sister cut the chunk of gum and peanut butter out.  I stayed the night, because my sister and niece insisted.  My sister took me to one of her friends who’s a barber but it took longer than expected because her friend insisted that they give me a shave and there was an accident on the way back to my apartment.  I was almost late today.”  He paused then before he could think better of it he said, “Also I think my sister may have planned it just so she could have an excuse to cut my hair.”

Kate looked almost alarmed.  “Would she really do that?  Give her kid some gum to put in your hair just so she could get you to cut it?”

Bucky actually thought about it for a moment before shaking his head.  “I guess not, but you never know.”

Kate made a disapproving noise before yelling, “Clint why did I always find the people with weird sibling issues?”

Clint appeared beside him and shrugged.  “I guess you just have a sixth sense about these things.”

Kate just grunted and flipped some hair out of her face.  “Convenient.  You get super archery powers and I get super weird sibling relationship powers.”

Bucky snorted as Clint put up a finger then signed.  “Only in this universe though.”

Kate laughed back then signed, “Yeah, because in the other I’m not only the greatest archer ever but I’m the better Hawkeye.”

The two of them laugh as Clint signs back, “Don’t we already live in that universe?”

Bucky couldn’t help it he asked out loud, “You guys have the same name?  Doesn’t make things hard sometimes?”

Both Kate and Clint shrug. 

“Deadpool is the one who gives us our nicknames,” Kate said.

“We don’t question it,” Clint signed back.

Bucky just nodded then turned away to find something productive to do as they started talking about something about archery.

Bucky had just come back from mopping when he heard Kate’s laugh.  It wasn’t the best sounding laugh he had ever heard, it was too loud and just a tad too cackly for that, but the way she threw herself into her laugh like she couldn’t contain how amused she was made Bucky smile despite himself. 

As he opened the partition he caught her eye and he couldn’t help but say, “You know you have a nice laugh?”

Kate seemed surprised by that as she turned a lovely shade of pink then looked around her as if looking to see who he was really talking to.

He couldn’t help but smile at her confusion as he turned to close the partition.  When he turned around Kate awkwardly smiled at him as she rubbed the back of her neck.

“Er, thanks.”

Bucky didn’t know why she was so awkward about his compliment but he didn’t comment on it any further. 

Clint, though, “Why are you so bashful all of a sudden?”

Kate’s blush turned from a pink to a deeper embarrassed red.  “Shut up Clint.  It’s not every day that a major hottie,” she flayed her arm in his direction, “Compliments me on my laugh.”

Bucky snorts and smiles at Kate who’s giving him a ‘am I wrong’ look.  “Well, it doesn’t happen often that I get hit on by someone as beautiful as you.”

The smile on his face as her face turns super red cannot get any bigger.

“Alright, alright stop with the flirting you two.”  Clint points a finger at both of them.  “I’m not kidding.  No, fraternizing between my employees.”

Kate glared at him and tried to hit him but only achieved swatting at the air near him.  “Shut up.  I’m not your employee.”

“Uh, then why do I pay you?”

“Because you know I wouldn’t dog sit for you otherwise?”

“Ha!  See?  So, you are my employee!”

Kate just rolled her eyes and turned to Bucky and said, “Ignore him.  He’s a moron.”

Bucky laughed as Clint scoffed.  “Uh, excuse you but I’m the idiot that pays you.”

Kate didn’t blink as she repeated, “Ignore him.”

Bucky laughed so hard as Clint and Kate got into an argument over who really was the boss.


	16. I'm Back!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK! I'm still getting used to my new job so depending on how busy my week has been I might not be able to update that week. BUT! I'm going to try my damnedest to get out a chapter each week! Thank you for your patience guys!
> 
> P.S. Watch Deadpool. It is legit the best.

Bucky sighed as he entered his apartment.  His feet were killing him and he was hungry for some food other than sugary pastries.  He threw his keys onto the island then went to the lamp on the border between his kitchen and living room.  With a click he quickly covered his eyes over the brightness that filled his living room.

He blinked to get rid of the spots in his eyes.  When he could see properly he looked around the room and sighed in disappointment when he didn’t see Steve. 

He blew out a breath and felt surprised when he didn’t feel his hair go up.  He rolled his eyes and reminded himself that he did get his hair cut and that it was all his sister’s fault.

Talking about sister.

He grabbed his phone and saw that she had left three messages in the span of him getting off the bus and entering his apartment. 

Bucky was just glad that she showed some restraint.

As he reassured his sister that he was in fact okay and yes he did lock his door (he didn’t but he didn’t need to tell her that) he heard a knock on his door. 

Bucky stopped typing and stared at the door wondering who the hell would be knocking at this time of night.  He thought if he ignored it than it was probably for the neighbor or he was just hearing things.  When there was another set of knocks he breathed out a sigh.

He finished off his messages then as he walked by the island he put his phone down on it.  He walked towards the door and slowly opened it wary on who could be on the other side.

Bucky could not contain the eye roll when he saw it was his neighbor, sans her usual hat and bright make up, that always managed to make him jump.

“Yes?”

Usually he would be nicer but he wasn’t up for her crypticness at all and just wanted her to leave as soon as possible.

Oddly enough though she breathed out a sigh of relief and smiled wide before completely disappearing from his line of sight.

Bucky blinked then slowly closed his door wondering how he got stuck with this neighbor of all neighbors.

He barely walked a few steps when his door is being knocked on again.  Bucky was now getting real fed up with his neighbor and he was planning on doing so as he opened his door.

Instead she barreled into his apartment and said, “We really need to talk. OH!  And what’s your number by the way?  It would make my whole life so much easier if you would give me that.”

Bucky could feel his blood start to boil as she nonchalantly flung herself onto his couch as if this was her home and took out her phone not even looking at him as she kept talking.  He walked over to her and loomed over her until she slowly stopped talking about her friend’s puppy.  Her eyes went wide as he put an arm on either side of her trapping her to his couch.

In a quiet voice he said evenly, “You should leave right now before I get mad.”

Instead of leaving, she smiled making a tick start in Bucky’s jaw. 

“I have a friend who says the exact same thing.  I mean, with him you really don’t want him angry, but with you I think I can push my luck a little bit more before I really need to tone it down.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes and he asked, “And what makes you say that?”

Darcy shrugged then said, “Steve.”

Bucky didn’t move for a second as he stared at Darcy wondering how much she knew about Steve and what the hell could she possibly want to talk to him about Steve for.

“I’m listening.”

She nodded her head before looking at the space, or the lack thereof, between them and asked, “Uh, would you mind if you could back up?  Not that I’m against having a hot man trapping me in a corner like this under the right circumstance but this definitely isn’t that.”

Bucky stared down at her for a couple of seconds longer trying to assert some sort of dominance over this ridiculous and unpredictable woman but all Darcy did was smile wider at him as if she knew what he was doing.

She probably did and was a psychic.  That would explain a lot, Bucky thought.

Bucky slowly straightened up and walked over towards his island but he never took his eyes off of Darcy. 

“So, what about Steve do you want to talk about?”

Darcy smiled then said, “Well, first things first, we need to figure out a system between you and me for when you unexpectedly don’t come back here for the night.  Second, we need to talk about feelings.  Well, more specifically yours because god knows I know too much of Steve’s already.  And lastly, we need to talk about your friends that were here the other night.”

Bucky was at least sort of expecting the first two, but the last one-

“What do you want to know about my friends?”

Darcy opened her mouth looking ready to go into it but she stopped.  She closed her mouth then closed her eyes before she heavily breathed through her nose.  She clasped her hands like she was praying then put them under her chin before she opened her eyes.

“That is for after this discussion.”

When she didn’t keep going Bucky looked at her in confusion and asked, “Okay?”

“Okay, yesterday when you left Steve came over to chat-”

“Steve chats with you?”  Bucky didn’t expect this question to come out so harsh.  He took in a breath and then repeatedly himself more calmly. 

Darcy just gives him a knowing look.

Bucky didn’t want to recognize the burning feeling of jealousy he felt but he did.   It wasn’t like Steve wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone else but him.  But, and this is where all his feelings get mushed up, the way Steve talks it made it seem like Bucky was the _only_ person he talks to.

Bucky, he guesses, just thought he was special for a moment.

“No.”  The way she nonchalantly said it took Bucky by surprise.  “Look, I’m not a medium or like that one kid who sees dead people in that one movie but I’m really sensitive to the energy around me.  I noticed after a day or two after I moved in here that I got the sense that I wasn’t alone.  So, I looked up any deaths or odd occurrences and found out that a guy named Steve died in this apartment during World War II and after talking to some people who said there was a ghost sighting here before and I don’t know I just liked to call him Steve but then you came along and suddenly I mention him and you knew!  And you didn’t leave like the others!  Like?”

She paused and threw out her hands as if expecting Bucky to get what she meant.  Bucky did, at least he thought he did, but he wasn’t in the mood for any of this.

“Okay, so if he doesn’t talk to you why are you in my apartment right now?”

“Because,” Darcy emphasized dramatically, “When he came into my apartment yesterday his energy was way off!  Well, I mean it started off as normal but the longer you were gone it became more erratic and almost worried?  I guess?  I don’t know but I after two hours of his worrying I couldn’t handle it anymore and I told him Steve Bucky is okay stop worrying and you know what?”

Bucky didn’t know what but he wasn’t going to guess.

“He, after five years of me living here and never actually seeing him, fracking appears!  Right before my eyes and I’m losing my shit okay?  I’ve never seen a ghost before-”

“I’m actually surprised.”  At this point Bucky didn’t know if he could respond with anything but sarcasm.

“Yep, most people are.  BUT he looked at me and I looked at him and suddenly we’re talking about everything and of course his everything seems to evolve a lot of you in it and,” Darcy takes in a deep breath, “I just want to tell you that I really love Steve now that I know him personally and not just as a maybe or maybe not ghost presence that comes and goes and I just want to make his ghost life easier.  So, next time you have to stay somewhere that’s not your apartment you can text me and I can tell Steve who doesn’t have to worry all night that you’re dead and lying in a street somewhere.”

Bucky blinked.  “Did he actually say that?”

Darcy shook her head.  “No, but I can tell that’s the gist of what his feelings were.  So, let’s exchange numbers?”

Bucky felt weird that he was agreeing with her idea but he grabbed his phone from the island then went over to Darcy.  They took a minute to exchange information but after that Bucky was left with himself sitting next to Darcy.  He didn’t know what to do so he did the one thing he was good at: talking.

“So, what about his feelings?”

Darcy perked up at the question then seemed to deflate at the same rapid rate.  “What I told you right now was the extent of what I could talk about with Steve’s permission so I’m,” she pantomimed zipping her lips closed, “shutting my mouth on that.  But since we’re done talking about everything I’m allowed to talk about-”  She walked over to Bucky’s door and opened it.  “You can come in now.”

Bucky tensed up waiting for another ridiculous person to come through his door.  What comes in instead is an embarrassed looking Steve who actually goes through the door instead of popping in like he usually does.

Bucky let the huge sense of relief of seeing Steve wash over him.  Ever since their fight he wasn’t assured as before that Steve would always be here in the apartment.  Bucky got up and walked over towards Steve ready to hug him.  Steve looked like he knew what Bucky was going to do and looked like a deer in the headlights, like he wasn’t used to people hugging him.  At the very last moment though Bucky remembered that Steve was in fact a ghost and could not be hugged.  He stopped right in front of Steve suddenly feeling very awkward.

The deer in the headlights look left Steve’s face.  Steve instead smiled but his eyes were the saddest things Bucky had ever seen.  Bucky’s heart started to break.

Fuck it.

Bucky was suddenly very cold as he tried to hug Steve as best as he could with his physical body and Steve’s ghost one.  It felt really awkward because it felt like Bucky was miming a very bad impression of a hug, but as Bucky pulled away the look in Steve’s eyes made it all worth it.

“Missed you, buddy.”

Steve was all red in the face but his voice was soft as he replied, “Yeah, me too.”

Bucky rolled his eyes as he heard Darcy stage whisper, “This is so tragic.”

Bucky turned and stared at her with his best done face. 

She shrugged with a huge smile.  “What?  It is!”  She patted Bucky on the arm before turning towards Steve and said, “Remember what we talked about.”

Steve nodded and Bucky wondered what they were talking about.

She nodded back at him before staring at Bucky like his older sister did at his dates back in the day.  Once she left Bucky felt himself deflate because finally he was home and he could relax.

“So.”

Bucky turned around and Steve was staring at his hair.

“It seems like you changed your face a bit.”

Bucky felt the weight of the day finally leave his shoulders as he smiled at Steve and said, “You have no idea.”


	17. Fluffernutter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short but I hope it's sweet enough that you forgive me.

“So, how did your conversation with Darcy go?”  Steve’s muffled voice asked through the bedroom door.

Bucky pulled on some pajama pants not caring that it took longer than necessary to put them on since they practically glued themselves to his wet legs.   He went to run his hands through his hair but when his fingers came up short he scowled at his hand.

He kept forgetting he cut his hair.  Every time he remembered he got more and more annoyed with himself. 

He really needed to go to bed.

He sighed then before he jumped onto his bed like a five year old instead of a man in his mid-twenties he walked over to his door and slammed it open.  He would have snorted as Steve jumped in the air in fright but all he was focused on was flying onto his bed and snuggling his blankets to death.

Once he stopped bouncing and cocooned himself he remembered Steve asked him something.  He totally forgot what it was and he yelled at Steve, “What did you say?”

When Steve didn’t answer him Bucky furrowed his brow and for a second he debated on whether to check if Steve, who was a ghost after all, was alright or not moving from his spot. He blew out an irritated breath and looked up.  When he saw Steve still outside his door he rolled his eyes and yelled, “Get in here, moron.  I’m tired and I don’t want to yell.”

When Steve didn’t move Bucky wanted to throw something at Steve.  When he remembered that it would just go through him it made him a million times angrier, but he didn't do anything since he wasn't dedicated enough to move from his spot of warm comfort.

“Steve come to bed or I’m ignoring you for sleep.”  When Steve blinked at him Bucky added, “That’s not an idle threat.”

That somehow broke Steve from his reverie and he disappeared then reappeared at the end of the bed.  Steve hesitated before he asked, “Are you sure?”

Bucky just defeatedly sighed before saying in the deadest of tones, “Steve, I’m tired as all hell, but I still want to talk to you.  Get on the bed so I can be comfy but still enjoy your company, you goof.”

One minute Steve was front of him and the next he’s sucking the warmth from Bucky's cocoon with his too handsome face only inches away from Bucky.

Bucky jumped.   Not from being scared for the first time, but from how cold it suddenly became in his once warm cocoon of warmth.

“Back up, asshole.  I’m too tired for your warmth sucking ghost powers.”

Steve was instantly off the bed making Bucky groan.  Even though the cold was gone, Steve was also gone and that was not what he wanted.

“Just lay down near the edge of the bed and I’ll do the same.”  When Steve didn’t move but instead gave him a raised eyebrow Bucky said, “Fuck off.  This will work.”

Steve didn’t have to voice his criticism as he waited for Bucky to move to the other side of the bed to pop onto the bed laying once again on his side.

Bucky could still feel the cold that was naturally around Steve but with his now warmer and getting warmer cocoon of blankets around him he didn’t mind it at all.

“So,” Steve jumped at Bucky’s voice.  Bucky didn’t understand why because he had been staring at him not two seconds ago.  He was too tired to think on why that was.

“What did you say before?”

Steve shrugged, and Bucky watched in fascination as his shoulder disappeared into the bed.  “Did Darcy ask you if your friends were single or not?”

That got Bucky’s attention.  “What?”

Steve shrugged.   I made Bucky forget a second that they were talking about his odd neighbor because of Steve's disappearing shoulders and because he really like how broad Steve's shoulder were.

“I don’t know.  When I was talking to her yesterday she mentioned that she saw your friends for just a moment but she knew instantly from their energies that they would jive well with her other friends who are single and ready to mingle.”  Steve paused and wrinkled his nose.  “Well, that’s how she told me at least.  The way she speaks is a little odd even for me and I’ve lived through some weird vernacular through the years.”

Bucky didn’t want to know what Steve was even talking about and decided snuggling into his pillows was better use of his time. 

“She’s weird.”  Bucky yawned wide.

He almost missed Steve’s indignant, “She’s very nice.”

Bucky blinked his eyes opened trying his best to stay awake and trying to find Steve’s indignant and righteous anger over his comment not hilarious.

“I never said she wasn’t.”  He couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer and before he drifted off he said, “And if you want to tell her you can but, yeah, they’re single but I’m not sure if they want to mingle.”

The last thought Bucky had as he sunk into his deep slumber was, “Cold,” as he shivered at the feeling of trailing cold on his cheeks.


	18. Shipping Names

“You sound stupid.”

“I’m just saying our relationship name would be Sames.”

“No.”

Sam put down his coffee and looked Bucky in the eye and said seriously.  “We are Sames, Bucky.  Get used to it.”

Nat laughed on her end.   Bucky glared at Sam then at his phone before saying, “We are not Sames.”

“Shut up, at least he went with Sames and not Sucky.”

Sam had just taken a drink of his coffee and started to choke on it.  Bucky felt a little better at that fact.

“Shut up, Natasha.”

“No, never.” Sitting a couple of tables away Nat sat in her best first date dress giving him a shit-eating grin.

Bucky didn’t know why they were talking on the phone when he could be doing laundry at home.   Instead, he had to be here with Sam, who looked like he was as done with the whole ideal as Bucky felt.   They were here as Nat’s back up.  A work friend of her's set her up on a blind date. Even though she insisted she needed to go to on the date, she complained the entire ride to the coffee shop.

Bucky just hoped she knew how much he loved her.  He also hoped that the feeling that he was somehow betraying Baton's would go away soon as well.   He was just helping a friend out not buying the damn thing. 

“I hope you realize that I love you so much that I sacrificed my much needed laundry day to be here.”

“Oh, I know and I’m taking full advantage.”  Nat sipped on her tall cup of cold, disgusting coffee that Bucky was pretty sure was made from the tears of men.  She gave them a small wave.  “I’m pretty sure Steve,the friendly neighborhood ghost, won’t mind missing you for a day.”

Bucky barely stopped himself from saying out loud that Steve had definitely minded that he was missing laundry day.  For some reason, Steve loved laundry day.  He would watch Bucky put in the clothes trying not to let on how excited he was, but Bucky knew better. Steve would be nonchalant as the wash would go but once it was time for the dryer his whole composure would change.   Bucky didn’t know if it had anything to do with the whole energy transfer thing Steve, but Steve would attack the freshly dried clothes.  He would hold them clothes and with so much joy as if it were Christmas and they were his gifts. 

When Bucky told Steve about Natasha’s date Steve didn’t say anything.  He just nodded and went back to watching How It’s Made.  When Bucky asked him is he was okay Steve just turned to him with a smile and told him he was fine.

Bucky didn’t have any proof other than his gut feeling but he was pretty sure that Steve’s smile was anything but happy.

Bucky snapped his head up and blinked at Sam, who had just been snapping his fingers right in front of his face. 

“Dude, are you okay?”

Bucky shook his head to clear his head and said, “I’m fine.  Just day dreaming.”

Sam nodded his head like he was agreeing but by the narrowing of his eyes Bucky knew better.

Bucky was saved from Sam’s inquiry by the arrival of Nat’s date.

“Alright, you know what to do,” and with that she hung up on Bucky. 

Bucky closed his phone and looked over at Sam.  They nodded at each then they started to act like they weren't paying the upmost attention to Nat.

Her date seemed harmless enough.  He was tallish, but when he walked he hunched himself over as if he was trying to make himself smaller.  With the loafers and faded beige blazer he looked like a worn out high school teacher.  The brand new purple shirt and the expressive watch he had on though spoke of a higher paying position.  A college professor perhaps.

“He seems alright.”

Bucky shrugged and took a swig of his coffee that was getting cold to his displeasure.  “Don’t let the college professor look fool you, man.”

Sam turned to Bucky with pinched lips and a 'Do you think I’m stupid' look on his face.  “I know that.”

Bucky shrugged.  “Just saying.”

Sam rolled his eyes then ignored him for watching Nat and the guy shake hands.

They didn’t say anything for a while as Nat and the guy started talking.  He didn’t leave right away nor did Nat seem ready to murder the guy.  Bucky was willing to give Sam’s comment a bit of an agreement on that point.

He was ready to get up and throw away his cup when Sam’s voice stopped him.

“What do you think your and Nat’s relationship name would be?”

Bucky stopped watching the two awkwardly chat and turned towards Sam.  Sam looked at him for a moment before putting his eyes back on Nat and her date.

Bucky thought about it for a moment before shrugging.  “I was gonna say our named would be Nucky but then I remember Nat hates Nucky Thompson-”

Sam gave him a confused look and Bucky waved his hand. 

“The main guy in Boardwalk Empire.”

Sam blinked for a moment before making an oh face of understanding then his eyes were back on their targets.

“Okay, so not Nucky.  What about-,” then suddenly Sam’s face contorted into his ugly laughing face.  That meant a whole round of laughter was coming up, “-what about.”  Sam couldn’t even finish his sentence because he was laughing so hard.

Bucky silently waited for him to calm down.  He had a feeling that what Sam was laughing about wasn't even that funny.  Sam lost his cool most of the time on things only he thought were hilarious. 

As he waited he watched Nat and her date talk.  They both seemed awkward as they talked, but everything seemed to be okay.  Bucky never understood why Nat always brought two friends with her on a first date.  He knew she was perfectly capable of keeping herself safe.  He just chalked it up to her wanting to know she had someone watching her back if she needed it.  He could understand wanting that.

He turned back to Sam when it seemed like he was finally calming down. 

Sam wiped his eyes and took in a few breaths before saying in a calmer manner than before, “What about Butasha?”

Bucky made a face as Sam tried, and unsuccessfully, to hold in his giggles.  “No.  That reminds me too much of Boris and Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle.”

“But see,” Sam threw up his hands and excitedly leaned in closer, “that’s why it’s so perfect.  You both have some Russian blood in you and most of the time you two are both ridiculously stupid.”

Bucky glared at Sam.  “Your logic is flawed and I hate you.”

“Shut up.”  Sam leaned back into his seat.  “You know I’m right and you love me.”

Bucky was going to flip him off when a loud thump sounded in the air.  Both Sam and him jumped and turned around to see Nat’s date slumped over their table.  Natasha was staring at him in disbelief.  She looked up at their questioning looks and shrugged.

Bucky looked over at Sam who shrugged in return.  Bucky looked back at Nat and decided that he was going over to save her from whatever was happening on her end.   Abruptly, the guy’s head flew back up scaring Nat enough that she jumped.

He got up out of the chair but he stopped at Sam’s hand on his shirt. 

“Wait.”

Bucky turned to say that no he wasn’t going to wait when suddenly Nat smiled.  He paused with his mouth opened and just stared as Nat laughed next at whatever her date just told her.  He looked down at Sam then rolled his eyes when he saw the knowing glint in Sam’s eye.

“Shut up.”

“Never,” Sam said as he let go of Bucky’s shirt as Bucky sat down.

They watched for a few more minutes. They wondered how the whole date went from awkward to there being laughter and genuine smiles. 

Soon enough it looked like the date was over and the two exchange numbers then a hug.  When the guy left he passed by their table and the smile on his face piqued Bucky’s interest even more.

When Nat simply sat down and stared at her phone with a smile.  Bucky and Sam looked at each other in confusion before they hurriedly got out of their seats and went over to Nat.

Before they could sit down Bucky and Sam were asking Nat what just happened.  Did they have another date? Why was she smiling? 

Nat just looked at them with happiness in her eyes.  The she said with so much happiness, “I think I just made a friend.”

Bucky couldn't help the surprised burst of laughter that escaped at her comment.


	19. Don't You Forget About Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to post this last Sunday BUT my computer freaked out on me so I lost all of the edited version that I worked so hard on. So, I cried a bit and decided that I should just wait until today to post it. So, thankfully nothing bad happened! 
> 
> Okay, warnings for attempted suicide, depression, and mentions of infertility. Nothing in detail but a character will be discussing these things.

“Wait-wait, so you’re telling me that both of them went on this blind date? Just because of their mutual friend even though both of them didn’t want to in the first place?”

“Yep.”  Bucky checked the time left on the dryer then sat back down. He saw the clock said three minutes left when he knew it really meant ten more.  Steve had informed him that this dryer took the longest.  That he should go with the very last one if he wanted to go to bed before midnight.  Bucky ignored him. He decided that even if he was going to be dead on his feet tomorrow at work spending some time with Steve was worth it.

“Nat said that he was so relieved to hear she wasn’t looking to date anyone he collapsed on the table.  He nearly broke it.” 

Sitting right across from Bucky, Steve stopped throwing his blue, squishy ball and gave him a skeptical look. Bucky didn't know where he got the ball, but he wasn't going to ask.

Bucky put up his hand and said, “No, really.  I was there and he just thunked his head on the table so loud it made everyone jump.”  Bucky laughed as he remembered Nat’s surprised face.   “Even Nat, who is the coolest of cucumbers, got scared.  She looked at me and Sam with the most dumb, and surprised face I had ever seen on her.”  He tried to imitate her face making Steve snort with laughter.  “I was going to go over there and be the knight and shining armor that I am when Sam stopped me.  I was going to go all dragon slayer on him but then Nat actually starts laughing.  She actually starts conversing with the guy and let me tell you it was confusing and weird to see.”

Steve stopped throwing the ball up in the air again and asked, “Why?  She seemed really nice and stuff the last time she was here.  I mean, she was intense and weird and she also hid the liquor in the closet. But, she wasn’t unapproachable, I guess.”

Bucky just hummed at Steve’s comment.  He was so tired and he could feel it in the way his eyelids were heavy and his entire body longed for his bed.  The determination to stay awake and visit with Steve was the only thing keeping him awake.  Well, and also his decision to sit straight up right against the dryer he was using.  It successfully hurt his back and made his butt go numb five minutes into putting his clothes in. 

He sighed then shook his head to stay awake.  “No, Nat is intense but she knows how to interact with the rest of us mortals.”  He paused then sighed as he ran a hand down his face.  “We just don’t make friends easily, that’s all.”

Steve paused as he looked at Bucky with a conflicted expression. Bucky would have loved to figure it out if his brain wasn’t screaming to go to sleep.   Steve pursed his lips as if he was fighting with himself then asked hesitantly, “What do you mean?”

Bucky sighed then closed his eyes as he felt the dryer start slow down.  Usually he would try to steer clear of this type of conversation.  He simply never wanted to have this conversation.  Period.  With anyone. 

But this was Steve.  Even though it wasn’t any of his business to ask Bucky felt like maybe it was okay to make it his business.  Besides he was a ghost, who was he going to gossip to?

Having the feeling he was still going to regret sharing this in the morning, Bucky sighed. “We’re all damaged.”

When he didn’t go on Steve said, “Everyone's damaged, Buck.”

Bucky snorted then opened his eyes.  “I know that, but we, Sam, Nat and I, are all damaged in a way most people aren’t.  I mean, we can all interact with normal people alright.  It’s not like we can't actually connect with them.”  He looked over at Steve and sighed at his look.  “Sam saw action over in Iraq.  Even though he goes to meetings and he’s gotten better you don’t just forget stuff like that.  And Nat,” Bucky stopped and breathed out a huge sigh. “Well, Nat hasn’t had the easiest life, if you my drift.  And I-”  He jumped as the timer on the dryer went off.  He sighed then gave a concerned looking Steve a shrug, “And I’m just weird I guess.”

He got up and went to open the dryer when suddenly he felt the cold that was Steve behind him.  He was ready for Steve to want to pounce on the freshly dried and warm clothes. But he usually waited until Bucky gave him the okay.  Bucky turned to ask Steve what was wrong but the look on Steve’s face stopped him.

“What happened Bucky?”

Bucky just stared at Steve’s earnest face.  He didn’t know how to deal with Steve right now.  He wanted to tell him to go to hell and to mind his own business, but he remembered he was the one to open this can of worms.  He wanted to ignore his question but by the look of Steve he wasn’t going to let this go.  

He looked back at his laundry and got an idea.

“Equivalent exchange.”

Steve’s brows furrowed in confusion.  “What?”

“It’s where-”

Steve shook his head, “No, I know what it means.  I just never pegged you as a FMA fan.”

Bucky smiled and shrugged.  “There’s still a lot of things you don’t know about me.”  He raised a hand to stop whatever Steve was going to say next and said, “And there’s a lot of things I don’t know about you.  Mostly, how this whole energy thing you keep mentioning but won’t explain works.  So, you tell me how you work and I’ll tell you my stupid backstory.”  Bucky pulled up his hand waiting for Steve to shake on it.  “Deal?”

Steve looked at Bucky’s hand, then at Bucky like he was stupid for wanting to shake a ghost’s hand.  Bucky just kept staring at Steve waiting to see if he would agree to his terms and conditions. 

After a moment of staring at each other Steve rolled his eyes.  He sighed out a weary fine before shaking as best as he could Bucky’s hand. 

Bucky’s whole arm erupted in goosebumps as his hand went icy cold.  He didn’t flinch as they awkwardly shook hands.  Steve’s hands went through his as they went down but Bucky didn’t mind.   

“Okay, now that we got that out of the way can you please help me put my laundry in the basket?  You might not need to sleep, but I sure as hell do.”

Steve mocked glared at him as he took his hand away from Bucky’s and waited as Bucky opened up the dryer.  Bucky stepped away and let Steve take the first armful of clothes.  Steve always hesitated for a moment before throwing himself into the dryer.  He even disappeared into it for a moment before he would come back with an arm full of warm laundry. It quickly became cold in Steve’s arm.  For a moment though the look of pure enjoyment on Steve’s face stilled Bucky.  He didn’t know why but just seeing Steve happy, even for a fleeting moment, was worth all the sleep deprivation he was putting himself through.

“Come one lazy ass, I’m not taking all these clothes out by myself.”

Bucky blew a raspberry at Steve, “Hey, I’m the one that’s going to be carrying that all the way up to the apartment.  Do your part, butthole.”

Steve moved the big pile of clothes in his arms until he could successfully flip Bucky off.  Bucky threw back his head and laughed making Steve roll his eyes. 

Soon enough Steve got all the clothes out of the dryer. They trekked what felt like miles all the way back to their apartment with no incident.  As Bucky closed the door he threw the basket of clothes away from him in the kitchen.  From the basket spilled out a sock and a band t-shirt.  Bucky didn’t care.  All he wanted was to lock the door and then fling himself onto his bed.

Once he heard the door locked he did just that as he stripped out of his clothes not caring where they landed.  Once he jumped onto his bed he rolled himself around until he was in a cocoon of blankets. He let himself relax and closed his eyes ready to sleep.

The feeling of ice exploding in his stomach woke him up instantly.  He clutched at his stomach, gasping for air then looked up as Steve snorted.

“You’re so dramatic.”

“What the hell Steve?!  What is wrong with you?!”

Steve didn’t even blink. He popped away from the edge of the bed to laying right beside Bucky.  Bucky glared at his impassive face as he shrugged.  “You promised me we would talk about stuff and I’m ready to talk about stuff.”

“And you had to freeze my inside because-?!”

“Because you were falling asleep and I did what I thought was the best course of action.”

“Freezing my insides was the best course of action?!”

“Shut up, you’re fine.”

“How do you know? I could be dying!”

“Well,” Steve moved on his side and yawned, the motherfucker, and said with a shrug. “If you die you can haunt this place with me for forever and ever.  I don’t see how that’s a problem.”

Bucky glared at Steve’s smile.  He pulled is blankets even closer before huffing in annoyance.  “Fine, but I’m killing you the moment I’m dead you got that?”

Steve just chuckled as he closed his eyes.  “Whatever you say Buck.”

Seeing Steve fake sleep, because there’s no way ghosts could actually sleep, Bucky remembered how much he wanted and needed to sleep.  He sighed making the decision to just get this through this conversation already.  Like ripping a band-aid, he thought.

“My dad died.”

Steve’s brow furrowed then he slowly opened his eyes with a frown.

“Okay, just listen.  So, I don’t know all the details because I was too young to know better. And my mom never wanted to talk about it but my dad died and she was able to sue for a lot of money.”  He looked at Steve and said, “If I wanted to I wouldn’t have work for the rest of my life.  That’s how much we got.”  Bucky looked away watching shadows move across the walls as cars drove past.  “That’s how I got this apartment so fast.  I paid right up front and a few more if they could look the other way for a bit until I could a job.”  He shook his head. “My mom didn’t raise us to set around on our asses.  So, I still work and live in shitty apartments with shitty roommates.” He glanced at Steve with a teasing smile and Steve returned a smile back with a roll of his eyes. “But I like it.”

He sighed then looked back at the wall void of shadows this time.  “I don’t really remember my dad.  Like, I know enough from other people that he was an amazing person, y’know?  But I only have a vague memory of him when he was alive.”

Bucky opened his mouth to say that from what he could remember it was his birthday and he was opening his presents.  His dad had got him something expensive, a toy truck maybe?, and his mom had gotten mad at him.  He remembered pretending to play with his toy with his sister.  They must have been fighting over money.  That’s the only reason he could think why his usually cool headed mom went off on him like that.   So, yeah, that was his one and only memory of his dad and it was him fighting with his mom.

Not very heartwarming or positive like most of the other accounts people had given him.  He learned early on to just agree with them.  To not tell them his memory or they would lecture him about how great and wonderful his dad was.

He got it.  Really.

He closed his mouth.  That would be a stupid thing to recount and Steve probably didn’t even want to know, anyways.

“But people, even people my mom didn’t know and she like knew everyone, would come up to us and talk about my dad.  You have no idea how many baseball and football stories I’ve heard of my dad.  Apparently he was a star, but my mom just said he was okay.  She said they only said that stuff to make me and themselves feel better over his loss.”

Bucky jumped a little as Steve quietly said, “My mom said something like that to me when I was little.”

Bucky stared at Steve for a moment as Steve stared at the opposite wall Bucky was staring at.  He met Bucky’s eyes then smiled a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.  “My dad died too.  My ma didn’t get much but we got by.”

Bucky looked down at the space between them suddenly feeling stupid and insensitive.  “Sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“No, it’s okay.  If my ma knew that she could get money without getting deported or worse then I’m sure she would have done it.”

Bucky didn’t say anything else.  Of course Steve had it worse than him.  He lived through the goddamn Depression for godsake.  Here he is complaining about his little troubles.  He must look stupid and spoiled right now.

Bucky shivered as he felt his nose turn icy cold.  He looked up and Steve was waving his hand in front of his face.  “Hey, our situations are apples and oranges.  I was just saying it get what you mean about the whole dad thing.”  When Bucky didn’t say anything Steve rolled his eyes then did a rolling motion with his hand.  “Go on.  I’m losing beauty sleep here.”

Bucky couldn’t help the laugh that broke free at Steve’s comment.  “Shut up.”

“Never.”

Bucky looked at Steve and Steve smiled at him just patiently waiting for him to continue.  For the first time Bucky wished Steve was alive so he could hold Steve’s hand.  He didn’t know why he felt like it.  He just knew if he could put his hand in Steve’s the world would just seem that much better.

Instead he clutched his blankets closer.  He coughed then looked away from Steve hoping the dark would hide his blushing.

“Well, I-uh-um-”

“You were talking about your dad.”  Bucky felt like he was reading way into it. But it sounded like Steve knew why Bucky couldn’t string a sentence together.

That didn’t help Bucky’s case at all. “Oh, yeah right, um,” Bucky paused then told himself to breathe and took one big gulp of air.  His heart was pounding and his palms were sweating and, oh god, he was nervous.

To be with Steve.  The friendly, hot, and nice ghost.

“Right, um, so, as I was saying,” he let out a big breath, “I kinda grew a complex.  Even though I loved hanging with people I just could never open to anyone because no one seemed to get it y’know?”

“Were you a partier or something?  I remember Nat saying that you would do better living with roommates than on your own.”

Bucky paused for a moment.  “Yes, and no.  I mean, I did hang out with my friends a lot. And I did throw a lot of parties when I was them but I wouldn’t say I was exactly looking for a party.  The party just came to me.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow as Steve snorted loudly.  “You okay buddy?”

Steve bit his lip trying to hide his laughter but failed miserably at it.  He successfully mesmerized Bucky, who couldn’t look away from Steve’s lips.  “You were such a partier that you can’t even admit it.”

Bucky blushed. Out of indignation or because he just realized he was staring too closely at Steve’s lips he didn't know. He glared at Steve.  “No, I wasn’t.”

“You so were and I can totally see it.  Bad boy Bucky Barnes.  I bet you had all the dames after ya.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and before he could think better of it he mumbled, “And some fellas.”

The silence that followed Bucky was and wasn’t expecting.  He thought that maybe Steve was homophobic because of the era he lived in.  He thought he would have gotten over some prejudices over the hundred years he’d been dead.  He guessed he was wrong about that.

“Anyways.” Bucky coughed then moved onto his back needing to NOT look at Steve at the moment but at the ceiling instead.  “Anyways, I, uh, I grew a complex that made it hard for me to talk to people.  So, I get to college and my first year goes by great.  I had such high grades and whatnot that when I applied for a single dorm in a normally three year dorm I was able to get it.  Then second my year happened and it, uh, it went well until it didn’t.  My grades started to slip, and I started to hole myself in my dorm, and-” Bucky paused.  Not only did he not want to go on but he suddenly couldn’t speak with how tight his throat became.  He couldn’t breathe.  He threw his blankets off him.  Instead of being warm and inviting they were suffocating him.  Pulling him down like the memories of that year always did.

“Buck-”

Bucky hated that tone.  The pitying and soft tone of someone wanting to help when he didn’t fucking need it.

He rub at his hair then pulled at it in frustration when he remembered it was short.

“I have depression and anxiety issues, okay?  I didn’t know it then but it apparently runs through my family.  But they never talked about it because to them depression doesn’t actually exist.  It’s just us being too lazy to pull ourselves up from our boot straps.”

“Bucky-”

“No, let me finish.”  Bucky stared at Steve who looked like he was going to argue with Bucky.  Bucky swore to himself that if Steve was going to fight with him he was just going to leave.  He go over to Nat’s and Sam’s for the night.  He didn’t need this right now.

Steve slowly closed his mouth and let out a big breath before nodding at Bucky.

Bucky turned away from Steve and let the words flow because he had come this far might as well just let it all out. 

“So, I’m literally drowning here.  I can’t get out of bed cuz my body simply won’t allow me because overnight it turned to lead.  I can’t sleep because I’m worried about school. What I was gonna do after college? Would I be able going to get a good paying job to help my mom?  All this future stuff that I can’t control as freaking me out. I couldn’t control them even though I thought I should.  I thought I was dying. I thought I was having heart attacks when they were my anxiety and panic attacks attacking me.  And I go to my mom, the one person who could help me right?  She kinda just told me to get over it.  Like, how could I get over feeling like I was dying and wanting to die?  My sister,” Bucky softly snorted. “My sister who I had never gotten along with before and most of the time I hated was on my side.  Could you believe it?  My sister the family screw up was looking after me?!  I, the child my mother always said would go places and would buy her all the nice things in life, was suddenly was failing at everything.  I just couldn’t take it.”

Bucky looked down at his hands.  He remembered going up to the R.A. just before dawn.  The R.A. had been so mad at him for interrupting his sleep. Bucky would never forget the look on his face when he told him what he had done.

“What did-”

“Pills.  I didn’t want to live a mess behind so slitting my wrists was out of the question.  I had no money to buy a gun so I couldn’t do that.  I had researched a few days before how to die.  By far pills were the least likely to do it but they were the only things I had on hand and one night I just went for it.” 

He had to stop as he remembered opening the brand new bottle of aspirin his mom had just bought him that semester.   Logically, he knew that this would probably not kill him.  But the urge to just die was too much so he down most of the bottle before he had the sudden feeling of NOT wanting to die.  He didn’t know what to do. He raced to his R.A.’s room.  After a half hour of gentle talking from his R.A. and the ambulance people he was in a hospital.  Not long after that he voluntarily committed himself.

“Thankfully they didn’t have to pump my stomach. I had thrown up most of it after I realized that I didn’t in fact want to die.”

Bucky took in a deep breath and turned to Steve.   Steve strangely enough actually looked horrified about what he had just said.  Huh, even after coming out Steve’s opposed feelings didn’t get in the way of actually caring for him.  That was something at least.

“I stayed at a mental facility for a while and with my sister’s help I got better.  I had to quit school for a while. I simply couldn’t do it and because I had to pay back the time I spent in the mental health facility.   Once I got better enough that the thought of school didn’t break me into a cold sweat I went back and graduated.” 

Steve looked like he had just been put through the ringer.  Bucky knew that it was rough on the people he cared about to hear this.  At the same time, he didn’t rightly care because it took everything in him just to tell it. 

He turned back to looking at the ceiling as he remembered telling his regular doctor about what happened.  How he had laughed at his silly attempted.  Aspirin?  Oh, silly boy, that wouldn’t have killed you.

That had set him so back that his sister practically forbade him from ever going back there again.  He didn’t need to be told that twice.

“And even though it’s none of your business I’m gonna tell you anyways. I met Nat outside an infertility group that my sister went to.”

“But your niece-” Bucky turned and simply stared at Steve for the longest time.  After a while Steve became awkward enough he looked away.  “Uh, sorry.”

 Bucky turned away and sighed.  “My doctors told my sister that she couldn’t have kids. She kinda went into a spiral like me, but unlike me she didn’t have anyone there for her.  Mom said the same thing that she told me and we weren’t close enough that she ever thought of telling me.”  Bucky shrugged.  “She told me that when she learned of what I did she didn’t me to go through she did. The silence, the shame, and the isolation.  So, she told me to come pick her up from her group. So, we could talk to the group leader if they knew any groups for depression and anxiety.  She thought it would be a good start since I had no idea what I was doing let alone looking for.  So yeah,” Bucky paused remembering the first time he saw Nat.  He wanted to say that she was in a skin tight dress ready looking ready to kill anyone who looked her way. Knowing Nat though she probably was wearing a sweater and yoga pants looking a little worse for wear.  It still didn’t stop him from being intimidated as all hell when she smiled in that way she knew scared people.

He smiled and looked at Steve for a moment before staring at the ceiling again.  “She busted my balls so hard that day.  My sister talked so much shit about me in her group Nat literally wanted to fight me then and there.”

Steve softly snorted.  Bucky couldn’t help the little smile when he saw that Steve thought he was being dramatic.  “You think I’m joking but she was ready to go.  She told me she was ready to go outside and mop me the floor with me.  But once my sister made it clear she didn’t want that-”

Bucky paused and he knew he should stay on topic but he suddenly got a thought and he needed to say it.  “Do you know that girls have this like secret communication? Where they can just look over a guy’s shoulders and like they just know what the other girl is thinking?  Like-?  How does that even work?”

Steve turned his head. Bucky was sure he was trying to hide his huge snort of laughter but Steve failed miserably.  “It happens because guys are too busy in their own dumb world to realize what women are actually doing.”

Bucky tilted his head in question.  Steve rolled his eyes and said, “Trust me on this.  Even when I was alive I would- What do you call it now? Uh, yes, people watch.  Even back then guys would be off in their own little worlds. While women would be silently communicating with the ease of a telekinetic master.”  Steve looked at Bucky for a moment before shrugging.  “When you’re ignored most of the time you get pretty good at nonverbal communication.  Trust me.  I would know.”

Sometimes Steve said things that completely made no sense to Bucky.  How in the world could anyone ignore Steve?  Not only was he hot but he was actually really funny and nice and sarcastic and-

Whoa there Bucky, Bucky told himself, don’t go down that rabbit hole.

Bucky and Steve stared at each other.  Bucky could have fallen asleep just like that. He remembered suddenly that he needed to finish his story or he would never get to sleep.

“Anyways, so she ends up inviting herself to dinner with us and let me tell you she fucking slayed me.  I mean, I still have metaphorical wounds from the tongue lashing she gave me.”

“How are you guys still friends?”

Bucky laughed then shrugged.  “I don’t know to be honest.  After my sister told her my situation Nat came around and apologized to me.  We were both in a stage in our lives where we would spill too much personal information on people. So when she apologized to me I opened up about my shit and she opened up about hers and-,” Bucky shrugged. “I don’t know we’ve just never stopped talking since that day.”  Bucky paused again then made an oh sound before snapping his fingers. “We met Sam at the laundry mat that we used to go to.  He helped us beg for change because Nat and I of course chose the one machine that ate all our coins.  We were so stupid.  Instead of trying to figure out why our machine wasn’t working, we kept feeding coins into the machine.”  Bucky stared off at the ceiling for a moment and shrugged.  “I still don’t know how we roped him into being our friend but there you go.”  He stared at the ceiling for a moment before onto his side.  “So, now your turn.  How does this whole energy thing work?”

Steve sighed and looked at Bucky before he buried his face into his arms.  “I don’t wanna.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and decided enough was enough.  He swung out his arm.  He shivered as his arm from the wrist to above his elbow went super cold.  Goosebumps exploded all over his arm as it went straight through Steve.  Steve jumped then stared wide at Bucky.  He popped off the bed to the side of it holding on to his chest.  Bucky couldn’t help but laugh as it looked like Steve was a girl trying to cover herself.

“What was that for?!”

“Heh, it’s not nice sticking arms in places they don’t belong, huh?”

Steve crossed his arms across his body more closely.  Bucky raised an eyebrow in appreciation at the way Steve’s pecs squished together.  All Bucky wanted to do was motorboat the hell out of them.

“Motorboat what?”

“What?”  Bucky blinked up at Steve just stared at Bucky in confusion.  When Bucky realized what Steve had just asked he blushed and once again hoped that the dark hid it from Steve.

“Nothing.  I mumble when I get tired.”

Steve just stared at Bucky in disbelief before shaking his head.  “Whatever.  So, truce?”

Bucky looked Steve up and down.  He once again admired his broad shoulders and tapered waist before nodding.  “Okay, fine, but-,” He held up a finger, “We shake on it.”  When Steve just stared at Bucky’s finger Bucky rolled his eyes then opened up his hand for a real handshake.  “To make it official.”

Steve didn’t move from his spot as he stared hard at Bucky’s hand.  After a few moments where Bucky’s hands started to get numb Steve bit his lip then nodded his head.  He outstretched his hand. Bucky’s hand became frozen the second they ‘touched’ but he didn’t mind as he asked. “On the count of three we shake down then up okay?”

Steve nodded. After Bucky counted down they slowly and awkwardly shook each other’s hands.  Steve quickly took his hand away.  He then stared at it.  While Bucky slowly put his hand in his underneath his armpit trying to get some warmth back into it.

Steve licked his lips as he opened and closed his hands.  “I don’t know why you keep wanting to do stuff like that when you know we can’t actually do that.”

Bucky felt himself stiffen up and he opened his mouth to argue but he stopped himself when Steve shook his head.

“Forget it.”  Steve clenched his fist tight one last time before he popped back to his place on the bed.  “Okay, so I’m hoping I’m using these science-y words correctly but if not just know I tried okay?”

Bucky didn’t know what to take from that so he just nodded in agreement.

“Okay, so I’ve been visiting America,” at Bucky’s raised eyebrow Steve rolled his eyes. “The high school student I told you about?” 

Bucky had to think about it for a moment but then he remembered their fight.  “Yeah, okay, I remember.”

“Well, she had some science homework she was doing.  I’m hoping that some of the concepts in it can help me help you figure out this whole energy thing. Cuz if not I don’t really have much to say cuz on most days even I don’t know how this whole ghost thing works.”

Bucky didn’t know why Steve was rambling.  All he wanted to know what this whole energy thing work not lay around until he died to learn it.

“Okay, duly noted.  So, how does it work?”

Steve sighed.  “Okay, so the best way I can explain it is that living beings are an exothermic reaction.  While dead and lingering beings like myself are endothermic reactions.”

Bucky was so lost and so tired he wanted to resurrect Steve then kill him again.

“I don’t understand any of that so please dumb it down for the too tired to think people in the room.”

Steve stared at Bucky for a moment and Bucky was getting really irritated by it.  “Are you gonna stare at me all night or you gonna tell me what’s up?”

“You’re really grumpy when you’re tired you know that?”

Bucky glared harder at Steve. “So, I’ve been told. So,” he made a rolling motion with his left hand. “Are you going to expand on your explanation? Or can I sleep pissed at you for being the worst explainer in the history of explaining?”

Steve had the nerve to laugh.  “Okay, okay Mister Grumpy-pants.  The best way I can explain it is that the living give off energy.  So, when you live all this energy goes somewhere. Most of it stays in the surroundings like your furniture, the walls, and even some appliances.  Well, after a while it kinda just builds up in a building like this.  And you guys,” Steve points a finger a Bucky, “You guys are just full of energy.  So much energy you can’t even believe.  Babies have the most energy and it’s the most pliable.  That’s why I asked if I could calm down your niece.  Remember when I took your energy the first time we met? That was because your energy is more compact and harder to move while hers is looser and easier to move.  If you would have said yes I would have been able to make her fall asleep like that.” Steve snapped his fingers. “Without taking too much of her energy since her energy is easier to handle.” 

Steve stopped and stared at Bucky.  “Are you getting it so far?”

Bucky hummed.  “Yeah, I think so.”

“Alright.  So, when I died I didn’t know for a long time I was dead. So it was-,”

“Wait.” Steve blinked in surprise as Bucky sat up.  “How did you not know you were dead?”

Steve looked like he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words.  Bucky just stared at him waiting for some sort of answer.  He was reminded of how little he actually knew Steve.  Suddenly he was very much awake and very curious to see if Steve was willing to open up to him.

“I, uh, I was sick when I died.  I was used to be sick, y’know?”

Bucky didn’t, because Steve looked like the pinnacle of health.  He nodded anyways to keep Steve talking.

“I remember I was coughing so hard it hurt to breathe and everything in general hurt.  But I was used it and I had been through it before so when I went to sleep that night I didn’t think anything of it.  So, the next day when I woke up feeling one hundred percent better I thought it was weird.  But my ma always said the human body was a weird thing.  So, it was weird but life was weird y’know?  So, I remember leaving the building and walking around.  I didn’t have a job so I had tried to find some work.  Everyone was ignoring me more than usual but I didn’t think of it. Until one day I came back and I saw everything was moved.  I was so mad because I paid rent just like everyone else so why did people feel the need to mess with my stuff, y’know?  So, I went to the landlord all red in the face because I was just done with everything.  I was ready to blow up on him but he didn’t even react to me at all.  As if I wasn’t even there and I was so done so I hit him as hard as I could and suddenly I went right through him.  I couldn’t comprehend what was happening to me, I mean, how do you handle going right through a person?  And everything just started making sense and no sense at all and I couldn’t accept that I was dead.  What convinced me though was after a few days Peggy came around.  And just her face when she entered the apartment. I-,” Steve stopped. 

Bucky felt awkward as Steve looked like he wanted to say more but simply couldn’t.  He looked away when it looked like Steve was starting to cry.   He didn’t know what to do.  How do you comfort someone who’s remembering their death and coming to terms of being a ghost?

Steve sniffed then coughed as if clearing his throat.  “That was the last time I saw her.  It’s been about a hundred years but I still remember what she looked like. I-,” Steve paused and made a face like he suddenly had a revelation of something.  Bucky was going to ask what was up but Steve shook his head and went on. 

“Anyways, with the whole energy thing with ghosts we need to take energy from other sources to be heard.   When I was a new ghost I couldn’t be heard, seen, or even move things no matter how hard I tried.  The longer I stayed here I started to learn how to take energy from the building, the walls, and furniture.  Sometimes people but I try to avoid that as much as possible.  I think I told you but I wasn’t able to move things until, like, the eighties and then later in the nineties.  It took that long for me gather enough energy from my surroundings to be able to do that.  I never tried to talk until recently.  In the seventies, though, I scared this one couple because I laughed out loud at their joke and they actually heard me.” 

Bucky asked, “How does this have to deal with those reactions you mentioned earlier?”

Steve shrugged. “If I’m remembering right, an endothermic reaction is when something takes energy in to react with stuff while an exothermic gives off energy.  So, I’m endothermic cuz I take energy in to do anything and your exothermic because your one of the things I can take energy from.   So, am I still the worst explainer ever in the world?”

Bucky nodded his head yawning wide and long.  “You’re the best explainer in the world.  Now I’m going to bed not mad.”  Bucky closed his eyes but he laughed at Steve’s soft chuckle. 

“Aren’t you gonna wrap yourself up like a burrito?” Steve asked with a laugh.

Bucky snorted and said, “Don’t tell me what to do.  You don’t know me.  You don’t know my life.” 

Steve laughed as Bucky started to wrap himself up.  “Right.”

When Bucky was successfully wrapped up he closed his eyes ready for the sweet embrace of sleep.  When it didn’t come he furrowed his brow.  He then smashed his head against his pillow thinking that might be the reason he couldn’t sleep.  He sighed a big sigh when again sleep didn’t come.  He was going to accept he was never going to sleep when he realized what he needed. 

He sighed from the depths of his blankets.  He said, “Steve hold my hand.”

Bucky knew Steve was still there.  The coldness that always surrounded Steve was still right next to him.  When Steve didn’t hold his hand he scrunched up his nose and brow in frustration and said, “Steve did you not hear me?  Hold my fucking hand.”

Steve didn’t answer him back.  Bucky blew out a frustrated breath before he regretfully opened his eyes.  He saw a confused looking Steve staring at him. 

“What?”

“We can’t hold hands.”

Bucky wanted to throttle Steve because 1) he still wasn’t holding his hand and 2) Steve’s matter of fact tone was really rubbing him the wrong way.

“Don’t be an asshole.  Just hover above my hand and pretend.”  When Steve didn’t do as he said he rolled his eyes and from the depths of his blanket burrito he got his hand out.  He then thrusted his hand out toward Steve who flinched away from it. 

Bucky was so done with Steve.

“Give me your hand or I swear to god I’m killing your ghost ass again.  I’m tired and I need to hold your hand or I can’t fall asleep.”  Bucky gave Steve a second to grab his hand.  When nothing happened he started shaking his hand haphazardly in front of Steve’s face.  “Do you not care for my well-being?  I just want to sleep Steve.  Help a brother out Steve.  Steve. Steeeeeeeeve.”

Finally, Steve put his hand out and Bucky stopped flopping his hand around to lay it down on the bed.  When Steve laid his hand down on Bucky’s, Bucky finally felt like he could finally sleep. Even though his hand felt like it was being frozen to death.

Bucky closed his eyes and finally felt the pull of sleep.  Later when he woke up to an empty bed and still cold hand he would question why he even needed to hold hands with Steve in the first place.  He would tell himself that he was just really tired. That he didn’t really know what he was doing since he always acted weird when he was super tired.  He would also tell himself that in the moment he just felt like comforting Steve after Steve revealed so much to him the night before.  He knew the real reason though and it kept eating away at him as he went to work.

He was simply put a goner.  He was falling for someone who died a hundred years ago and he couldn’t stop it.

He was so stupid and so screwed.


	20. We Won!

“I am _s_ _o_ sorry for doing this to you on such short notice but this is _really_ important to me and-”

“Sis, I got this.” Bucky helped his sister untangle herself from the billions of baby bags she had hanging around her shoulders. It was a bit awkward with a sleeping Nadia in his arms but they managed to get them off without too many problems. “Mr. Barton,” Bucky winked at a displeased-looking Clint, “said it was okay that I took off early today to watch Nadia.”

His sister wasn’t listening to him (Typical, Bucky thought.) but turned towards Clint and asked, “Are you sure it’s okay for him to take off, Mr. Barton?”

Bucky smiled wide at the glare Clint gave him. Clint _hated_  to be called Mr. Barton. It didn’t stop Bucky from calling him that just to piss him off, though.

Clint turned his gaze back to his sister. Bucky knew he was trying to soften his facial features, but with Clint, his default face was one of being done with all the world. For all his efforts he just looked slightly less bored and murderous than usual.

“I am totally okay with Bucky leaving early. Even though he’s a pain in my ass, he’s one of my better workers. Besides, right now it’s the calm before the storm. I’ll be fine until Bucky’s replacement comes along.”

Bucky knew what was coming. That didn’t stop the frantic, pleading mantra of, “Don’t hug him,” from playing in his head. He rolled his eyes when his sister hugged Clint. Clint looked as shocked as most people did when his sister randomly hugged them. He hugged her back awkwardly as he softly patted her back. Clint looked at Bucky with panic in his eyes and Bucky just shrugged. Bucky was sure Clint would have glared at him if his sister hadn’t let go at that moment.

“Thank you so much! You have no idea who much this means to me.”

Clint awkwardly patted her shoulder in what Bucky supposed was for reassurance. “No problem.”

She turned to Bucky and before she could say anything Bucky held up his hand and said, “I got this Sis. _And_ I’m going to be having Sam over and you know how much Uncle Sam loves Nadia.” His sister nodded her head distractedly. “Now go before you’re late.”

She paused to look at him for a moment before turning towards Nadia who was sleeping in his arms. She whispered a goodbye than kissed Nadia on her forehead. Nadia didn’t move a bit.

His sister walked away. When she was outside the door she turned back around then waved at Bucky before finally leaving.

“Your sister is a hurricane of something.”

Bucky scoffed. “You’re telling me.”

“So, what’s this thing she’s so excited about?”

“I have no idea. She was so frantic about getting someone to watch Nadia that she totally forgot to tell me.” Bucky turned towards and Clint and shrugged. “Believe me. I tried to ask but it got me nowhere. She would start to answer then would get too distracted to answer.”

Clint nodded then leaned forward over the counter. As if she was delicate porcelain ready to break any second, he touched Nadia’s arm. “So, this is your niece.”

“Yep. Nadia Winifred Barnes.”

“Is your sister not married or did she not take her husband’s name or-?”

Bucky shrugged. “She took her husband’s name but I find her name sounds better as a Barnes then as a Proctor.”

Clint took that in for a second before nodding. “I can feel it. Hello, Nadia.”

This time, Nadia did move and Clint absolutely froze in terror.

“Chill, Clint. She’s a toddler, not a velociraptor.”

“Which are brutal, man. Unless you know how to be the alpha, like me.”

Without looking up Bucky waved his hand and said in a bored tone, “Hi, Quill."

“Y’know,” Clint said while preparing Peter’s usual drink. “Just because you kinda sorta but not really look like the guy from Jurassic World it doesn’t actually mean you can train velociraptors.”

Quill made a raspberry at Clint before saying, “I’m telling you I _am_ that guy. Just not-”

“Not in this universe,” Bucky and Clint said together in a bored tone.

“You need to stop hanging out with Wade so much,” Clint said as he handed Peter his drink

Quill dismissively waved his hand around. “Hey, I need to hang out with some more normal people and Wade is the most normal person I know that can stand me.”

Bucky and Clint look at each other. They silently asked each other why were they having this conversation. Bucky looked away first and said, “That’s rather sad, Quill.”

“Or is it awesome? Just something to think about.” Quill laid down his money. He then walked away slowly while pointing at his head and mouthing the words, “Think about it.”

Bucky and Clint watched him walk out the door with bored expressions. Once he was out Bucky turned to Clint and said, “I don’t understand that guy.”

Clint shrugged. “Me neither. But trust me, Quill wasn’t lying about being the most normal of the people his knows. Those people are straight up aliens I swear.”

Clint and Bucky suddenly looked at each other and smiled wide. At the exact same time, they said, “They don’t even go here!”

They cracked themselves up so badly. Through his tears, Bucky had to try to shush Clint before they woke up Nadia.

When Bucky started to calm down he looked at his phone and saw he should be leaving soon. “Alright. If you could help me put on all these bags without waking up my kid that would be awesome.”

Clint snorted but helped Bucky put on incredibly heavy bags. “Jeez, what does your sister put in these?”

“Everything.” When they got the last bag secure Bucky saluted Clint. “Thanks, boss.”

“No, problem. You sure you don’t need any more help? Your replacement should be here anytime soon. Well, hopefully sometime soon, and he could help you out.”

“Nah, I’m good.” Bucky adjusted one of the straps then asked, “So, who is my replacement? Deadpool?”

Clint shook his head. “No, he has a doctor’s appointment that he can’t miss today. No, I have Tones coming in. He’s been off for a while cuz his rich pompous dad whisked him off on this press tour thing that rich people apparently have to do every once and a while.” At Bucky’s blank stare Clint shrugged. “Tones is a good kid, just has a lot of attitude. I’m used to bad attitudes so it’s no problem for me. Plus, the guy does all my electrical repairs for free. Even though he sucks at customer service when I’m in a bind he helps out.” Clint shrugged again, and he seemed to be at the end of his speech.

Bucky nodded. He didn't exactly know what to do with this brand new information. He started for the door, anyways. “Thanks, Clint. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Clint just grunted and waved his hand as he turned to start cleaning the counter.

The walk and bus ride back home was uneventful. Nadia woke up on the bus and started to cry when she realized her mom wasn’t with her. Two old ladies helped calm her down and played peek-a-boo with her. They cooed at Nadia and even told Bucky that he was such a great dad. When he told them he was just the uncle they just smiled and said he would be a great father someday. He politely thanked them and silently thanked god that they had reached his stop.

Thinking about his future was just NOT in his list of things to do today. He preferred to have his existential crisis later, thank you very much.

He had just put Nadia on his shoulders when his phone started to ring. He winced as Nadia pulled his hair just a bit too hard, but he got his phone out. He looked at the screen and smiled when he saw it was Sam calling.

“Yo, what up, Brown Bear?”

When silence met him, Bucky went from playful to concern. “Hey, Sam what’s up?”

Bucky let out a sigh of relief when a long, strung out ugh met his comment. “Is there supposed to be another white guy in your apartment? Or did I accidently break into someone else’s home?”

All sorts of different scenarios went through his head. Some of them scary and some of them were just absurd. The only thing that came out of Bucky’s mouth though was, “Why are we whispering?”

The moment of judged silence that met him made Bucky hit his head with his phone for asking such a dumb question.

“Are you really asking me that when I’m hiding in a closet that may or may not be yours?”

Bucky gently pulled Nadia’s hands away from his hair before putting the phone back to his ear. “Sorry. Stupid question.”

“You’re telling me,” Sam grumbled back to him.

“Uh, what does this guy look like?”

“How’s that gonna help me?!”

Bucky sighed and thanked his stars that he was only a block away from his apartment. “Cuz if I know who it is I can either tell you definitely who it is or if it’s a burglar, dummy.”

“Shut up.” Sam’s side went quiet as all Bucky heard were movement sounds. He guessed Sam was trying to get a better look of the guy by opening the closet door. It took a minute or two but finally Sam came back and said, “Yo, if this guy’s a burglar he’s one relaxed burglar. He just finished making a cup of coffee.”

Perplexed even more Bucky just blew out is breath. He tried to figure what the hell he should do with this brand new information.

“Well.”

“Brilliantly stated Buck,” Sam said sarcastically. “Anyways, this guy is totally jacked up. He looked to be around our height with blond hair.”

Suddenly realizing who Sam was talking about Bucky let out a sigh of relief. “Oh, that’s just Steve.”

Dead silence met Bucky. He waited a moment before taking his phone away from his ear. He stared at his screen a second to see if he was still talking to Sam. As he round the corner to his building he put his phone back to ear in time to hear Sam say in whispered exclamation. “I knew it!”

“What?” That was all Bucky got out before Sam went out into a tirade of excited whispers.

“I /told/ Nat that you were lying about Steve being a ghost and she didn’t believe me. Bucky’s just a superstitious fool, she said. He doesn’t have anyone new in his life, she said! He would have told us, she said! Hah! I knew you were just covering for something!”

As he entered his building he moved around so he still had Nadia on his shoulder but had better use of his hands. “What are you talking about?”

“Steve the ghost! I knew that you-” Bucky picked up his step when there was a sound of frantic movement then Sam yelling. “I’M A FRIEND! I SWEAR!” Then the call disconnected. Bucky frantically hoped Steve didn’t use his ghost powers to knock out Sam. Nadia laughed and giggled the entire way as Bucky ran up the stairs to his floor instead of using the elevators.

“Fast-oh, Unkie Bucky! Fast-oh!”

Bucky tried his best to get his keys out of his pants but was hard when he had one had on Nadia and the other bumbling around. He had just gotten his keys out when his door opened to Steve and an awkward Sam smiling with his hands up.

“So, I found someone in your closet.” Steve blinked for a second then said, “I’m pretty sure there’s a joke in there somewhere.”

Bucky looked between the two before catching Sam snickering. He pointed at Sam and said, “Do not.”

Sam just raised his hands up in and said, “I’m just saying it’s a quick and easy gay joke right there.”

Bucky stared at Sam with a dead stare before wincing as Nadia pulled at his hair. She squealed and screamed, “UNKIE SAM!”

Sam’s whole face brightened as he smiled wide. Steve moved away as Sam stepped forward to hold out his hands for Nadia. She automatically moved towards his hands. Once she was in his arms he gave her chubby cheeks a good old fashion raspberry. Nadia once again screamed in delight. Bucky couldn’t help but laugh at Nadia’s joy and Steve’s uncomfortable stance.

“Unkie Sam stop!”

“Nope!” Sam gave her another big raspberry before putting her on his hip. “How’s my little butterfly doing?”

Nadia giggled and shook her head. “Unkie Sam I’m not a butt-o-fly! I’m too ‘ittle! I’m a cat-cat-” She stopped and looked confused as if trying to search for the right word. She looked at Bucky as if asking for help.

Bucky laughed and said, “Caterpillar.”

Nadia smiled wide and turned back to Sam, “Yeah, I’m a catopill-o!”

Sam laughed and shook his head before thumping his head with his hand. “Of course! How could I forget?”

Nadia giggled some more before she noticed Steve. She became very quiet. She hid her face in Sam’s neck.

Bucky wanted to coo at the sight but refrained himself.

Steve looked so uncomfortable. He stood far away from Sam, and Bucky wondered if Sam could feel the natural cold spot that Steve gave off. Steve looked at Bucky with such a lost look that Bucky couldn’t help but smile at his awkwardness. He waved at Steve and Steve awkwardly waved back.

Bucky looked over at Sam. Sam was looking between Steve and Bucky with a knowing look but he said nothing. He did, however, give Bucky a significant look. Bucky knew he was going to have a talking to with not only Sam but Nat soon. He wasn’t dreading it as much as he thought he should.

Sam and Bucky’s attention turned towards Nadia. She wouldn’t look Steve in the eyes but was staring at Steve’s middle. She shyly waved at his abdomen before saying, “Hi.”

For a split second, Bucky didn’t think Steve was going to wave back. That would've meant they would have a problem because no one snubbed his niece that way. After a moment, Steve rose up a hand and waved at her. Nadia smile was less shy as she giggled into Sam’s neck. Bucky took that as a win.

He decided to give Steve some slack and cleared his throat. Steve and Sam looked at him in question while Nadia started making circles on Sam’s shoulder.

“Hey, Steve why don’t you check on America?”

Steve just stared at him in confusion while Sam narrowed his eyes in question.

Bucky motioned his head out towards the hallway. He tried to telepathically tell him to walk out the door instead of poofing out of his apartment. “You know, _check_ on America.”

Steve still seemed confused but he nodded his head as he carefully walked out the door. Once he was through the door Bucky closed the door enough that he had a barrier between Sam and Steve.

“Just give us fifteen-ish minutes then come back okay?”

Steve stared at him for a moment before asking, “Why am I checking on America again?”

Bucky rolled his eyes and in a whisper, “You’re not I was just giving you an excuse to leave.”

A face of understanding washed across Steve’s face. “Oh, okay. Guess I’ll be around then.” Steve popped away. Bucky tried to quietly call him back. He wasn’t so sure he succeeded since he heard a big snort from behind him.

“Steve!” Steve popped back with is head tilted in confusion. It reminded Bucky of a confused puppy. “Actually walk away somewhere. Just in case Sam peeks out.”

Steve bit his lip in amusement as he ‘shot’ Bucky with his finger guns. “Right-right-right-right-right. Pretend to be alive. Gotcha, boss.”

Bucky glared and flipped him off. That only succeeded in making Steve laugh as he turned around and walked down the hall. If Bucky stayed a moment or two watching Steve leave it was to make sure Steve kept his word. It had nothing to do with him admiring Steve’s assets. Nope, not at all.

He closed his door and turned around to see Sam was on the floor in the living room playing paddy cake with Nadia.

Without looking at Bucky Sam asked, “So, America?”

Bucky was surprised that Sam didn’t dive right in with the Steve question. He didn't look a gift horse in the mouth, though.. “Steve is sort of a die-hard patriot. He has this huge map of America in his room that he obsesses about so I thought maybe he should check on it for a while.” Bucky had no idea where he came up with _that_ lie. Steve didn’t seem that patriotic but he was going commit to the lie anyways.

“Oh. Well. Nice tidbit.” Sam stopped paddy caking, and Nadia was _not_ happy about that. Sam then asked in that god awful tone Bucky knew meant he was going to be interrogated in an inch of his life. “So, who’s Steve?”

Bucky didn’t know why he was sweating. He didn’t lie when he told Sam and Nat about Steve. Steve was, in fact, a ghost. It just so happened he assumed Bucky knew about him. So, he revealed himself to Bucky because Bucky took awful advice from the Internet. Now that he thought about it the truth seemed a whole lot of nonsense. The truth was definitely out the window.

“He’s just a guy," Bucky said in a higher tone than he originally meant to.

Sam gave Bucky a done look before he started playing paddy cake with a grumpy looking Nadia again. “I can see that, but what was he doing in your place making coffee?”

Bucky opened his mouth wondering what new lie he was going to come up with next when his thought process came to a screeching halt. “Coffee?”

Sam motioned his head towards the kitchen. “Yeah, it’s on the island.”

Bucky turned and walked towards the island. He grabbed the cup of coffee in his favorite mug, his grandfather’s mug. He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. His took a sip of the still warm coffee. Bucky was such a sap. All he could think about as he took another sip of the perfectly made coffee was that the warm feeling in his chest had nothing to do with coffee.

“Oh, my god. You need to tell me who this dude is right now if he can make you smile like _that_ /.”

Bucky felt himself blushing and all he wanted was Sam to just stop. “He’s just Steve. There’s not much to tell.”

Sam rolled his eyes then stopped paddy caking with Nadia. He grabbed her in his arms then spun her around until she was on his lap. He laid down his hands palm side up so Nadia could keep slapping his hands. He said,“Nadia tell Uncle Bucky to stop being a baby and tell us about Steve.”

Nadia looked indecisive for a moment as she looked between Sam and Bucky. She seemed to come to a decision as she nodded her head and looked at Bucky with a determined look and said, “Yeah! Unkie Bucky tell us abou’ Steeb! Does he col-oh?”

Sam and Bucky couldn’t help their laughter at her question.

“Yeah,” Sam said, “Does he color?”

Bucky rolled his eyes and decided that if he was going to have this talk he might as well have it sitting down. He sat down on the floor cross-legged right across them. “Well, as far as I know he doesn’t draw, but when he comes back you can ask him yourself, okay?”

Nadia shook her head. “No.”

Sam and Bucky looked at each other in confusion. Nadia had never been this shy to talk to anyone in her life. She usually had the opposite problem. She always wanted to talk to everyone and anyone near her vicinity. Bucky figured that kids might be a little put off by how big Steve was but Nadia acting like this was just weird.

“Why not, Nadia?” Bucky asked.

Nadia shrugged. “He funny looking.”

Sam and Bucky shared a, _'What the hell Nadia,_ ' look

“Nadia that’s not a nice thing to say.”

“Momma said tha’ I shouldn’ lie."

Bucky looked at Sam and couldn’t help but shrug. “I mean, she’s not wrong.”

Sam rolled his eyes and said, “Well, when he comes around don’t tell him that okay?"

Nadia tilted her head and asked, “Why?"

“Because,” Bucky said as he took one of her hands and placed her tiny hand in his, “that’s not a nice thing to say. Even if you’re saying the truth sometimes it’s better to not say anything. That way you don’t hurt anybody’s feelings. You don’t like hurting anyone’s feelings right?”

Nadia vigorously shook her head. “Nuh-uh.”

Bucky smiled then lightly patted her cheek. “Good girl. Now, why don’t me, you, and Uncle Sam color for a bit?”

Nadia screamed with joy and hurried to one of her bags to grab paper and her crayons. Bucky and Sam sat back and watched her collect her things.

“So, I’m not saying your niece has high expectations when it comes to men, but I’m totally saying that.”

“You’re telling me.”

Nadia came back with as much stuff as her small arms could hold. She had a whole pile of coloring pages that his sister printed from the internet held tight to her chest. Underneath her chin precariously close to falling, was her a thousand pack of crayons. Bucky decided he wanted to color a puppy while Sam went for a ninja turtle. Nadia went for a picture of a calculator.

Sam mouthed, “Calculator?”

Bucky shrugged and made an _'I don’t know'_ noise.

They sat like that coloring for a few minutes. After they finished, Nadia told them a story. She excitedly talked about two princess calculators that defeated the Evil Sippy Cup. Bucky couldn’t help but ask her questions that he knew would exasperate Nadia. After a while, Sam starting asking silly questions as well and Nadia was just so done with them.

“No Unkie Sam the ninja turtle pwence can’t kiss Pwencess Cal’cader! Pwencess Cal’cader loves horseis not pwences! Pwences are gross!”

“But what about Prince Puppy?”

“No! Unckie Bucky I tol’ you al’eady! Pwence Puppy is mean and likes to eat cal’caders! Pwence Puppy not nice!”

Bucky put his hands up in defeat and moved his puppy drawing away from Princes Calculator. “Alright, alright Prince Puppy’s gonna stay right here, okay?”

Nadia nodded her head with a huff. She then went back into her story telling it as if Sam and Bucky hadn’t just interrupted her.

Sam looked at Bucky for a second. “Nadia, me and Uncle Bucky are going to go over there to the kitchen to talk for a bit. Will you okay by yourself?”

With a perfect eye roll that Bucky had a good feeling she learned from him, Nadia sighed and said, “Yeah. I’ll be okay. Mommy always talks to her fwiends and it’s bo-wing.”

Sam laughed and gave Nadia a quick peck on the check. She completely ignored it as she started to pummel Prince Ninja Turtle’s face with her fist.

Bucky followed Sam to the kitchen knowing that he was going to be grilled with an inch of his life. He mentally sighed and just wanted to figuratively rip the band-aid off.

Sam leaned against the island with his arms crossed while he watched Nadia for a moment. Bucky decided that even though his butt was numb he’d rather sit on the kitchen counter than stand.

“Are you going to give me information on this Steve are am I gonna have to interrogate it out of you?”

Bucky sighed. “Honestly, I don’t even know where to begin.”

“Okay, let’s start off with an easy one. Was the whole Steve’s a ghost story ever real or were you just lying about the real Steve?”

Bucky paused for a moment because the answer wasn’t _that_ simple like Sam thought it was. “Ghost Steve is real.” At Sam’s dead-eyed stare Bucky raised up his hands. “What? I’m not joking! I read on Nat’s blog to pretend that whatever weird stuff was happening in my apartment was a clumsy ghost named Steve! It just so happened that while I took that advice I met someone with the name Steve.” When Sam didn’t say anything and just kept staring Bucky practically yelled, “I’m not lying! Steve’s a common name! It’s not my fault!”

Sam stared at him for a moment longer before cracking a smile. “You’re too easy. So, where’d you meet Steve?”

They both looked over as Nadia screamed. Apparently Prince Puppy had done something wrong and had to be ripped into small pieces. Bucky and Sam both yelled a no as Nadia started eating the pieces of paper.

“But I have to gain his pow-ohs.”

Sam started to laugh as Bucky said as calmly as he could without laughing. “And while that’s true that paper will give your tummy the tummy tums. We don’t want you to get the tummy tums right?”

With the paper still in her mouth, Nadia thought about for a second. She took longer than Bucky thought was necessary before spitting the paper out. “No, I don’t want tummy tums.”

“Later we can set fire to the Prince Puppy or anyone else who deserves to be torn up.” Bucky closed his eyes just realizing what he just promised as Nadia yelled an okay back at him.

“I really hope she forgets I said that.”

“Knowing Nadia and your luck she won’t.”

“Why do I open my mouth?”

“Because you’re a moron.” Sam paused for a moment before saying, “Now go on. Answer my question.”

Bucky once again sighed. He ran his hands through his hair just trying to find something to do with his hands. He didn’t know what to say to that question. Steve and Bucky meet right here in the apartment but he couldn’t really say that. Plus, the questions Sam would ask after he’d say that would just be horrendous. He didn’t even know how to answer this one. Let alone any more questions that got to the truth that Steve was, in fact, a ghost.

Okay, time to mix a little of the truth with some lies

“Uh, okay so we actually met here.” At Sam’s eyebrow raise he rolled his eyes. “No, not in my apartment. We met in the basement. I was just putting in my wash while he was getting his out. He’s been here for a while. He told me that I shouldn’t use the washer I was gonna use cuz it’s a temperamental machine. After that, we kept seeing each other around and I don’t know we became friends. Sorta.”

“What do you mean sorta?”

Bucky shrugged then remembered the cup of coffee he left on the table in the living room. He turned to get it but Sam’s voice stopped him. “Leave the cup. It can stay there for a few minutes.”

Bucky hesitated but then sat back down on the island as Sam said. “It’s complicated.”

That was an understatement. How could tell Sam that Steve was his dead roommate? Or that he had feelings for his said dead roommate? Or that Bucky didn’t know for sure how homophobic Steve was? Steve did react to Bucky admitting he liked guys as well as girls, but that hadn’t stopped him from holding Bucky's hand that night. Even if Steve did feel the same way how would they even work? Steve’s dead and Bucky, well, Bucky’s wasn’t dead. While Bucky could live without sex not being able to touch someone would be a major downside.

Bucky mentally stopped himself right there. His thoughts were heading into dangerous territory and he didn’t need that right then.

“It’s just-”

“Complicated. Yeah, yeah.” Sam looked over at Nadia and said, “You keep saying that but you haven’t given me any reason to see why. From what I could see Steve’s seems like a cool enough dude. Granted I _did_ startle him when I was hiding in the closet.” Sam brought up a finger and shook his head seriously, “Don’t even go there, Buck.”

“But it’s a classic!

“Yeah, a classic that you’re in on as well.”

“Hey, don’t bring me into this!”

“You brought this onto yourself. How many times have we drunkenly made out? _And_ when are you going to tell your sister you’re attracted to not only the female persuasion but the male one as well?”

Bucky closed his mouth and glared at Sam. “You didn’t have to come at me like that.”

“Of course, I did. Anyways, he didn’t throw me out, call the police, or anything else unsavory when he found me. He even had the decency to try to hide his laughter instead of outright laughing like you or Nat would have done. Gotta love a man that tries to keep your pride intact.” Sam gave Nadia a quick glance before he leaned in and said quietly. “And despite what little Miss High Expectations says he’s not that bad-looking. I would even say he’s hot for a white dude.”

Bucky shook his head while he laughed. “I bet Riley thought it was an honor that the great Sam Wilson thought he was hot for white dude standards.” Bucky watched Sam carefully. Sometimes it was okay to bring up Riley and other times it wasn’t. Riley was Sam’s old partner from his military days. An ex-something. Bucky didn’t know what that something was since Sam didn’t want to talk about it with him. Riley was also a big old sore spot for Sam. Sometimes he’d shut down the conversation. Other times he’d light up and talk about Riley. It was always a hit and miss sort of thing.

Sam shook his head and lightly laughed. “Riley didn’t care what other people thought. So, my opinion of whether or not I found him hot didn’t hold a lot of merit. But he also had a huge ego, so he would have agreed with me on the spot. He would have also argued that he wasn’t just hot for white dude standards but on all standards of beauty.” He looked off into the distance with a small smile on his face that Bucky rarely ever got to see. Bucky knew that that particular part of their conversation was over when he saw the happy glint in Sam’s eyes disappear. Sam became serious once again.

“Okay, since it doesn’t seem like you want to talk about Steve in detail _just yet_ I’m going to ask you a tough question this time. Why didn’t you tell Nat and I about Steve?”

Bucky started to internally scream at the “just yet”. The only reason Sam would use that was for one reason only. He was going to tell Nat.

"It's not a big deal. I met a new friend. You and Nat meet friends all the time. I don't see you guys interrogating each other."

Sam eyes widened then he started to nod his head. "Yeah, that's not defensive at all. I mean, if it wasn't that big of a deal then it should stand to reason you'd tell me or not about it at some point just because."

Bucky got up and angrily pointed a finger at Sam. “This is why I didn’t tell you.”

Sam had the audacity to look shocked. “What?”

“This!” Bucky frantically waved his hands at Sam. “You and Nat grilling me about every little detail because you’re afraid I’m going to go off the rails.”

“Wait! No, that’s not what-”

“That’s exactly what you’re doing! I get it. I lost it when I lost my mom, but it’s been almost a year Sam and even though it still hurts I’m okay. I’ve been okay for a while. And yes I didn’t tell you about Steve, but it’s not like you are exactly giving me details about your love life.”

Sam visibly prickled at that. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, I don’t know. You called me this morning really excited about something. Ever since finding out about Steve you haven’t told me anything about it. I know it has to deal with someone you like because you have a tone, buddy when you like someone. You had that tone this morning when we talked. So, either spill and we forget that you and Nat are being stupidly overprotective or leave.”

Bucky hated confrontation, but he was done with Sam and Nat treating him with kid gloves. He was done with their antics and they needed to finally know.

Sam and Bucky stared each other down. Bucky actually didn’t know if Sam was going to leave or not, but he needed to Sam to know how serious he felt about this. He was not fragile nor going to break down at any moment. Yes, his depression went rampant when his mom died, but ever since moving here he had been fine. Ever since Steve popped into his life, his life seemed normal in the strangest sort of a way. He was fine, and no amount of coddling was going to change that fact.

“Unkie Sam? Unkie Bucky?” Sam and Bucky looked over to see a scared looking Nadia. “Why are you fighting?”

Bucky looked over to Sam waiting to see what he was going to say and do. Sam made an annoyed face at him before turning to Nadia. He signaled for her to come over. She frantically dropped her crayons and ran over to Sam. He picked her up and hugged her real tight before looking in the eye. He softly said, “Uncle Bucky and I aren’t fighting. We’re just having a disagreement about something and that’s okay."

Nadia looked between the two men and asked shyly, “Then why did Uncle Bucky get up and yell?”

Bucky sighed before putting on a reassuring smile. “Sometimes when people have a disagreement people can get a little angry, but I’m fine now.”

Bucky looked to Sam still waiting to see what Sam was going to do. Sam looked at Bucky for a second before he turned to Nadia and said, “I’m fine now too. You can go back to coloring now. In fact, I was hoping you would draw me a cat for me?”

Nadia stared at them with untrusting eyes. After a second of silence, she nodded her head. She silently got off of Sam’s lap and walked back to the table. She sat back down and with intense determination she started to draw once again.

They watched her for a second before they turned back towards one another. Sam rubbed his bottom lip looking like he was thinking hard about what his next words would be. Bucky waited patiently to see which side the pin would drop.

Sam stopped rubbing his lip then slowly put down his hand. He lightly knocked the top of the island before sighing. “Okay, I did come here for another reason than to talk about your _crush_.” He gave Bucky a hard stare which Bucky rolled his eyes at, “And, unlike you, I’m telling my friends my good news.”

Bucky glared at Sam but didn’t say anything. If Sam wanted to push his buttons by being passive aggressive Bucky would let him for now. His threat about Sam leaving his apartment was not an idle one. If Sam wanted to make that mistake Bucky wasn’t going to stop him.

“So, before I get started I have to go back a few months. I had finished talking to my therapist when he mentioned this contest. If you win, you get to meet the King and Prince of Wakanda and be the first Americans to visit Wakanda for the first time in forever. He knew how much I loved learning about Wakanda, and he knew I had all the qualifications to enter so he kinda pushed me into entering.”

Bucky was still bristling, but he couldn't help but soften at Sam's excited tone. Sam had transformed from a sanctimonious prick to a now calmer Sam he was used to seeing. Bucky wanted to stay angry but he found himself nodding at Sam’s pause.

Taking Bucky’s nod as a sign to go on, Sam took in a deep breath then said, “I entered not thinking anything of it. I mean, of course, I wanted to win. I mean, I’m not quite sure if you know a lot about Wakanda since you’re white. As a young black kid, I'd hear these stories, man. About this almost mythical place where black people needed no one but themselves. How they sealed themselves off to protect their own against the world. How despite what the world may think they didn't need any outsiders to be the greatest. Man, it blew my mind! Like, how cool is that?”

Bucky couldn’t help but feel happy. Sam had started to bounce up in down in excitement and his smile could not have gotten any wider.

“So, what happened?”

Sam could not contain the pure unadulterated joy. Bucky was wrong. His smile could get even wider and happier. “I won.”

Bucky’s mouth dropped opened. Sam literally couldn’t win anything. Sure, if Sam worked his ass off for something he got it, but leave it to luck and he couldn’t win anything to save his life.

“No way.”

“Yes, effing way. I’m one out of three people to be going to Wakanda and I can’t even process it right now.” Suddenly Sam got up and went over to Bucky and grabbed him by his arms. “Bucky I didn’t just win something I won the prize of the lifetime.”

Bucky felt his anger melt away as he felt Sam vibrating with joy. He hugged Sam for all his worth. “I’m so happy for you, bro.”

They hugged for a bit longer than was necessary but Bucky knew it was because Sam loved hugs. If he also needed to compose himself nobody needed to know.

They started to part when from out of nowhere Steve asked, “Did you know that King T’Chaka visited New York in the 40’s?”

The screams that Sam and Bucky both made were, in fact, the manliest screams any man had ever screamed.

Bucky was used to Steve's ability for scaring him. His pounding heart going a mile a minute was nothing new to him. Sam, well, wasn’t so.

“OH MY GOD!” Sam was clutching his chest like his was dying and was waving his arms around as he said, “When the hell did you get in?”

Steve looked up from his place next to Nadia, who was laughing herself to tears, and shrugged. “Just a few moments ago.”

Sam looked even more confused. “I didn’t hear the door open at all! How did you sneak past Bucky and me?! I understand if _I_ didn’t see you since my back was turned away from you. But Bucky isn’t _that_ unobservant.”

Bucky felt his cheeks warm up in embarrassment and anger. He was going to rebuke Sam’s slanderous words when Steve shrugged and said in a bored tone, “Are you sure?”

Bucky turned and yelled at Steve, “Hey!”

He didn’t get to say anything else because then Sam said in agreement. “You’re not wrong.”

Bucky’s head snapped so fast that he was sure he was going to have a knot in it later and yelled, “You stop it!"

Sam scrutinized Steve for a moment completely ignoring Bucky. “Have you seen him in the morning?”

Bucky knew he was in trouble because Steve gave Sam his crooked smile and said, “Right before his coffee? Yeah, I totally have and let me tell you I have stories.”

Bucky’s face could not have gotten any warmer then it was at that moment. His eyes widened in horror as Sam smiled wide. Bucky _knew_ that mischievous look in his eye spelled trouble in his near future. He flung his arms out and practically yelled, “We were talking about Wawanda!”

“Wakanda,” Steve and Sam said in unison. Bucky looked between them hoping to all gods they were not going to talk about him anytime soon. He let out a sigh of relief when Sam sighed regretfully.

“Fine. You,” he pointed at Bucky, “live for now. But let it be known you can’t keep me or him from talking for forever.”

Bucky’s softly laughed and shook his head and said, “As long as I’m not there I’ll be okay.” When nobody said anything, Bucky looked around at everyone before saying. “So, King of Wakanda visited New York in the 40’s?”

Sam snapped his fingers turned towards Steve. “Yes, I remember that. If I remember correctly the government tried to strike a deal with Wakanda, but the king wasn't up to opening Wakanda."

Steve nodded his head and opened his mouth but was interrupted by Nadia who yelled, “STEEB!”

Steve blinked in shock before turning towards Nadia. “Yes?”

“Steeb! You need to col-oh! You said you’d col-oh!”

Steve just blinked at Nadia before saying slowly, “Okay.” He held up a hand then grabbed a piece of unused paper and then a blue crayon. Once he got settled down he looked at Nadia was watching him like a hawk. He nodded at her silently before he started to draw. He looked back at her and she firmly nodded her head before she went back to her drawing. Steve looked up at Bucky and smiled with a shrug. Bucky snorted as Nadia yelled at Steve.

Steve ducked his head and said, “Sorry, sorry.” Without missing a beat Steve said while still drawing, “It was a total disaster. Even though King T’Chaka was royalty the government didn’t treat him as such. They did the bare minimum and to rub salt into the wound they didn’t listen to a word what he had to say. They basically ordered King T’Chaka that he was going to open up Wakanda and share its resources with the US. Pretty sure there was a threat here and there about nuclear warheads but I could be wrong.” He stopped drawing and looked at Sam. “Seeing how Wakanda didn’t open her doors until this year, you can tell that that approach didn’t exactly work out.” He ducked his head as Nadia yelled at him again. “Sorry, sorry.”

Bucky found it fascinating that Steve was talking about something that happened when he was alive. He wondered if Steve heard about this story in the papers or first hand. He suddenly remembered Steve saying something about Peggy being in the army and he wondered if that's how he knew all of this stuff.

He turned to Sam but he huffed in annoyance when he saw him on his phone. He almost told Sam to leave right then. Sam could disrespect him all he wanted but he was _not_ going to disrespect Steve.

He turned ready to yell at Sam when Sam started to shake his head.

“You’re making this up. There’s nothing here that backs up your story other than to say King T’Chaka came here. From all accounts, the meeting went successfully. King T’Chaka was simply not ready to open Wakanda up to foreigners because of the war.”

Steve looked up then snorted as he saw Sam wave his phone. “If you’re trying to find,” he paused as if he was unsure, “receipts then you’re not going to. It was a total hush, hush top secret deal that they totally dropped the ball on that. Of course, they would say King T’Chaka said that. Honestly, he had every right not to when all we did was shit on him the moment he came into the country.” He threw up his hands when Nadia yelled at him again. “Sorry, sorry. It won’t happen again. I promise.”

Sam huffed out a disbelieving snort before crossing his arms. “So, you’re one of those people that have to add more drama to historical events.”

Steve snorted in laughter. “Yeah, I guess you can say I'm one of those people. It's not like real life can be dramatic or anything."

Sam looked over at Bucky with a surprised face as if asking him, 'Did he seriously sass me right now?'. “And who gave you this information perchance? Some conspiracy theorist? Cuz if so I’m sorry that is _not_ proof of anything."

Steve opened his mouth then shut it. His eyebrows furrowed and he frowned. He made a huh sound before he shook his head and said while he went back to drawing, “I knew somebody that was there.”

Bucky bit his lip trying not to laugh. Sam threw up his hands and rolled his eyes with a scoff. “Oh, right. Who was it? Your cousin’s uncle’s twice removed, cousin? C’mon. Tell me. This has got to be good.”

Steve completely stopped drawing even when Nadia started yelling at him he ignored her. Bucky felt his stomach fall when he recognized Steve’s closed off body language. He hadn’t done anything other than to put his crayon down Bucky could feel annoyance roll off him in waves.

It reminded him of the night when the night they fought. Bucky took a step forward ready to be a diversion. He stopped at Steve’s voice.

“Peggy Carter told me.”

Instead of being placated Sam started to laugh. Bucky’s eyes bugged out of his head in total disbelief. Could Sam not see the murderous glare Steve was giving him? Could Sam not see that he should just stop?

“Peggy Carter? _The_ Peggy Carter? The woman who almost single-handedly built our countries intelligent community?” Sam scoffed. “Why would she tell _you_ that of all people?”

Bucky wanted to scream. Bucky knew that Sam didn’t mean anything by his comments. He just wanted to give Steve shit for what Sam believed to be a lie. Bucky knew what a sore spot Peggy was to Steve. Not only that but being mocked was a tremendous sore spot for Steve as well.

Steve gritted his teeth and Bucky could feel the air around them get colder. Bucky started to panic because he didn’t know what a pissed off ghost could actually do. His eyes glanced at a totally oblivious Nada. He didn't know what he even do if Steve went Exorcist on him.

“She told me because I was a friend and after a rough night and a few beers she’d tell me stuff to help her unwind from her day.”

Sam rolled his eyes. Bucky new another slew of unconvinced accusations was coming Steve’s way. Bucky couldn’t exactly _blame_ Sam since he didn’t know Steve actually lived in the 40's. He didn’t want Steve to get riled up, even more, he knew he had to step into the conversation.

“So, Sam have you seen the new Star Wars movie? Steve and I just loved it!”

He silently cursed when neither Sam nor Steve paid him any bit of attention.

“You know what? Since I actually know the niece of one Mrs. Margaret Carter I’m going to ask her to- no scratch that. _I’m_ going to ask her myself if what you said is true. When she tells me you’re lying I’m going to be here laughing in your face.”

Steve froze and stared wide eyed at Sam. “You mean, Peggy’s-” he paused and took in a deep gulp of air, “You mean she’s alive?”

Sam smiled a triumphant ' _I got you by the short and curlies'_ type of smile. “Yep, alive and kicking and-”

Bucky stood up and came between Sam and Steve. “Okay, Steve sidebar.”

Steve didn’t seem to hear him. Bucky wanted to lay a soothing hand on Steve, but he was painfully aware that he couldn’t do that. That even though he liked pretending he could actually touch Steve that in reality he could do it at all. It hurt him more than he thought it had any right to.

“ _Steve_.” He snapped his fingers in front of Steve’s face and after the third snap, Steve seemed to come back to reality. “Steve, I need to talk to you in my bedroom. Now."

Steve blinked at him in surprise until he started to nod his head. Bucky feared for a split second that Steve was going to pop away. His fears went unanswered. Steve got up from his spot and walked to his, well their bedroom.

Bucky sighed in relief as he watched Steve walk to the bedroom. He quickly turned around and pointed to Sam making a slitting motion on his throat.

Sam threw up his hands and mouthed, “What?”

Bucky rolled his eyes then walked after Steve into his bedroom. He quietly closed the door making sure it was closed. He turned to see Steve sitting on thin air staring at the wall in a daze. He eyes were far off and his mouth was slightly opened. At his dazed look, Bucky felt a worry bubble up inside him.

“Steve? Steve, are you okay?”

Steve didn’t answer him for a moment. When he did he said in a whisper, “She’s alive. I thought she had died a while ago. Thought she must have died of old age.” He snorted out a laugh then looked at Bucky with a dead look. “I should have known better. Of course, Peggy would outlive us all.”

Bucky walked over towards Steve. Steve was sitting on thin air and even though Bucky knew his knees were going to hurt later he knelt right in front of Steve. He knew he couldn’t hold Steve’s hand, but damn it all, he was still going to try. He held out his hand and slowly lowered it over Steve’s hand that was clutching his knees with a death grip. Steve gasped and for a moment, Bucky thought Steve actually felt him. Instead, Steve stood up from his phantom sit leaving Bucky with his hand in midair.

Steve started to pace. Bucky slowly let his hand down feeling empty.

Steve stopped his pacing and turned to Bucky looking almost desperate as he asked, “Did you know?”

Bucky blinked at him in surprise and asked, “Know what?”

“Did you,” Steve stopped and closed his eyes. Without shouting, this time, he asked, “Did you know that Peggy was alive? Do you know Peggy’s niece?”

Bucky didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to make this better as Steve opened his eyes and stared at Bucky.

“Yeah, I knew.” Steve clenched his fists then wrapped his arms around himself as if to protect himself. “But,” Bucky clumsily got up on his feet, “I didn’t know that Sharon’s aunt was your Peggy. Or I would have-”

Would have what?

He blinked at nothing trying to figure out a way to answer that question. What could he have done? It wasn't like Bucky could talk to Sharon and ask if her sick aunt could visit an old flame.

Steve shook his head before Bucky could think of something, anything to say. “I’m sorry.” His shoulders slumped as he walked back to the spot of air he was sitting on before and thump down on the air. “Its- I- I mean-” He paused then breathed out a sigh of frustration, “Just never mind. Can you please leave?” Before Bucky could say anything Steve looked at him then rolled his eyes. At Bucky or himself, Bucky didn’t know. “You know what? I’m going to leave.” He got up and walked over to the door. He put his hand on the handle and hesitated for a moment then turned his head towards Bucky. “I’ll be at Darcy’s if you need me. And don’t worry, I’ll walk out like an alive person would.”

And just like that Bucky was left alone in his room staring at the door. He jumped when he heard the front door slam shut. He starred at the door not knowing how everything got turned sideways so fast. He took in a deep breath as he ran one hand through his hair and put the other on his hip. He scratched the back of his head for a moment trying to sort out his thoughts when he saw Sam poke his head in.

“So,” he elongated the word for longer than Bucky deemed really necessary, “that happened.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Yeah, it did.”

Sam nodded his head as he looked around Bucky’s room. “So, your friend likes to take things super seriously.”

Bucky wanted to throttle Sam, but he knew it wasn’t Sam’s fault that he was so ignorant about Steve. He sighed instead and said, “He has his reasons.”

Sam shrugged and said, “If you say so.” He looked at Bucky for a moment before asking, “Do you want me to leave? If you need me to I can.”

Bucky thought about for a good long moment before shaking his head. “No, stay.” At Sam’s unsure face Bucky reassured him. “No, really. Today’s just been a weird day.” He waved his hand. “Plus, Nadia would be devastated if her Uncle Sam left before she could make cookies with him.

Sam blinked at him before biting his lower lip looking like he was trying so hard not to laugh. “You do realize how domestically gay that sounded right?”

Bucky affectionately flipped him off. “Shut the hell up and help me bake some cookies with my kid.”

Sam snorted before he stepped away to let Bucky pass through.

“Whatever you say Mama Bear.”

Bucky didn’t respond. All he was thinking was that he needed to be alone with his thoughts right now. Seeing as he had no other options, he resigned himself to baking cookies with his best friend and niece.


	21. Let It Go

Bucky looked at his phone for what seemed like the hundredth time.  He sighed in frustration as once again there was no text waiting for him.

He worried about Steve.  Steve hadn’t come back that night, and Bucky thought it best to give him some time by himself.  When morning came and there was no sign of Steve Bucky didn’t think much of it.  He did send a text to Darcy asking if Steve was with her.  She hadn’t answered him until lunch time which peeved Bucky to no end.  He felt better after she texted him that Steve was with her, but he still didn’t want to talk to Bucky. 

Bucky had felt a bit hurt by that but had texted back, “K”.   He didn’t need Steve thinking he was actually thinking about him.

When he got home from work he called out hoping Steve would answer.  When he got nothing he sighed and decided to text Darcy again.  Now here he was still checking his phone for a text he knew hadn’t come yet. 

He jumped up off his couch when his phoned chimed.  He grabbed it as fast as he could and tried to open his phone as fast as possible.  When he got it open he could feel his heart racing hoping Steve was finally coming home and they could talk about last night. 

His shoulders slumped and he slowly sat down.  He thumped his head on the back of the couch then heaved out a sigh.  He looked up at his phone and stared at his new message.

‘Have time to talk? -Nat’

He loved Nat he did but he didn’t want to talk to her about anything let alone Steve at the moment.  As he stared at his phone wondering what he should say to her his phone chimed again and this time, it was from Darcy. 

His heart picked up as he clicked on her message. 

‘I’m SO sorry! I was out getting groceries and didn’t hear my phone!  Um, I haven’t seen Steve around and I assumed he went back to talk to you.  If I see him around, I’ll tell him you’re looking for him.’

 He sighed again before texting her back.  Since it didn’t seem like Steve was going to come back home anytime soon he looked at Nat’s message for a second before sending her a quick text back.

A half an hour later, Bucky looked at his phone to see Nat’s ‘I’m here’ text.  He quickly put down the bowl in his hand then buzzed her in.  

He put the final spoon down when Nat came through his door.  In her hand was a bag full of what he suspected were grilled cheese sandwiches from the sandwich place they liked.   She bent down to get the medium sized wine bottle off of the floor before coming through the door and shutting it with her hip. 

When she saw the two bowls of tomato soup on the island her smile could not have gotten any wider. 

“You read my mind.”

Bucky shrugged as he took the bottle of wine Nat handed him.   He turned around and got their mugs out.  Over his shoulder, he asked, “I’m pretty used to our deep conversation routine by now.”

Nat snorted.  When he finished pouring the wine Bucky turned around in time to see her shake her head. She then laid down the bag of sandwiches on the table then put down her purse by her feet.

“I’m not sure if I should feel okay that I’ve become predictable or not.”

Bucky snorted and waited as Nat took out the sandwiches and rewrapped them one by one.  He honestly didn’t know why Nat loved doing that, but the first few time he tried to his hands had been gently and not so gently swatted away. 

He couldn’t help how his stomach gurgled at the sight and smell of the grilled cheeses.  Ever since eating at this place normal grilled cheeses had been ruined for him.   He didn’t know what type of cheeses were used or what type of bread since he wasn’t a foodie like Nat (if he asked she could answer everything about this sandwich), but he was just glad this place existed to fulfill his grilled cheese desires.

Nat handed him his grilled cheese.  They both got a slice of their sandwich then they touched them together as if they were toasting.  They then dumped their sandwich in the canned tomato soup Bucky had made (because that’s the only kind Bucky could make) before eating the rest in silence.

Even though he knew this silence wasn’t going to last long and that Nat was here to ask questions about Steve their routine soothed him.   He couldn’t remember exactly when they started doing this ritual, but it first started with them drinking coffee at night.  They’d have deep talks about their lives, fears, hopes, and dreams.  He remembered after they got their first jobs out of college and couldn’t stay up late all the time they decided they needed to have a meal of it.  It didn’t matter what meal it was (there hadn’t been a morning meal, but one just never knew) as long as they as they had a solid meal before they talked about their feelings it seemed all good.

When they were done and Bucky had refilled their mugs with more wine they moved themselves to the living room.

He sat down on the floor and she laid down on the couch.  They didn’t speak for a moment as they drank their wine. 

Finally, Nat made a humming noise and said, “So, you, uh, went off on Sam.”

Bucky shrugged and tried to play it off even though her comment bothered the hell out of him.  “Maybe.”

Nat narrowed her eyes at him.  “Don’t give me that crap, Buck.”

Bucky sighed and rolled his eyes.  “Okay fine.  I may have blown up on him but it was well-deserved.”

Nat opened her mouth looking like she was ready to give him the biggest tongue lashing of his life.  Instead, she stopped and took a deep big breath.  She closed her eyes then said, “Why don’t you tell me your side of the story?”

Bucky took a big swig of his wine.  He didn’t feel like talking but he knew it would be better in the long run if he just stopped being a baby and just told her his story.

“Okay, yes.  I did hide Steve from you and Sam.  I had a good reason okay?”

Nat just gave him a deadpanned stare.  “And that would be?”

Bucky opened his mouth to say that she and Sam didn’t have any right to pry into his life when he was not ready to talk about things.  That they needed to back off and let him live his own life.  What he said instead was, “I wanted to keep Steve to myself.”

His eyes widened and he felt floored.  He didn’t mean to say that at all.  But it was truth.  He suddenly felt a lot lighter that he finally said it out loud. 

He had thought about it the night before.  Why didn’t he just tell Sam and Nat about Steve? He didn’t even have to tell them that Steve was a ghost, but he could have told them about him.  He could have had someone to talk to about his feelings.  He let out a chuckle as he stared down at his mug.  It would have been nice to tell Sam about his feelings.  Having Nat ground his feelings in reality when he forgot that Steve was most likely straight and didn’t reciprocate his feelings.  It would have been nice.  And yet.

“I don’t know.  I tell you and Sam everything about my life.  I just-,” He let out a breath.  He ran a hand through his hair.  “It was just nice just to be in this small bubble where it was just me and Steve.” 

Bucky shrugged again.  “I don’t know.  When Sam found out about Steve it felt like he was making Steve out to be this big awful secret when it isn't like that.  Like, I know that these months have been some of the worst of my life but I’ve been through worst and I’ve survived.  I mean, aren’t I allowed one thing to myself?”

Bucky didn’t know what to do with himself.  He didn’t want to look at Nat because he didn’t know what he would see.  If she had a pitying look on her face he didn’t know what he would do.  He looked down at his mug and saw that he was almost out of wine.  He got up and quickly got some more wine.  He took two big gulps of wine before he refilled his mug.  When it was filled he slowly walked back to his sit on the floor.

He took a deep breath and finally looked up at Nat.

Nat wasn’t even looking at him.  She was staring into her own mug of wine.  She was biting her lip looking like she was trying to find the right words.  “Look, Bucky, y’know that when you’re ready to talk about stuff I’ll be there to listen, right?”

Bucky took that in for a second then nodded.

“And you know that Sam is usually the same way right?”

Bucky had a feeling Nat was leading him somewhere with this line of questions.  He just didn’t know where. 

He nodded his head slowly, squinting his eyes trying to figure Nat out.  “Yes?”

Nat nodded her head back then sucked in a big breath.  “See, I’m not saying he was right or wrong when he talked with you yesterday, but you have to remember that Sam has lost a couple of people to suicide.”

Bucky’s head went back as if he had been physically slapped.  This was /not/ the direction he thought this conversation was going. 

“But I’m not-”

He stopped when Nat suddenly got up from her spot on the couch.   She walked over to his spot and sat down by him before she patted his hand.  “I know, but you really shook Sam up when you broke down in front of us like that.” 

“But that was months ago!  Sam can’t seriously be worried about me for that long!”

Nat slowly blinked at him.  She didn’t stop blinking slowly at him for a good minute.  Bucky didn't know what to do.  All he wanted to do was skulk away from her gaze but she kept him in place as she tightened her hold on his hand into a vice death grip.  When she finally stopped blinking she said in a tone of someone talking to a spectacularly stupid person, “Oh, my sweet summer child.  You’re so fucking dumb.”

Bucky’s eyes widened, his eyebrow shot up, and he curled his lip while all looking to the side as looking into the camera into the Office.

“Oh, no you don’t get to look into the camera like in Office!  You are being so stupid right now I can’t even put into words how dumb you are.  Just because it’s been months since your recent major break down-,” she brought up her free hand and shook it vigorously in his face, “Don’t give that look in that tone Mister.  You and I both know that you’re gonna have a major breakdown somewhere down the line cuz that’s just your lot in life.  Like it’s my lot to have you and Sam be around me when I have an existential crisis over how I can’t have babies and how I don’t want to get married like every other woman in my life is doing right now.  It’s just how it is.”

She stared at him with wide eyes looking like she wanted him to fight her on the point.

Bucky quietly said, “Okay.”  He knew better than to fight Nat.  He did want to live to see the next day after all.

She nodded her head forcefully before she said, “That’s right, bub.  Me and Sam care about your dumbass.  So, get that ‘Oh no one cares about me’ nonsense away from okay?”  Before he could answer her she nodded her head and said, “And that’s it.”

Bucky just nodded his head as he waited for her to gather her thoughts again.  Nat was not an emotional person nor did she express her softer emotions often.  That’s why when she did she usually seemed like she was an unhinged madwoman.  Bucky just knew that wasn’t the case and that she just had a hard time expressing herself.  He didn’t hold that against her. 

After a moment she nodded her head and said, “Okay, back to what I was going to say before you opened your dumbass mouth.”  She sighed then took her hand away and stared at her hands.  She started to trace the lines on her hand.  After a moment of silence, she said, “Sam was really not on board with you leaving.”

Bucky remembered how Sam tried to convince him to stay with them, but it hadn’t been anything too pushy or obnoxious like his sister’s pleas were.  “Yeah, but he respected my need to move.”

Nat gritted her teeth in a grimace and said in a higher pitch tone, “Not exactly.”

Bucky blinked at her.  “What does that mean?”

She bit her lip then made some high pitched noises that Bucky took to mean she didn’t know what to say.  When she turned to him with a shrug and hopeful expression that maybe Bucky got what she was trying to say, Bucky shook his head.

She sighed then blew out a raspberry.  She laid down her hands on her knees.  “Okay, so right before you had your breakdown Sam was worried about you and this other guy he was friends with.  Right before you told us you wanted to move his friend attempted.”

Bucky’s eyes widened.   “Why didn’t he tell me?”

Nat shrugged.  “You know Sam.  Even though he’s gotten better at not doing this he tends to bottle up stuff before he lets it out.  But, yeah, I didn’t even know about it until after you left and Sam had a nightmare.”  She stopped.

Bucky thought it was just another natural lull in the conversation until he saw she was digging her nails into her palms. 

He softly grabbed her hands making Nat jump in surprise.  “Relax.  It’s only a memory.”

Nat stared at him uncomprehendingly.  After a moment she shook her head then whispered, “Right, right.  You’re right.”

She allowed Bucky to smooth out her clenched hands before she pulled them back.  Instead of playing with her hands she crossed her arms around herself.  “Sam, well, Sam won’t say it but ever since that dream he’s been on edge that you’re gonna do something.”  She held up her hands when he started to protest.  “I know.  I know.  You’re doing fine all by yourself but he still worries.”  She let her hands drop once more around herself.  “So, I guess what I’m saying is that you shouldn’t be too rough on the guy.  Yeah, he can be overbearing but the guy has his heart in the right place.  And also,” she lightly nudged him with her elbow, “If he gets too overbearing you can always call me and I’ll set him straight.”

Bucky lightly snorted then lightly ruffled her hair.  He smiled when Nat made an angry noise then elbowed him hard. 

“Whatever you say, man.”

He roughly ruffled her hair one more time just because he wanted to piss her off.  Even though his side would be hurting later, seeing Nat scowl at him through a mess of messy hair was totally worth it.

Nat fixed her hair with a glare towards Bucky before she huffed out a breath. 

“I know I can’t make you talk to me or Sam about stuff but it would be nice to know what’s going on with you.  And I swear I won’t be judge-y.”  At Bucky’s raised eyebrow she snorted and rolled her eyes.  “Okay, I’ll try not to be so judge-y.”  She looked at him and held out her hand for a fist bump.  “We good?”

Bucky snorted but nodded his head.  He brought up his fist and lightly fist bumped her.  “Yeah, we cool.”


End file.
